with immense appreciation for my co-workers

I hate to update my journal when so much time has gone by, but I just wanted to extend my sincere appreciation for my co-workers who gave me thoughtful Christmas gifts and making me feel special :)

I really liked the gifts very much, Jeannie, Lana and Jin :)

With love and respect :)

Kumi

Written later :P

Kumi's sushi @work

Soo it has been way too long since I last updated my page.
i have returned from my succssful business trip to Japan and have spent 1 weekand a bit preparing myself for the holiday season.

i have been starving for the bestest food of Japan, so I bought the finest ingredients that I can find to make sushi one weekend, and here are a few photos of the sushi I made :)














Look how shiny each grain of rice is :)














salmon nigiri :)













smoked salmon and mango pureed mayo sauce with dill













dynamite roll and california roll with real crab meat :)

i brought some sushi (i also made philly roll with cooked tuna steak with philly cream cheese addition to these) for lunch the next day to work and shared some of my food with my co-workers. it seems as though everyone enjoyed it.

I hope to do this again :)

Snow on Japanese Garden is definitely pretty :)

sooo I have arrived in Japan on Sun evening Japan time after 13 hr of flight eating not so pleasant flight meals, sammich snack (you had a choice of sammich or cup noodles) and ice cream. LOL

I am enjoying seeing my parents, my grandma and Brian, the silly dog here, but I continue to spend some time for work. Indeed, I am reminded that my job requires me to have good time management and organizational skills covering overseas travel and meeting arrangements for the executives.

But I must say that I am blessed with great team and people who can support us. :)

Yesterday, I woke up, made hotel arrangements, did a bit of translation work, then had a relative coming to visit, so it was nice to see him and watch my childhood video clips which my dad recently converted onto dvd. Then in the afternoon, my folks and I went to the cemetary to visit the gravestones where my ancestors and little brother rest in peace. My mom and I then went to a temple to burn incents for my grandma on my mom's side. I felt as though my grandma was smiling and giving me such warm and positive energy when I made the visit. The memory of her great smile that she always shared with me whenever I returned to Japan and visited her came to my mind and I felt so warm and united with her invisible soul. I told her that I would continue working hard not only for the company but for my people. I also thanked her for protecting us and providing a sense of peace and comfort in our lives.

Then my mom and I went to the hair salon, and I got a hair cut. I just stylized a bit, so that I can have my hair down if I want to. I am amazed to see how the perm that I got early this May is still there giving my hair different shape than having a flat straight hair. LOL

Then we went to a book store and some shops (drug store etc).

We came home, I was very exhausted as I had about 3-4 hrs of sleep (but stayed awake to fix my jetlag and do some work), so I fell into sleep in the living room, woken up to a fabulous dinner, ate a little (my digestive system is a bit weird from long journey) and then went to bed by like 9-10pm. I woke up early this morning 5am to do some work :)

The executives are arriving at the Airport today, so I have to have some work done before meeting with them.

:) Peace and love, Kumi

Who do you think people mistake me for??

Sooo after spending my whole afternoon trying to arrange flight tickets for the management staff for the company that I work for the Japan trip that is coming up in a week, all getting frustrated by a few complications that I encountered and all, a phone rung and it solved my day: my good friend, Tom called me offering me to go to his travel agent office to look after some of the problems that I was facing with. Thank God, he called me, because I was hesitated to contact him on a Saturday asking him for work related help that no one needs to deal with on the weekend, you know?

Anyway, I was able to leave for the gym to do some exercise to relieve my tensed up self and returned home with a great thai take out food for my roommate and myself (I was screaming in the flat and caused some negative emotions on him, which totally wasn't fair...I am sorry! :( :( ).

Anyhow, we ate good food, and I planned out my Sunday (busy day coming up!) and making sure that I will get to cover all that I need to do (work and personal) before my leave for Japan.

I am leaving for Japan on Saturday afternoon, so I plan on checking out this Joe Claussell party on Friday nite, party all nite and then come home, take shower and pack myself for the airport :) hehehehe (I like to do this as it is a great way to adjust my body clock 180 degree).

Anyway, I was debating whether to go and check out this Ron Trent party at 99 Sudbury that was re-opened yesterday! I was like: well, I gotta wake up early tomorrow, and I must do this and that. I wanted to go to my work to arrange some flowers, but I decided to leave that for Monday morning to give myself more time to cover all that I need to do tomorrow.

So I decided to go and check out Ron Trent, who is one of my fav producers, and whom I have never heard live before.

The party was FUN! A lot of familiar faces. Sweet music lovers unite! :) I love dancing with people who appreciate and love the same deep house music that I dig :)

After 3 hours of straight dancing, I decided it was time for me to come home, so I came home, took a nice bath, and decided to update my blog.

Overall, I am feeling much much better than 12 hours ago, and I think that doing things that I love absolutely put me back on the right mind set that I ideally stay no matter how difficult circumstances I may face in my life...

Ron Trent was great. He played *RON TRENT* type of music, nature sounding, organic and african. I absolutely dancing to his music. It felt like my spirits were lifted higher as I dance to his tunes. I am so very glad that I made it. I, however, concluded that he is a good producer (and not much of a DJ). Nevertheless, it was a bless to meet a soul that touched so many other souls in this planet with his amazing production work, you know??

By the way, in the past couple of weeks, a lot of people mistake me for Spanish. I asked all of them why, and they said it is because of my facial structure and feature. Interesting. I always thought I absolutely look Japanese. One person mentioned it is because of the way I dance. Interesting. Anyway, it will be interesting to see myself videotaped just like my childhood video clips that I have posted in my previous entry (a couple back I think), but it will just embarass me to see myself. Because I know I am such a sillyyyyy person. But I enjoy being pure me. Go pure Kumi GO :)

Gotta catch up some sleep. You all have a wonderful and productive Sunday!

Peace and love :)

Roy Davis Jr-No Show, David Morales-sucks ass

I did not get to do much dancing on Sat nite, because the DJs that were opening up for the Roy Davis Jr just did not do it for me (too energetic urban house whose body language sort of reminded me of the DJ Super stah Greg.

Then a DJ who came up to me to introduce himself told me that Roy cancelled 2 hours ago, and wasn't gonna show, so my friends were out of this cheesy venue on Richmond street (clubby-clubb district).

Then when I was trying to get back to my friends, one guy stopped on my way out leaving the first club by grabbing my palms and said: "I was waiting for you. I saw you dance, and I just wanted to talk to you badly, but I lost you, so I was looking for you for the past 20 minutes.
What's your name??" LOL and that sort of made my day, cause it was mad funny (like he was mad serious and all).

Unfortunately, since I do not take people I meet at the clubs too seriously (unless I bump into them frequently at events that I participate) and I was in a hurry to get my crew out of the stupid club (LOL), I told him that I have to get going, but I appreciated his kind words and left him there.

I hope that he did not have any high expectations by courageously saying hi to me, cause althogh I may interact with them on a friendly level, I am not open to share too much of my personal info with strangers unless they make me feel homie, if you know what I mean...

Anyway, we went to the old BOA to check out David Morales with a bunch of people, but when we got there around 3:30am, David Morales wasn't even on the deck, and the guy who was opening for the show was playing some progressive stuff, which usually turns me off....so Nozomi and I were getting more and more tired by not really and fully enjoying our evening out. And even when David came on the DJ deck, he was playing some cheesy clubby music,that just did not do a magic to me. So Nozomi and I left the club leaving the rest of crew (LOL) there.

Although we indeed wasted a lot of our money by making stupid decisions without much investigations on the background of the events etc, I absolutely had a wonderful time with friends, especially with Nozomi. Yes, she rules :) and I am very grateful that I became friends with her. :)

Peace-

Tonite's Party: Roy Davis Jr.

You know where to find me. See you there :)

PEACE!

Toronto-afterhours party!

Sooooo it was my first weekend off in like....2 months? I had to go out and dance for sure!
I went to the gym and enjoyed using the steamroom for like 1/2 hour or so, came home, super hungry so made veal stroganoff for dinner, had a sip of sake and just fell into sleep (ended up taking a nap for 90 minutes or so).
I got up did some work for my little sister's assignment (more so a request), and the clock said *midnite*, I was like: "I gotta go and do my thing......"
So my new friend, Donald and I ended up going to this club called "dragonfly" where a collective of sweet deep house DJs used throw weekly Saturday nite events. But when we got there, the place was empty, and the music was...different.

We stayed there for a bit, and we figured that the boys were no longer throwing the event there anymore, and it was the first Saturday that they stopped their weekly events. We tried staying there, but the music (to my taste) sucked and I wasn't feeling the materialistic -we are all on *e*- type of vibe where every individual was in their own zone and not interacting with people around them but enjoying their highness. LOL

So we decided to go somewhere else (I insisted. LOL). The bartender there recommended us to go to this afterhour party on Elm street and Dundas. And we were ready to rock'nroll.
I raised my thumb up by the street for a taxi and the mid-size ban pulled over that gave us enough space to put our bikes! (just like that and it was a very great timing, because it just started raining really hard).

So here are some photos of the evening: I have not had such a fun time dancing my ass off until morning for like 5 years! It was such a blast! :)


God bless DEEP HOUSE MUSIC! :)-more photos to come-

My new JOB :)

My first day at my new work was cool. I did some planning (travel arrangement) for my boss, and did work hard!

I know that it will be a little nervous job, because if I miss something or screw things up, it will have a huge effect on my boss and his partner (lawyer). So my first conclusion to do my job well: sleep well, do enjoy life (working out, meeting friends, being inspired, do my things)! so that my mind stays open to things that I should have my focus on (when tied up being busy, it is easy to forget things easily, you know? But when one is fully enjoying life, it permits creative mind to rock'roll, and human often does some crazy things, don't you think? LOL).

I already know that I will be going to Japan in early December for an event in Chiba (near Tokyo). My boss said that we should also visit my folks at the restaurant, eat good food and rest in a traditional Japanese housing, so my folks are very excited about it :)

I am also excited!! but before we go, there is a lot of work and planning to do, so I will keep my focus and continue working hard! :)

The people at work is overall, nice and considerate people, who are intelligent, got a unique personality and are plucky (a new word that my boss taught me LOL).

My boss took all of us out for a drink to welcome me to the team, so we went out to a nearest pub from work. My boss has such a great sense of humour, and I love it how he talks and teases us just like my friends (in 20s-early 30s) do. LOL

So all of us kept laughing and enjoyed our little get together. :)

My boss is an intelligent business man, who is athletic, got a great sense of humour and courage and adventurous personality. He drives the black jaguar. It totally suits him. Speakingof jaguar, I think jauar will also suits my personality ("go get it, tigar!;) ) too. LOL So one day, if I ever have a lot of money to spend on a car, I may get a red jaguar too (will see).

I feel very lucky that I am blessed with good people and a challenging career.
I hope to work hard to progress and share my gaining with others :)

I can not believe that I am having my weekend off, and although I am a little confused as to what to do utilizing my freedom right now (was tied up for soooo long. lol), I think going to the gym and do my thing will once energize me and allows me to appreciate all that I have in my life. God I am so thankful! Thank you for all and everything! :)

happy halloween!

my weekend was spent hitting up a local club on Friday nite with Nozomi and checking out a private halloween party at someone's loft on Queen street east!(not to mention both of us worked both on Friday, Saturday and Sunday! LOL).

It was a lot of fun. I am looking forward to seeing some photos that Nozomi took! Once I get them, I plan on posting on my blog.

I decided to wear my leopard dress to work today (again-cause I wore it on Sat nite too LOL)!




















Happy Halloween, everyone! I gotta go work now.
Peace and hugs,

Kumi

re-evaluating my career path and positive changes

I was recently contacted by a local head-hunter for a bilingual Japanese executive assistant position for a microchip technology company, and I have been doing alot of evaluation in terms of *the ideal career path* to help me not only grow as a person, but being able to serve others.

When I think about what I seek in career, the most important aspect when making a career decision which is to serve people remains the same even after many years of different career experience.

And lately, I realized how it is very important for me to help my family before serving the people in the society. Sure, the balance is the key, but I feel I have been too self centered, being interested in my personal progression (well, that was the stage of life that I was going thru), and not thinking too much of what I could have done to help my own people.

I became interested in the catering/event manager position in the restaurant business, because I thought that it would hep me cultivate the path to opening a restaurant here in North America.

As you may already know, my family has a family restaurant business that has been running over 80 years in Japan, and because of that, I was able to come overseas at the age of 15 to study English. Unfortunately at the moment, no one is to continue the business over there (all of their daughters are here in N. America), so I have been hoping to establish a new root but in the same industry to continue our family tradition. And in my mind, I was picturing myself to open the business in the next 3-5 years.

But recently, I got a wake up call.

If I do not get to help my parents now, I am not even sure if what I am doing right now will lead me to get where I need to be in 3-5 years.

So what is it that I need or want to do right now?

I want my parents to give some of their responsibilities to me. They still look after my youngest sister who goes to high school in Vancouver, BC.

Because of that they continue to work, although they would (I think) like to retire and try something new and exciting (they are very eager and mentally young adults who started snowboarding after turning 50! And my dad is training to become a snowboarding instructor! Yes, I got my humble personality from my dad ;) ), and I know that they deserve to explore their life more while they are physically healthy and young!

So I have been thinking: if I get the bilingual executive assistant position, I will not only get to see my family during international business trips (which I know bring them some good happy times), but help my dad by supporting my youngest sister financially even a little bit...

And if I do get to start helping my family now, I may get a better understanding of my own self and the purposes of my life better, which will definitely help me in terms of turning my own dreams come true, you know?

And guess what!

I heard from the head-hunter yesterday and I am now offered the position by beating up another candidate with much stronger career background!!

How did I do it?

Well, there was a pdf file that summarized the company profile (and their products) in their website.

I used the given information and made a presentation of it, but in the language of Japanese to show my translation skill (as well as my presentation skill).

I knew that I had to make a great impact during the second job interview, and although I was busy with my current job responsibility, I stayed up until 4am to complete the presentation file and brought the file burned onto a cd-rom to the job interview this past Wednesday!

Needless to say, the president and the executive were impressed with my initiative and my eager attitude.

And I was told that they really like my diverse career background (have worked for manufacturing, educational and hospitality industry) and my humble, determined and responsible personality! :) And so they decided to hire me as their team member! YES!!! YES!!! YES!! I did it! :)

So yes, it is official that I am going to work as a bilingual Japanese executive assistant starting next Friday! And this is very exciting to me, because I feel that I have finally obtained a career that I can be very proud of and have the potential to grow (as a career woman) and at the same time allow me to help my own people!! (yes! Finally!!)

So although the idea of leaving my current company suddens me a little (people were very nice and generous), I feel that this will cause a good change for my family and myself.

You know, things have been kinda difficult for me since last fall losing my personal identity.

I literally had to learn how to live from the scratch.

But because of that, I can appreciate the each given day as a gift,

And it makes me super happy to know that I really mean things that I speak right now, being truly truthful to my own life philosophy and appreciating all that is given to me from the bottom of my heart. I feel that because I learned how to appreciate the life in an ultimate way, all these lucky things are arriving in my life.

So I just wanted to give my people my wonderful news and share my immense positive energy that is fuelled in my body and soul!

Thank you so much, guys (you know whom I referring to!) for being there for me and being such a great support and inspiration.

I promise that I will continue trying to inspire you guys in everything that I do in my life :)

Peace and love! thanks so much for reading!

making up for tomo's b-day and some precious video clips from my childhood!

today was my day off! yes! gotta do my things while I can. This is the lesson I learned after obtaining my current job as a catering/event manager for a company that has a few different operations at the air canada center.

anyway, Oct 19th was my really good friend, Tomomi's b-day.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to spend the day with her to cerebrate it, because of my tight schedule at work, so I tried to make it up for it tonite.

You know the horseradish crust salmon dish that I made the other nite for Ilya turned out soo great?! I tried it again because I thought Tomomi deserves to try it!

This time better photos were taken, so here we go:



Tomomi's friend, Minori came over so our little b-day cerebration make up turned into a girl's time off eating tasty food and watching this dvd that i recently received from my dad full of old video films that he recorded of my sister and my childhood.

I am uploading some clips online, so not all of it maybe available right at the moment, but here we go: enjoy watching a little kumi run around places :)

1. this clips shows my oldest memory ever in my life-dressing up in special costume for my little brother's funeral when I was 2-3, I lost my little brother by an accident. I remember seeing my family crying sooooo much, and I had no idea what really happened, but I knew something very upsetting and sad happened. So I cried very hard with my family too. It was very hard to let him go, but he is always with us in our heart and soul. I think of him when I do my cardio and try to live my life as fulfillingly as I can for myself and for him also. In this clip, you see my older sister and myself wearing the special costume with a special make up on. You will also get to see an typical Japanese living room setting in the background. I am so glad that my dad filmed and kept this. I think that he bought the video camera to actually record this event.
   
2. of me at the age of 3 wearing kimono with my sister
   
3. dancing in kimono at the age of 3!!! LOL
4. run little kumi run
5. playing with my grandma's brother (haccho-ji no oji-chan)
6. elevator girl in training I grew up in the suburb, so when my grandma took me to huge department stores in tokyo and saw the elevator ladies assisting people to get on the elevator, I was inspired! and instantly wanted to become one. Apparently, I put my pre-school hat on my head, wore my first pair of groves and pretended to be one by the sliding door of the living room. Here you will see a little Kumi very hesitated first but proudly representing the youngest elevator girl exist in the world :)
7. entry to an elementary school: after returning from the first day at my school

sweet sound, sweet energy vibrating into my body, giving me big smiles on my face

http://grooveparlor.com/index.htm

Please listen to Cordell Johnson: http://grooveparlor.com/audio/grooveparlor/cordelljohnson-wickerparkfunk.ram

I just can not get enough of his shite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The way I put it: "if you listen to his music, your wildest dreams will come true (by Pedro)" ;)

Mad respect, love, and appreciation go to Cordell Johnson! Woo HOO!

ilya's b-day

my roommate, ilya took a day off from work, so I was able to spend his b-day morning with him. Thusly, i made a b-day breakfast for him and myself...




























wishing you the bestest wishes for such a sweet-heart, Ilya. May your new chapter be fulfilled with loads of happiness, joy, peace, excitement and growth :) Peace and love, Kumi

cerebrating ilya's b-day

Today was my day off yes!!!
I went out last nite and had a fabulous time with Nozomi and people that I became friends with.
Everyone was sharing such great vibes with me, and I had such a blast!!

Anyway, I came home around 4am and went to bed like 5am, so I did not wake up until afternoon. LOL But after working for 6 days straight, I really needed the sleep and relaxation in my bed. LOL

I went to take care of some errands and got a delicious looking chocolate cake from my neighbor bakery cafe that is very popular among posh looking young and old ladies. Well, they do sell some fancy desserts (not cheap), and I have tried some of their tarts and shortbread cookies, and I must say that I do love their fine elegant tasting sweets. So I decided to get a cake for my roommate, Ilya's b-day from that shop. I said "we deserve to try something much fancy from the shop! LOL".

Then my roommate and I had a cup of tea and shared a tart. It was delicious. My god, I should have taken a photo of the tart. It was a fig tart, and it looked soo pretty too! Anyway, it was a perfect tasting dessert for my day off. :)

I then went to a nearest postal office to get my percel from my sister who was recently back in Japan and brought some of my winter clothings for me.

The percel was HUMONGUS. I am very thankful for my family for their support in sending me my winter gear. Anyway, while the postal officer went in the back to get my stuff, this old gentleman who bought over 100 dollar worth of postal related products stuffed some of the stamps arranged on the counter into his bag (stealing).

So when the office returned, I was like: "Excuse me, sir (to the officer). Is this thing for sale? Cause I saw this gentleman putting a couple of that into his bag while you went to get my percel".

The officer looked at the gentleman sharply and proceeded to check his bag that was on the counter.

"You have not paid for this yet, so would you like to make a payment right now?"
The gentleman: "Urm, well, not at this time". and he just disappeared.

"What a loser. I mean, you were showing off your bills from your wallet, and you decide not to pay for a thing when you fail to get it for free? Give me a fucking break". I thought. (haha, I sound such a bitch). LOL

I just thought it is such a pity how there are people who try to get everything that they maybe able to, in a given scenario like that. Speaking of this, this incidence just reminded me of the hurricane Katrina hitting Texas and causing a major flood in the city, because I saw some young kids stealing things from the department stores etc. on one of the internet news.

When I saw that, I felt: "Wow, these kids who were left behind in the city unable to leave must have had no chance to actually own anything like that before...yeah, let them touch those things at least one time in their life time"....

And this thought hit me: "am I being such a racist by having different kind of opinions and reactions towards people from different class??" Yes, I think so. And I felt guilty for realizing my own false (rich shall not steal, but poor a'right, cause they have no choice!??).
I just wanted to post a note about it.

Anyway, I then went to buy a few things at the mall, went to the gym and did my 1 hour cardio, bought some grocery and came home to make a special dinner for my roommate who has a b-day on Oct 24th (tomorrow).

Since I would be stuck at work until late at nite, I had decided to make a great dinner for him tonite. Plus, it was my day off, so I thought I deserve to do something I truly enjoy as well.

:)

So here we go, these are a few photos of things that I prepared. Since we had a late dinner (my roommate did not come home until late, as I never told him abou the dinner), we had only two dishes, but it was just very fulfilling in many ways. :)

Horseladish Crusted Salmon:


It was absolutely delicious!
I will make it again! The bedding for salmon is dilled cucumber and carrot, which actually matched with the salmon very much. I made Grain Mustard Sauce (lemon juice, butter, olive oil, sour cream, dijion mastard, dill, chive, salt, black pepper and sugar) and it was just perfect. Something light but just right. I was very pleased with this dish as it brightened the flavour of each ingredients that I used, and they all played a magic in a plate. I felt that this was such a magical dish, and it was just perfect for my roommate's b-day (pre-) cerebration.

I also made butter-mushroom-rice, rosemary potatoes and sauteed broccoli and carrot. The photo is kinda blurry, but they tasted fine too :)


We had a shot of Russian Liquor along with our supper, and shared a fig tart that I had purchased from the fancy cafe. I bought my favorite, Aveda tea (comforting) in the late afternoon, so we had a cup of its tea with the tart.

Tonight I truly spoiled myself by spending time doing things that I truly enjoy (cooking and making someone feel happy and special), and fulfilling myself with the colorful and flavourful meal. I really hope that one day, I can bring my cooking skills one step higher than where it stands right now. Although I used to and am still interested in having my own restaurant in future, for now, I just hope to have more personal time to manifest my own creativity and passion in cooking by hosting friends for nice meals like this in near future :)


Thank you for reading!

Music of the evening: "Can you feel it?" by Larry Heard

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/Mr. Fingers (Larry Heard) - Can U Feel It (Robert Owens Voca.mp3

I love this song the best in all the songs that I adore.

Just the best.

Because the sound and lyrics just reflect the person ME.

The energy in this music is something I feel INSIDE of ME when I do something very passionate, feeling high running, dancing or making love to someone you dearly love.

Just drives you crazy inside, you know? Like crazy energy explodes inside you!!!

HOT SHITEEEEEEE

Cordell Johnson

Please listen to Cordell Johnson, an amazing DJ from Chicago: http://dhpmixes.com/mixes/0905cordell.mp3

This mix made me want to move to Chicago once again.
Music like his keeps me inspired. and maybe that is what I need to stay true to whom I want to be.
I love the intensity of his mix sooo much.

Listening to his mix helps me let go of my negative emotions, dance my ass off expressing my feelings I gain from music and feel super great afterwords (I love feeling the moment where I am manifesting my true self thru my actions).

Seeing other people doing their things professionally, I really gotta do something about my LIFE too!

Mad respect goes to CORDELL JOHNSON.
I sooo wish to one day dance to your music set LIVE.
I know I will in near future. :)

and I am excited for such future :) :) :)

LIFE

I have had such a drama-week.
Where to begin? I do not know.
But it is very important for me to let my thoughts out of my mind to better understand myself, so I am typing having my lap top on my lap as I lean over the wall by my bed.

[WORK]
I continue to cover long hour labour, working 10-12 hours/day and 60 hrs and more/week.
I get a half day off and it is rare for me to get a full day off without doing any activity related to work right now.
Managerial role means more responsibility, but do I enjoy taking care of work inquiries via my mobile even during your time off?? Well, you know my answer: not really. LOL

I tend to spend my off physically recovering.
Taking care of my personal errands. Grocery shopping and buying things that I need to take good care of myself.
I barely have time to do inspirational things anymore.
But I try to engage in activities that I enjoy even during such busy schedule to bring me a sense of joy and happiness that I know I deserve. Change in my given life style is also healthy too, you know?

I find my current job situation quite challenging, because things are very very disorganized.
At first I found it very interesting how things were getting organized with my hard work, but I am physically and mentally getting burnt out that I am losing flexibility to accept the sudden challenge in the most positive manner. I get frustrated and gain negative emotions like anger sometime, and I do not like it, because I do not define negative emotions as something to identify my character.

I am trying to create a good structure and systems installed in this organization.
But the person I work closely with continues to sort of create problems, sort of destroying the established systems. I guess I can say that it is a test-run period right now to see how the systems that I have established work well with others, but the bottom line is that as long as he does not change the way he handles the incoming work inquiries, I know, I will be expected to work such crazy hours due to an unproductive way of coordinating things.

The other day, I slipped on the floor (slippery and wet floor) on my way to deliver a beautifully arranged sushi tray to a client.
I hit my elbow and my head badly. For a moment, I zoned out and did not know what had just happened because of the shock.
People came up to me to help me stand up and realized what just happened.

People asked me to help me get to the area where I could receive medical treatment right away. But as I saw the smashed sushi on the tray, and myself knowing I got injured, I got so angry.
Although people were worried about my physical condition, I was more curious to talk to the person who was in charge of the floor cleanliness maintenance.

"who is responsible for maintaining this floor?"
"let me talk to the person right now".

I must have scared off some people because of my intensity asking for someone in authority when I had to worry about my physical health too.

I was taken to the customer service area where I reported the accident and received some medical treatment right away.

As soon as I shared my concern (what if this happened to some fans or my staff??), I felt so sad and had some tears fall off my cheeks. Finally I came to worry about my physical health and settled down emotionally.

Now that I think of this incidence, I wonder if this has something to do with my previous life threatening experience where I got physically damaged. Because otherwise, how would you explain my instant anger towards such a thing happening to me?

Since experiencing the accident, I have been feeling quite down. Kind of depressed.

It seems as though my past experience shaped me not to tolerate any physical harm that one does not deserve.

But I now know that I can not blame someone for some accident happening like this. It was not intentional afterall.

Anyway, now, my neck is hurting and my elbow is a little swollen and bruised.
But the positive aspect of this accident is that I had my pony tail on my upper part of my head, cause it helped me not hit my head too bad, you know???

I still have the healthy brain to write out what happened. so I feel I am lucky....

[LIFE]
I continue to ask what I want to do in my life.
I wonder if I could turn my personal interests into a career.
I day dream of having a serious dance lessons to better express myself.
But as long as I continue to work such crazy long hour work, I do not get to have time to do things that I am interested in neither.
So then, what is it that I want in my life?????

I want to feel that I belong to things that I feel passionate about.
I want to express my SELF to friends and family that I care.
I want to have the time to work out daily, time to welcome guests for tasty meals.
I want to have the time to engage in the deephousemusic scene more. I am super interested in the housedancing scene.
I want to feel I belong to the things that I feel passionate about.

So what do I want?
TIME AND ABILITY TO APPLY MY CREATIVITY.

Although I must look aftermyself financially having a decent paying job, I need to find solutions for my current job situation so that I will get to have the TIME and ABILITY to APPLY MY CREATIVITY MORE.

Gotta take some actions NOW.

Off to do my thing shaking my bootie on the dance floor. See you later LOVE :)

Kumi

When people reveals their true motives and personality...

and they turned out to be superficial and materialistic,

It sucks, and I lose my modest personality and become less cooperative and understanding, because I do not agree with such human behavour and it makes me feel angry when I noticed myself being taken advantage of (rant rant ran rant swearing rant)!!!

You know, I can keep my patience and ability to accept other people for who they are, but if they intentionally take advantage of others, my feminist part of me kicks in: middle finger YOU!! LOL

I came home at 2am yesterday.
I was going to leave the office by 12am, so that I would still have the time to party up and do my thing shaking my bootie on the dance floor showering myself with great deephouse tunes and what not.

Well, I did not, why?

Cause someone does not better use their time productively that I ended up wasting my time to do a simple work that can be done in a couple minutes only if a clear instruction was given at first.

Yes, you must have felt it. I am loaded with negative emotions right now, so you better not irritate me, cause I will burn you with my anger right now.

......

Sigh.

You know, I fucking need to go to the gym to get rid of my negative emotions, but after 4 hours of sleep and still having some work to do before heading down to a venue for an event this early afternoon, I have no idea how I will deal with this situation in a long term, cause I am turning into a bitter person.......

HELP needed. Tonite, I will go and dance, no sleep and go to work for a meeting and come home and take care of my personal needs. that will make me at least a bit happier...

*determined* Kumi

How do you pronounce "ISAC"

Today was a hell busy day, but we worked really well as a team, and I am very glad with the turn out, although we had three new staff in our team and I was too busy instructing key points while supervising overall production.

Here is a funny story of the nite.

There is a staff (Chinese oriented) whose name is ISAC.
Whenever I call him: "I-zac", he corrects me: "I-suck".

One of the Japanese staff asked me what his name was, so I told him how he always corrects me and wants me to call him: "I-suck", then I burst into a loud laugh, because, well you know. LOL

The supervisor who was at the center checking us out started laugh with me, while two Japanese female staff did not get the joke until I explained it to them.

LOL

Oh man oh man. I will have red cheeks whenever I call his name from now and on. LOL
dirty girl-you may think I am, well, I am a perv. LOL :D

sunday!

Today, I woke up feeling rather fatigued.
Must be the stress/pressure that I dealt with working at our new kitchen at ACC (air canada center).

Yesterday, we were in a situation where we might end up losing the spot if we did not meet the standard by those executives of ACC, so my boss and I were somewhat tensed (nervous) making sure everything was taken care of smoothly, while there were endless of items to control and manage. The current situation is that all of us are NEW, so we work and learn new things once at a time. So far I am very blessed with good staff that have positive and flexible attitude and ability to provide me some good feedback and perspectives. But a couple staff that were hired recently by the company did rather create issues that I prefer not to even deal with (disappearing and not showing up at work and provided phone number going out of service), so it was quite stressful for me. sigh.

Wednesday is going to be a big nite for us. The start of the hockey season, so it will be mega busy!!! and I have a lot of work to take care of. I really *hope* that we can take care of staffing before then though..so people, please wish me good luck :) hehe

Hey, the other nite, the executive chef, Ryo-san prepared such amazing course menu for our valued customers. Please enjoy the presentation and beauty of his dishes as below:

I am truly blessed that I get to be inspired and stimulated seeing amazing creations as these though! Thanks very much, Ryo-san!

reflecting

The past few weeks were spent mostly taking care of my new career responsibility as an event/catering manager for a company that owns two separate Japanese restaurants.

Tonite, I was supposed to go out, but I came home disappointed as I was stuck at work until midnite and knowing that I would not be able to wake up early enough if I did make the decision to still go out and do *my thing* tonite....

Looking at my work schedule, I do not know when I would get to go and check out some sweet deephouse music next (or yet alone the opportunity to take a complete off for a day or two).

Although I love what I do for my work and I am blessed with the people that I work with, when I start looking into other needs that I have in my life, I find myself questioning: "what is it that I need in my life? What do I need to fulfill myself as a person????"

You know, my daily work out doing my cardio absolutely brings me a clear realization that I am given this life again. I often gain feelings such as "I am given another chance (a day) to live. How would I want live my day to fullfill it so that I will be happy eternally to go into the next world when my time comes??"

And usually, I have a wonderful day throughout the day and I forget how physically tired I maybe after having a long hour work, because everything that is given to me is ultimately a gift, and I must appreciate it fully (opportunity to work, opportunity to share my skills, ideas, creativities, initiatives etc).

But when I become alone, elements that are not fulfilled come into my mind wondering and questioning me when I will spend the energy to fulfill their needs. Maybe because I have covered such long hour work since I had my day off last time...

I miss spending time with my friends.
I miss having the time to go to kensington market and china town for my cooking.
I miss having hearty meal from in the morning.
I miss eating nice brunch with my roommate on the weekend.
I miss meeting up with my friends to chat and share whatever goes around in our minds and endlessly talk about some theories on energy/spirituality etc.
I miss.....feeling that I belong to the nature around me.

I think that I need to learn how to appreciate the given moment of time in each different picture slide that I live in. I could still appreciate my time riding on my bike from and to the gym as I pass through a road where you have humoungus trees on each side of the road, even it is for a short period of time.

I wished that I could make some arrangements with friends early in advance, so that I could manage to see them more frequently than letting a week go by without seeing any of them :(
But due to the nature of my work (a role in the management group), I must prioritize the emergent needs there, and it seems as though there is always a new business coming along our way and I would need to spend extra hours investigating on the background, objective, strategy, statistics etc...staring on the computer for hours and hours, and this is amazing career wise, but when I look into my needs to spend my friends, I become......sad..

My friends are my family.
I need to see them.
I need to spend time with them.
I need to share some smiles/laughters/bright ideas/insightful perspectives/positive energy with them.

Sigh. you know, and yes, I know I am going into the circle here, but I think I need to spend time with my friends.

Ange- I miss you girl. Where the hell are you when I need to go dancing or urban outfitters to try on some skirts in the change rooms together????? :(

****cool female friends into GOOD deephouse music in demand....I need to have some girly time right now!!!!!******

DAWN-I so wisheddd you were in T-dot! (or myself in Vancouver).
I miss my sisters--------it would be kinda dope if I could see them even they may tease me sometime for my geekyness.. LOL

TOMO- I wish to see you freaking SOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

LLORCA-NEWCOMER

The music that I am crazy about:

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/01 - The novel Sound.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/02 - Indigo Blues.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/03 - Lights Behind Windows.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/04 - I Cry (Original Mix).mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/05 - Any How.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/06 - True To Me.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/07 - Lalo Caught Me Dancing.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/08 - My Precious Thing.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/09 - The End.mp3

ENJOY :) and yay, I am excited about going out dancing to check out dirty dale tonite!! hehehehehe
God bless personal time! :)

my day off on sunday...sweet

i had a pretty productive day today.
i woke up feeling quite refreshed, although I stayed up quite late the nite before dancing up in a storm at a local club.

i had a quick hunger fix and proceeded to take a bath and clean the entire apartment. Although I took care of my laundry, I decided to wash some stuff more (kitchen mattress etc) today.

then later at 3pm-ish, I got on my bike andwent to shopping at winners and zara-two of my favorite shopping spots. Then I came back home early enough to get to the gym at 5pm for my 1 hr and 45 minutes work out :) I listened to a mix by a person known to me, and what can I say? wow, it sounds very groovy! lol no wonder his production work is on the Osunlade label right now (remix). I had a great cardio listening to great music :) and it always makes me happy to have a good cardio session for the day.

Then I went to a grocery shopping, where it was flooded by humans! lol Some sections/shelves at the store were emptied and had no inventory. Had no idea how so many people decided to rush into the store, but oh well, i got my produce there and came home and made some beef teriyaki stir-fry with loads of mushroom...hmmm tasted very yummy.

I then marinated some chicken to make orange chicken tomorrow, and organized my room a little. I did over 3 hours worth of work at my desk to prepare myself for the upcoming week. It will be busy! and I am excited to know how my preparation will pay off :)

It is my grandma's b-day today in Japan (Sep 25, 2005), so I stayed up late to give her a call on her mobile. She was very surprised to hear my voice, and initially did not believe that it was me. LOL but she sounded very happy that I called her. We talked about my new job, and her life there in Japan. She asked me how my best friend has been doing, so yeah, if you were reading this, you should know that there is someone (from my family) that is thinking of you ;) LOL

It is quite late already now, so I will go and sleep now, but I wanted to update my journal to cerebrate my productive day that I had today..It's such an awesome feeling when you get to complete all the things that you wanted to do during the given hour in the day though :) woo hoo. I will try to have productive work flow this coming week also.

peace and love always, kumi

phew

well, some of you might have been wondering where the hell I had disappeared to.. it is not that i did not want to update my blog and it's just that i did not even had the time to do it~~~~~

some may say: "oh, that's something new" LOL
but it's for real that I was working for like 60-70 hrs/week in the past two weeks without normal weekend off. For a person that used to work in the 9-5 office environment, the nature of my work sort of shook me a little at first, cause I had no idea when I would be able to get sometime off even to take care of some personal things, but now it's been over two weeks since I started my job, I got kind of used to it now...

This weekend, luckily, there were no events happening, so I could sleep in a little this morning, and went into work for a meeting with my boss and the executive chef at the restaurant. My boss kindly gave me a lift home, so I went to do some laundry (the laundry machine at my apartment sucks) in my neighborhood, grabbed a piece of pizza for my dinner (meah) and came home deciding whether to go out dancing or not.

Well, it has been way tooooooooo long since I went out for dancing, so I said to myself: "if not tonite, I wouldnot even know when I could go out next", and called up my dancing all nite long buddy and we went out. I thought that John Beltran was in the house tonite, but a phone call from my friend proved me wrong when he said: "I do not think this is the place that we were supposed to be tonite". I was about to leave the place and was having my soho and orange juice as I talked to him, and did a quick research once again. Dang. It was YESTERDAY and not on SATURDAY NITE>>>>> :(((((( I felt so aweful learning that my friend already paid to get inside at this club that was having top british pop of some sort. I offered to pay him back the cost and for the cover to the place that we both agreed to go. So we went out to footwork, where some local deephouse djs were playing.

I got there at like 12:45am, and the crowd definitely wasn't a typical deephouse peeps, but people were having good time, so it was fun watching people enjoying themselves on the dance floor. It has been way too long since I went out dancing and actually *danced my ass off*, so not sure how I would dance..but as time went by, I became more relaxed and actually started enjoying dancing on the floor. Towards the end of the nite, a girl came up to me asking me to teach her how I dance etc..it was such a sweet compliment, and it always makes me feel kinda flattered whenever people approach me like that at a club (especially straight girls, cause I know that they are not trying to get something off me like some straight horny dudes may do..lol)..so I told her to just feel the music, and imagine how you want to dance with the music and move your body..we dance a little together, and it was very FUN :) I love to dance with people!!

So I was very glad that I got my ass off the bed and went out tonite. :)
I feel very energized after doing something that I feel very passionate about. I decided to keep this in my blog, so that I will try to make time to go out more frequently even I may have to work the next day, cause nothing can beat the power of energizing oneself by doing something so passioate and exciting you know!! :) anyway, hope you all are having great weekend!

tomorrow, I want to do some grocery shopping, cleaning, shopping and writing letters to my family and friends. Peace and love always, Kumi

1step closer to my dream

Well, I would like to announce to all my friends and loved ones that I was recently given and have accepted this great job opportunity to work as a supervisor for a company for their launch of restaurant at an Air Canada Center (loads of concerts are held there and we will be providing catering services etc there) and supervision of stuff in two other restaurants they have in Toronto.

Yes, I know! I am one step closer to my ultimate dream to open, own and manage my own restaurant as an extension of the restaurant that my family has been running for over 80 years, and this is very exciting to me!!

Life is funny.

Because everything fell into the right place, as soon as I have determined to stay true to who I was and made a commitment to take any necessary actions to turn my dreams come true.

I did not have the courage to explore my opportunities to work in the restaurant management business, because I felt that such things are usually taken care of within the owner's network of people and never advertised in public, you know? So I accepted such fact as that and continued looking for jobs in the corporate companies. Stupid, I know, but very lucky, cause I just got what I wanted, I tell you ;)

Growing up seeing my parents working in the restaurant socializing with the customers and accommodating them with Japanese serving skills and manner, I think that this *serving people* in the restaurant business is in my blood. Although I am interested in the management side, I believe that one needs to understand what needs to be taken care of in the order to present ourselves professionally, serve customers providing them a precious restaurant experience that could brighten up their day/spirits, you know?

But the reality is, I do not have much deep understanding and experience working in the Canadian restaurant business. I must know how it works and its challenges.

I feel that working with the owner of the restaurant (a very warm hearted Jewish gentleman) and the chief cook (humble Japanese cook whose hard work that I admire and respect) will bring more than what the money can buy. I already learned and gained something very inspiring and passionate just by talking to them.

The energy is right. I feel the door has finally opened for me. and I feel that all the experience that I have had in the past were only the preparationary thing for me to get where I am right now :) I feel that I am now ready to explore my adventure pursuing my dreams working in the restaurant business and this is very exciting to me. I am very thankful for this, and will devote my passion, energy and soul into the project and can't wait to see myself, our team and the company growing in near future!!!

:)

Today is my first day. I am about to head to the gym and get ready for my day.

You all have a wonderful day. Life is what you make out of, and we have our powerful minds to turn everything into the positive!

Peace and love,

Kumi

"I feel absolutely fabulous!!"

I had such a fabulous day!
Great news with a lot of career opportunities that are coming on my way.
Until things are settled, I shall keep it personal and confidential, but things are looking GREAT :)

Most importantly, I had such great meetings with a couple gentlemen who shared similar idealism and passion for carrer (business) and personal development with my own. While talking to them, it brought such great sense of comfort, assuring me to stay who I am. I have been doubtful about it (staying true to who I am), because of a difficult time cultivating a path to my ultimate career having had not so much luck in gaining the opportunities that I would drool on. But it is also true how I have only recently became empowered by insightful comments and feedback by people who shared a similar vision on life philosophy, so I can not claim that things have been that difficult, because I have not been sticking to my own true calling for so long!!! LOL (no complaining if no actions taken! ;) )

But now that I feel very much tuned with my own inner self, I feel much stronger, empowered and fully aware about changes that go thru within me and in my life, and I feel GREAT, because I know I can accept the reality and adapt to it with my flexible mind and open attitude and heart :)

Starting this week, my gym is having a member appreciation week.
And a lot of new adult fitness classes are having demonstrations as well.

Today I participated in the Jazz dance and NIA class.

The Jazz class was fun, but after taking the NIA class, I was blown away and felt: "this is what I have been waiting for!! this is soooo my stuff!!!!!"

For those who do not know NIA, please visit this website that gives you a great overview of this fitness medicine :) and it is important that you understand its philosophy to fully understand this spiritually nurturing and highly touching experience that I had.

The instructor gave us an oral description of NIA in the first 5 minutes of our 30 minutes demonstration, and started the class.

During the exercise, she would encourage us to feel the space and our body, and gather specific emotions that we experience on our daily basis as a human. We gathered negative emotions and threw them away by engaging in vocal expressions and through many different bodily movements. We also nurtured and healed our spirituality by acknowledging our self respect and love.

During the class, the instructor's instructions and warm messages were so touching that I became emotional and felt like crying. I also felt that I have been exercising alone for way too long. I discovered a joy of self-nuturing and healing with others by openly sharing our true emotions.

Towards the end of the class, we did a little exercise to empower ourselves as women. The instructor asked us to repeat after her, and we loudly claimed ourselves to be: "strong, aleart, aware, conscious, feeling gorgeous and fabulous and sexy". :)

I felt that NIA would help me develop and improve my body launguage and movements to express my emotions to myself and with others.

I got so interested in this that I am curious to learn more and find ways to practice it on my own. But I am very determined to enroll in this NIA class now (not so much sure about Jazz after participating in this NIA class and realizing that I like more of cultural body movements), so I hope that enough people will show their interests by next Tuesday.

Peace and love,

Kumi

Insightful Comment for Daily Life Decision Making...

Below is a very insightful comment that was given to me upon making my career decision.
I thought that the commenter ROCKS and wanted to keep it in my own blog for me to reflect on whenever I may need to do so later on whenever making any kind of important life decisions.

I personally think in times like these you have to find a balance between the two (learning to tilt the scale towards the side you are passionate about). Spiritual consciousness should come first in any situation you approach. But there will be times you have to do things to survive (food, shelter, transportation). Getting a regular job isnt less spiritual than owning your own business. It's the type of job that matters. If it's a thing you are struggling with being on your conscious then you have to pass or sacrifice for a better momentary situation. Always view life as your last chance to find and act upon your "purpose". Everyone can attain a car, house, whats considered a good job but will you be that person that is an impact on inspiring others, promoting positive change, leaving behind a great name/legacy and most of all expressing yourself freely with out constraints. Times are hard for all of us at this moment. I think this is the time your spirituality has to be nutured do to so much tradegy, evil spirited acts, natural phenomena and economic depression. Remember all good things come to those who wait and put their hearts/souls into. Compromise enough to surive but invest in what you are spiritually connect to. You are human before anything. Meaning your net worth, riches, status quo acceptance as being "successful", material assets, and status are things rated by a man made system. On a meta-physical & spiritual thing they mean nothing. You do need to survive in a world that practices a rating system. But inner happiness which reflects outward is more than this and shouldn't be looked over for no one, nobody or anything..

Thank you very much, Shannon for sharing your wisdom with me. Peace and love,
Kumi

New Orleans

Subject: Notes from New Orleans Friday, 4 p.m.
Sent: Saturday, September 3, 2005 5:22 AM Very interesting read from someone who has directly experienced the strife and has just composed this letter...

Notes From Inside New Orleans

by Jordan Flaherty

Friday, September 2, 2005

I just left New Orleans a couple hours ago. I traveled from the apartment I was staying in by boat to a helicopter to a refugee camp. If anyone wants to examine the attitude of federal and state officials towards the victims of hurricane Katrina, I advise you to visit one of the refugee camps.

In the refugee camp I just left, on the I-10 freeway near Causeway, thousands of people (at least 90% black and poor) stood and squatted in mud and trash behind metal barricades, under an unforgiving sun, with heavily armed soldiers standing guard over them. When a bus would come through, it would stop at a random spot, state police would open a gap in one of the barricades, and people would rush for the bus, with no information given about where the bus was going. Once inside (we were
told) evacuees would be
told where the bus was taking them - Baton Rouge, Houston, Arkansas, Dallas, or other locations. I was told that if you boarded a bus bound for Arkansas (for example), even people with family and a place to stay in Baton Rouge would not be allowed to get out of the bus as it passed through Baton Rouge.
You had no choice but to go to the shelter in Arkansas. If you had people willing to come to New Orleans to pick you up, they could not come within 17 miles of the camp.

I traveled throughout the camp and spoke to Red Cross workers, Salvation Army workers, National Guard, and state police, and although they were friendly, no one could give me any details on when buses would arrive, how many, where they would go to, or any other information. I spoke to the several teams of journalists nearby, and asked if any of them had been able to get any information from any federal or state officials on any of these questions, and all of them, from Australian tv to local Fox affiliates complained of an unorganized, non-communicative, mess.
One cameraman told
me "as someone who's been here in this camp for two days, the only information I can give you is this: get out by nightfall. You don't want to be here at night."

There was also no visible attempt by any of those running the camp to set up any sort of transparent and consistent system, for instance a line to get on buses, a way to register contact information or find family members, special needs services for children and infirm, phone services, treatment for possible disease exposure, nor even a single trash can.

To understand this tragedy, its important to look at New Orleans itself.

For those who have not lived in New Orleans, you have missed a incredible, glorious, vital, city. A place with a culture and energy unlike anywhere else in the world. A 70% African-American city where resistance to white supremecy has supported a generous, subversive and unique culture of vivid beauty. From jazz, blues and hiphop, to secondlines, Mardi Gras Indians, Parades, Beads, Jazz Funerals, and red beans and rice on Monday nights, New Orleans is a place of art and music and dance and sexuality and liberation unlike anywhere else in the world.

It is a city of kindness and hospitality, where walking down the block can take two hours because you stop and talk to someone on every porch, and where a community pulls together when someone is in need. It is a city of extended families and social networks filling the gaps left by city, state and federal goverments that have abdicated their responsibilty for the public welfare. It is a city where someone you walk past on the street not only asks how you are, they wait for an answer.

It is also a city of exploitation and segregation and fear. The city of New Orleans has a population of just over 500,000 and was expecting 300 murders this year, most of them centered on just a few, overwhelmingly black, neighborhoods. Police have been quoted as saying that they don't need to search out the perpetrators, because usually a few days after a shooting, the attacker is shot in revenge.

There is an atmosphere of intense hostility and distrust between much of Black New Orleans and the N.O. Police Department. In recent months, officers have been accused of everything from drug running to corruption to theft. In seperate incidents, two New Orleans police officers were recently charged with rape (while in uniform), and there have been several high profile police killings of unarmed youth, including the murder of Jenard Thomas, which has inspired ongoing weekly protests for several months.

The city has a 40% illiteracy rate, and over 50% of black ninth graders will not graduate in four years. Louisiana spends on average $4,724 per child's education and ranks 48th in the country for lowest teacher salaries. The equivalent of more than two classrooms of young people drop out of Louisiana schools every day and about 50,000 students are absent from school on any given day. Far too many young black men from New Orleans end up enslaved in Angola Prison, a former slave plantation where inmates still do manual farm labor, and over 90% of inmates eventually die in the prison. It is a city where industry has left, and most remaining jobs are are low-paying, transient, insecure jobs in the service economy.

Race has always been the undercurrent of Louisiana politics. This disaster is one that was constructed out of racism, neglect and incompetence.
Hurricane Katrina was the inevitable spark igniting the gasoline of cruelty and corruption. From the neighborhoods left most at risk, to the treatment of the refugees to the the media portayal of the victims, this disaster is shaped by race.

Louisiana politics is famously corrupt, but with the tragedies of this week our political leaders have defined a new level of incompetence. As hurricane Katrina approached, our Governor urged us to "Pray the hurricane down" to a level two. Trapped in a building two days after the hurricane, we tuned our battery-operated radio into local radio and tv stations, hoping for vital news, and were told that our governor had called for a day of prayer. As rumors and panic began to rule, they was no source of solid dependable information. Tuesday night, politicians and reporters said the water level would rise another 12 feet - instead it stabilized. Rumors spread like wildfire, and the politicians and media only made it worse.

While the rich escaped New Orleans, those with nowhere to go and no way to get there were left behind. Adding salt to the wound, the local and national media have spent the last week demonizing those left behind. As someone that loves New Orleans and the people in it, this is the part of this tragedy that hurts me the most, and it hurts me deeply.

No sane person should classify someone who takes food from indefinitely closed stores in a desperate, starving city as a "looter," but thats just what the media did over and over again. Sherrifs and politicians talked of having troops protect stores instead of perform rescue operations.

Images of New Orleans' hurricane-ravaged population were transformed into black, out-of-control, criminals. As if taking a stereo from a store that will clearly be insured against loss is a greater crime than the governmental neglect and incompetence that did billions of dollars of damage and destroyed a city. This media focus is a tactic, just as the eighties focus on "welfare queens" and "super-predators"
obscured the simultaneous
and much larger crimes of the Savings and Loan scams and mass layoffs, the hyper-exploited people of New Orleans are being used as a scapegoat to cover up much larger crimes.

City, state and national politicians are the real criminals here. Since at least the mid-1800s, its been widely known the danger faced by flooding to New Orleans. The flood of 1927, which, like this week's events, was more about politics and racism than any kind of natural disaster, illustrated exactly the danger faced. Yet government officials have consistently refused to spend the money to protect this poor, overwhelmingly black, city.
While FEMA and others warned of the urgent impending danger to New Orleans and put forward proposals for funding to reinforce and protect the city, the Bush administration, in every year since 2001, has cut or refused to fund New Orleans flood control, and ignored scientists warnings of increased hurricanes as a result of global warming. And, as the dangers rose with the floodlines, the lack of coordinated response dramatized vividly the callous disregard of our elected leaders.

The aftermath from the 1927 flood helped shape the elections of both a US President and a Governor, and ushered in the southern populist politics of Huey Long.

In the coming months, billions of dollars will likely flood into New Orleans. This money can either be spent to usher in a "New Deal" for the city, with public investment, creation of stable union jobs, new schools, cultural programs and housing restoration, or the city can be "rebuilt and revitalized" to a shell of its former self, with newer hotels, more casinos, and with chain stores and theme parks replacing the former neighborhoods, cultural centers and corner jazz clubs.

Long before Katrina, New Orleans was hit by a hurricane of poverty, racism, disinvestment, de-industrialization and corruption.
Simply the damage from
this pre-Katrina hurricane will take billions to repair.

Now that the money is flowing in, and the world's eyes are focused on Katrina, its vital that progressive-minded people take this opportunity to fight for a rebuilding with justice. New Orleans is a special place, and we need to fight for its rebirth.

-----------------------------------------------
Jordan Flaherty is an editor of Left Turn Magazine (http://www.leftturn.org
).

-----------------------------------------------

Below are some small, grassroots and New Orleans-based resources, organizations and institutions that will need your support in the coming months.

Social Justice:
http://www.jjpl.org http://www.iftheycanlearn.org http://www.nolaps.org http://www.thepeoplesinstitute.org/

http://www.criticalresistance.org/index.php?name=crno_home


Cultural Resources:
http://www.backstreetculturalmuseum.com

http://www.ashecac.org/ http://198.66.50.128/gallery/ http://www.nolahumanrights.org http://www.freewebs.com/ironrail/ http://www.girlgangproductions.com/

Current Info and Resources:
http://neworleans.craigslist.org/about/help/katrina_cl.html

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Thank you for reading.

"It is through reflection that we develop our will and determination to follow certain practices. For example, let us examine the basis of the benefits which come from giving. When we give, we respond to the needs of those who have less than us. Thus we contribute, according to our capacity, to the alleviation of their suffering. Their well-being also gives us an immense feeling of satisfaction and joy. And since this joy gives rise to peace and serenity, it helps both us and others to be more happy. Our happiness is deeply connected with that of others".

For those interested in supporting the victims of this tragedy, please kindly visit below links:

http://www.worldvision.ca
http://donate.wvus.org/OA_HTML/xxwvibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=394&cmp=EMC-131
5220&xxwvCampaign=1315220

Thank you for your kind heart and compassion.
May you have happy and at peace always,

Sincerely,

Your friend,
Kumiko Yajima

Final Decision

So after spending literally 24 hrs/day in the previous few days (to be exact, until the last minute LOL), I made a decision to reject the job offer that I received for the translator position 2.5 hrs north of Toronto.

I have never had this much of trouble/difficult time making a decision in my life before.
I usually use the comparision of pros and cons strategy wheneve making a decision or simply based on my primal needs, but more and more I thought of things and considered different perspectives, more I got confused.

Last Thursday, I was on the stair masters doing my cardio when my close friend, Tomo came by to my gym for her yoga class. We made an arrangement to see each other after her class at 8:30pm.

We went to a cafe closed to her neighborhood and she kindly listened to all the things that I was finding difficult in my life. She (as usual) gave me insightful comments and advise while we were there, and we left the cafe and went to her place.

We started watching *big size me*, but she handed me a book that caught my full attention.
In this book titled: "The Life you were born to Live-a guide to finding our life purpose", the author, Millman invites readers into the world of The Life Purpose System, a method of life-purpose analysis that is similar to numerology yet more practical, using the time of our birth as the indicator of right livelihood. Millman doesnt stop at discussing the eleven basic life paths or their several variations, but has much to say about the influence of spiritual laws, from flexibility and balance to discipline and perfection.

Anyway, the book pointed out how I tend to make my decision based on money. This also meant my tendency to limit my potential/opportunity because of it too. It's true how I did make my career decisions based on it in the past, simply because I had to take care of my self financially. The recent job opportunity that I gained would definitely put myself free in my finance providing me financial security and materialistic comfort and all, but I realized that as long as I continue making my decision based on such a thing, I can never reach to the ultimate/ideal career goal that I visualize myself to be in future.

So I decided to clarify what I want in my life in the order to start taking small actions to get to where I want to be.

I gotta learn how to count my blessing and be fully appreciative for what is given to me without letting my stress put me down.

Right now, I am chilling in my apartment listening to a great music set by Hali by tuning into the netmusique.com radio station, and am about to write my goals that I want to achieve 6 months from now.

Thanks for reading and your continued support!

Sincerely,

Kumi

Analyzing my mind to better make my personal decisions

Last nite, I caught my good friend, Tatsu, who has been on his journey travelling southeast Asia (currently at Cambodia) online on his MSN that I was able to engage in a good conversation with him and helped me come to a page that I wanted myself to be dealing with my given scenario with my job search.

I made a note on my August 30th entry how I have been wondering how much of given circumstance to accept as reality of my life and when and how much of my humble self to let get into actions respecting my personal desire as an internal truth...

Tatsu mentioned how dealth is everywhere in Cambodia and told me what it was like to make a visit to one of the death fields that took place during the civil war. According to him, "there were the most mass graves. There's a huge pagoda in the middle stacked to the sky with skulls of victims extracted from the graves and the surrounding grounds are still littered with things like teeth and shards of bone".

He told me how everyone there is so desparate to work, any kind of jobs that they can get.

Hearing this story (reality in Cambodia) made me feel how my concern about my job search is such a selfish thing to deal with.

And thusly it led me ponder on the *how much reality to accept and how much humble self to kick in* while talking to him.

Unfortunately, he had to go before we complete our conversation, but while writing an email to him actually helped me clarify some of my confusion, so I would like to share the conclusion that I have came with on this topic.

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I think that we must ask the origin of our own desires whenever we get lost unable to decide a good balance between accepting a given scenario (although it may not be the most ideal situation) and fighting against it and trying to turn things around for our favour.

If our desire is based on pure positive energy: compassionate thought, respect for one’s personal interests, free from materialistic and superficial thoughts, then we deserve to stick with the desire, you know?

The same thing applies when dealing with accepting a given circumstance.

If accepting lowers the level of our suffering, then surely, we should definitely accept what is given to us.

But one may find it difficult to accept the reality.

One must ask why it is so difficult for us to accept.

There should be reasons why. Usually it is because of our internal desires that are against the reality.

So here we go, we must ask the origin of our desires.

And if our desires are pure positive kind of energy, then we need to use our creative mind and patience to stick with what our heart tells us.

We must bare the challenge to stay respectful to our own thoughts after all....

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So I think that I must map out all these thoughts that I have in my mind with regards to my job search.

I am in a shoe where I must make up my mind to accept a job offer that commences in October 1st by tomorrow afternoon.

If I accepted this job offer, I must relocate myself 2.5 hr north of Toronto. My friends tell me that it will be very difficult to live there without a car during the winter time. I do not know how well I will handle this challenge mentally considering that I will not have the support system there (no friends). I know that I could come here to Toronto during the weekend, but spending 5 hrs on the Greyhound bus does not sound too bright neither. On a positive side, this challenge shall help me grow into a stronger individual, and it should allow me to gain some confidence and strength that I need dealing with my PTSD. But it is also true that I am a type of an individual who find herself passing out on the ground by burning herself out before her mental self realizes (runner's mentality I guess, LOL), so I must watch out for potential down time by moving there and I do not want to be in a shoe where I can not reach out to people I would feel comfortable to share my own thoughts (weakness) with. So I must make sure that I will have a good network of support system before I make a decision to move there. I have contacted my counsellor to see if there is any support group that I could rely on in this small city. I need to make a list of my short term goals (what I want to achieve) and narrow down necessary sacrifices to get where I need to be. So that is what I am going to do right now.

Peace,

Kumi