This morning, the condition of my face was better, so I went back to work.
The cold weather out sort of cut my skin around my mouth, but I was mentally ready for it this time. At work, everyone was very supportive and caring, so it made me very comfortable to be back.
In the morning, I felt as though the burn also caused brain damage on me, cause I was making so much stupid mistakes...but in the afternoon, I catched up on things (somewhat) and was back on track thanks to everyone's support.
One of the founders of the company is the person who invented the wire coating technology/solution that is only available in the whole world told me that the combination of the glycolic acid and the ingredients of the gel do cause burn on the skin. He and his assistant showed me a very scary look when I told them what happened, as if they knew it would be an obvious nightmare to expect, only if I had known more chemistry. LOL
They were very sympathetic for me, and recommended something to try for my speedy recovery. Too bad, I forgot what exactly it was. I must get the name tomorrow.
But anyway, overall, my first day back at work was good. I am thankful for everyone's support (once again), and patience. I am truly blessed to have very understanding bosses, supportive and caring co-workers. I mean truthfully, they do have such caring characters. I was touched.
So I am thankful for surrounding myself in a good work environment.
Okay, it's time for me to go and sleep. Good nite. Oh, I really HOPE that my skin would be well enough to go and see Dino & Terry..... I hope SO!!
P.S.
Note to myself-this weekend, Garage 416 10 year Anniversary party and Theo Parish gig on Saturday..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Time to shake my booty :) yay. I am so happy!
Friday, February 10, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Third Day after the Origin of Nightmare
Well, after visiting 5 doctors and seeing my face getting worst with the extreme dryness and cuts around my eyes, nose and mouth, I wasn't giving up seeking some help, cause if I did, it will be me who will have to deal with my consequence of the burn on my face.
I called the walk in clinic (the doctor that burnt my entire skin on my face) asking them why they have not called me back for the appointment with a dermatologist that they promised to make for me first thing in the morning. The receptionist said, if there were no call, no appointment. What an ignorant amateur idiot, God! (with Napoleon accent), I thought. I told her that it was their responsibility to provide me a choice to see a dermatologist immediately, since all this happened because of the lack of attention of the doctor who prescribed me some gel that reacted badly with the facial cleanser (glycolic acid-evil shite, now I know!) burning my entire skin of my face.
Well, they did call me back 5 minutes later for an afternoon appointment.
They did not confirm the full name of the dermatologist ("I have no time for that", the irresponsible secretary told me), so I could not confirm if it was the doctor where I read some negative comments/feedback on the internet (thanks to the technology, I landed a meeting minute of the toronto dermatologist organization of some sort, where this doctor was sort of slammed, because of her evil attitude putting the rest of dermatologists in the city down in the media interviews etc), but nevertheless, at the point, I had not seen a professional that claimed to be a dermatologist, so I said to myself that it is worth while checking what she would need to say.
I arrived at the clinic, and I was able to see the doctor relatively without much waiting time.
She never studied my face, but was too busy trying to understand each word written on the referral from the walk in clinic doctor (she was freaking old like in the 70s). And she proceeded to tell me that what I need is 4 times stronger antibiotics than what I am already taking. I was like, "but, madam, the only reason why I am here today is because I need an immediate treatment on my burnt skin, not to cure my acne problem".
She told me to shut up. She did not want to know why I was there to see her. She blamed me it was my fault for taking the gel and glycolic acid on my face, although I told her that I had checked with a person who claimed to be professional family physician first before doing so.
She did not care.
Basically, she was a witch, such a stubburn old lady who does not know how to listen to the patient (I thought that all the doctors knew how important it is for them to listen to the patients before providing any medical advise..I guess after long years of practice, some of them may become quite arrogant and feel absolutely sure with their first judgment..such a poor and scary habit, I thought).
I started thinking: "Honesty, this is what I call, a waste of my time".
So I thanked her for her time and advise, and left her office.
I headed to the next dermatologist appointment with an Acne clinic where I would not need a referral from a family physician.
The doctor there and his assistant were the first one to finally study the severity of my burn of my face, advise me what I need to heal my skin and how long I will need to be patient and gentle with my skin.
The doctor told me "don't worry, we will fix you". This sort of sounded as if they were going to use the cosmetic practice to fix me, but still, after this nightmare and if this will leave me a permanent scars and patches on my face, I will probably consider laser operation to remove my scar..but it has been only a few days, so will see :)
Anyway, they GAVE ME some treatments that immediately reduced the irritation on my skin.
I was like: "finally, the VICTORY IS MINE!!" (with Stewie's accent) LOL
So I was a happy girl ever.
Although it was a tough challenge after experiencing this nightmare, thanks to my friends, my roommate, my co-workers and supervisors's support and understanding, I have reached the point where I can relax and trust someone's guidance on my way to healing my face.
At the same time, I feel that this experience gave me an opportunity to really test my strength and self-respect and responsibility. Whenever I get sick, I have this tendency to whine and always beg for my mom (in my mind), but this time, I am very proud that I took care of everything by leading my self, even at the bottom of this challenge, where it was even so scary to see my own face!
So I am proud of myself :) Yay. Victory is mine!
I hope that I will be well enough to go back to WORK :) Here we go, lots of work to do! :)
Very thankful for the guidance by the thoughtful and reliable dermatologist :)
I called the walk in clinic (the doctor that burnt my entire skin on my face) asking them why they have not called me back for the appointment with a dermatologist that they promised to make for me first thing in the morning. The receptionist said, if there were no call, no appointment. What an ignorant amateur idiot, God! (with Napoleon accent), I thought. I told her that it was their responsibility to provide me a choice to see a dermatologist immediately, since all this happened because of the lack of attention of the doctor who prescribed me some gel that reacted badly with the facial cleanser (glycolic acid-evil shite, now I know!) burning my entire skin of my face.
Well, they did call me back 5 minutes later for an afternoon appointment.
They did not confirm the full name of the dermatologist ("I have no time for that", the irresponsible secretary told me), so I could not confirm if it was the doctor where I read some negative comments/feedback on the internet (thanks to the technology, I landed a meeting minute of the toronto dermatologist organization of some sort, where this doctor was sort of slammed, because of her evil attitude putting the rest of dermatologists in the city down in the media interviews etc), but nevertheless, at the point, I had not seen a professional that claimed to be a dermatologist, so I said to myself that it is worth while checking what she would need to say.
I arrived at the clinic, and I was able to see the doctor relatively without much waiting time.
She never studied my face, but was too busy trying to understand each word written on the referral from the walk in clinic doctor (she was freaking old like in the 70s). And she proceeded to tell me that what I need is 4 times stronger antibiotics than what I am already taking. I was like, "but, madam, the only reason why I am here today is because I need an immediate treatment on my burnt skin, not to cure my acne problem".
She told me to shut up. She did not want to know why I was there to see her. She blamed me it was my fault for taking the gel and glycolic acid on my face, although I told her that I had checked with a person who claimed to be professional family physician first before doing so.
She did not care.
Basically, she was a witch, such a stubburn old lady who does not know how to listen to the patient (I thought that all the doctors knew how important it is for them to listen to the patients before providing any medical advise..I guess after long years of practice, some of them may become quite arrogant and feel absolutely sure with their first judgment..such a poor and scary habit, I thought).
I started thinking: "Honesty, this is what I call, a waste of my time".
So I thanked her for her time and advise, and left her office.
I headed to the next dermatologist appointment with an Acne clinic where I would not need a referral from a family physician.
The doctor there and his assistant were the first one to finally study the severity of my burn of my face, advise me what I need to heal my skin and how long I will need to be patient and gentle with my skin.
The doctor told me "don't worry, we will fix you". This sort of sounded as if they were going to use the cosmetic practice to fix me, but still, after this nightmare and if this will leave me a permanent scars and patches on my face, I will probably consider laser operation to remove my scar..but it has been only a few days, so will see :)
Anyway, they GAVE ME some treatments that immediately reduced the irritation on my skin.
I was like: "finally, the VICTORY IS MINE!!" (with Stewie's accent) LOL
So I was a happy girl ever.
Although it was a tough challenge after experiencing this nightmare, thanks to my friends, my roommate, my co-workers and supervisors's support and understanding, I have reached the point where I can relax and trust someone's guidance on my way to healing my face.
At the same time, I feel that this experience gave me an opportunity to really test my strength and self-respect and responsibility. Whenever I get sick, I have this tendency to whine and always beg for my mom (in my mind), but this time, I am very proud that I took care of everything by leading my self, even at the bottom of this challenge, where it was even so scary to see my own face!
So I am proud of myself :) Yay. Victory is mine!
I hope that I will be well enough to go back to WORK :) Here we go, lots of work to do! :)
Very thankful for the guidance by the thoughtful and reliable dermatologist :)
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Nightmare-Can't trust anybody
On Saturday nite, we went to check out and to support the Garage 416 featuring Spiritual Music Record party where Kamati Pinkston played some soulful and funky music. I had such a blast dancing, and had a great time :)
From this evening, my eyes started to irritate me my tears running down non-stop for some reasons. I thought that it was just because of the cold weather.
When I woke up on Sunday, my face was extremely dry and my acene broke out badly (out of control), so it really was a time to see a doctor. But what kind of doctor would operate/see patients on Sunday? Well, I thought it is better to see someone than not, so I went to this only clinic in town that was open on Sunday.
The doctor said that it was just a typical acne problem. He gave me some antibiotics and gel to apply on my acne. He suggested that I do take the medicine and apply the gel before going to bed. I did that at 9pm and went to bed by 10pm. I also showed the facial cleanser that I have been using to wash my face. He said it is okay to continue using, so I did so as suggested.
When I woke up on Monday, my skin was super dry, irritated and yet swollen that I could not even recognize my face. I got so scared so I went to see this walk in clinic doctor that I have seen before (in my neighborhood). He suggested that I get off the gel that was prescribed to me, and get any cleanser and lotion that a drug store pharmacist can recommend. So I got what she recommended and apply on my skin.
But towards the end of the nite, entire skin of my face became extremely frakey and peeling, leaving very sensitive red skin underneath causing burning and tingle sensations on my skin. The skin around my face and eye were so red and cut. It was just so painful that I thought I need to do something before this experience leaves me permanent scar physically and emotionally.
So I went to the emergency of the Toronto General Hospital.
I registered myself in at 11:45pm. The last person before me was seen by the doctor at 2:35am. I waited and waited. A nurse who passed by asked me if I already saw a doctor. I said "nobody has come and call my name yet". The clock pointed 4:00am. All these tired/sleepy staff completey forgot about my existence. The doctor looked as if he felt guilty when he took me to the patient's room. At least it let him sit down and consulted what's wrong with me this time, I guess it is better, I thought.
He basically concluded that the facial cleanser that the doctor said it's okay for me to continue using had either a bad allergic reaction on me or caused bad chemical reaction with the gel that he prescribed me, burning my entire skin as if I got a really bad sun burn or got caught in fire.
Either way, my skin is now burnt and peeling entirly.
He suggested not to use any cleanser with chemical in it and let the time heal. He also said that maybe I am allergic to certain foods too. He said that if I want to see him again to take some food allergy testing, I should make an appointment with him on Wednesday or Friday privately at the clinic that he works on those days.
I came home and slept.
On Tuesday I woke up and was horrified to see my face, because entire skin on my face were peeling leaving red big marks/spots all over it. The swelling of my eye and left cheek have not got any better. Not knowing where and how to get the professional advise that I needed, I had to cry to let my frustration out of me. *NOBODY IS HELPING ME EVEN I NEED IMMEDIATE ATTENTION*.
I called my co-worker asking her for her suggestion. She suggested that I return to the first doctor who gave me the medicine that burnt my skin to get the appointment with a dermatologist. So I did. He said "it's worst huh?" "Has anyone recommended acutane to you before??" I was like, why can't you get it, I need to do something for my allergic reaction on my face to heal first before leaving permanent scar on my face. I am not interested in taking any more antibiotics or gels on my acne than I have already taken!
So I told him that "it's obvious that I am allergic to certain chemicals or the combination of your prescribed medicine and recommended cleanser caused a bad chemical reaction burning my face like this, so I am not interested in getting more medicine or listening to an advise from a non-specialist. I demand you refer me to a darmatologist immediately before this leaves me permanent scar on my face and making this whole experience traumatic".
He requested his secretary to try making an appointment from two doctors. One of them with which they could not get a hold of. The secretary suggested I go to the clinic (because they are open until 5pm) physically right away. So I got on a cab and went. The clinic was closed by 3:30pm. I called back the walk-in clinic, and she told me that she would make an appointment for me tomorrow morning.
I came home feeling how unprofessional these people all are, decided to do some search on the internet about this dermatologist that they tried to make an appointment for me. It turns out that she is not even a dermatologist, but specialised in internal organs etc. I was like,,, Why do I need to waste my time seeing someone who can not help me, when my need is quite serious and emergent??
I was so frustrated. I called my friend and he suggested that I go and seek some help from the women's college hospital in down town. The nurse was very supportive, emotionally caring and such a sweet heart.
The doctor there told me that because I have seen quite a few doctors already and condition is not getting any better, and since he is not specialized in dermatology, he is hesitated to give me any suggestion what to apply on my dry/frakey/cut skin. His best suggestion is not to put anything on. I asked him if he could refer me to a dermatologist. He said that because he is not my family doctor, he can not refer me to any. I must return to the doctor who burnt my skin to see a specialist. I thought it just did not make any sense to me.
I will not return to the doctor who burnt my face anymore-period.
So I went to the nurse who helped me, explained my situation and asked her if she could recommend me to any helpful doctor that may be able to refer me to a dermatologist asap.
She recommended her own family doctor and said that hopefully that will help me get a dermatologist right away. It was very sweet of her.
I came back home with detoxifying juice (36 oz) to detoxify all the chemicals that must be in my system. I also got some chinese food take out for my roommate, cause I wasn't cooking any food tonite (well, it's nice to eat food cooked by someone else once in a while).
We ate the food, watched the family guy episodes and laughed, It was nice to laugh cause I have been crying and traumatized by the whole experience of seeking professional help visiting clinics and hospitals 5 times since Sunday and seeing my condition getting worst.
I washed my face with mild warm water and left me such dry and burning sensations again (whenever I do something on my face, it swells up, as if I touched burnt and very fragile bruise), so I concluded that I need to apply something on my face although the doctor said not to put anything on. Cause if I left it like that, it was difficult to keep my eyes open or even to speak (cuts hurt).
So my roommate and i went to a nearest drug store, and asked the pharmacist for aloe. Her facial reaction showed how horrified she was to see my changed face (I saw her the day before) and admitted that it's worst today ( :( ), and agreed that the aloe would work okay for my sensitive skin.
So I got that applied the aloe on my face, and now I feel slightly better. At least well enough emotionally and physically to update my blog. But I concluded never to give a birth to a child in this country (if I ever was to marry -of course-and have a family). Well, at least this is a great opportunity to find a good family doctor for me, I think.
I just pray to god that this will not leave permanent scar on my face.
At least it has been a good lesson not to trust anyone that claims to be professional and seek second advise or do some online search before following suggestions maybe helpful in future...
I also feel that this incidence practiced my sense to perceive and judge people from my internal eyes. Meaning that this has helped me not judge others based on the surface, but from the acts that they share with me. Since the past week, I feel that I am able to feel the different degree of people's warmth, and the color of internal well-being that they share with me. I guess it is my intuition that is helping me value little things (encounter with new people, few words that are exchanged, kindness, compassion, consideration and support etc) that make our life much valuable and beautiful. :)
I feel very blessed to have all the people who have been supporting me in my medical crisis and hope that I will not forget to gain, maintain and share all these qualities that these people share with me from my end too. :)
Thankful but in prayers.
Kumi
From this evening, my eyes started to irritate me my tears running down non-stop for some reasons. I thought that it was just because of the cold weather.
When I woke up on Sunday, my face was extremely dry and my acene broke out badly (out of control), so it really was a time to see a doctor. But what kind of doctor would operate/see patients on Sunday? Well, I thought it is better to see someone than not, so I went to this only clinic in town that was open on Sunday.
The doctor said that it was just a typical acne problem. He gave me some antibiotics and gel to apply on my acne. He suggested that I do take the medicine and apply the gel before going to bed. I did that at 9pm and went to bed by 10pm. I also showed the facial cleanser that I have been using to wash my face. He said it is okay to continue using, so I did so as suggested.
When I woke up on Monday, my skin was super dry, irritated and yet swollen that I could not even recognize my face. I got so scared so I went to see this walk in clinic doctor that I have seen before (in my neighborhood). He suggested that I get off the gel that was prescribed to me, and get any cleanser and lotion that a drug store pharmacist can recommend. So I got what she recommended and apply on my skin.
But towards the end of the nite, entire skin of my face became extremely frakey and peeling, leaving very sensitive red skin underneath causing burning and tingle sensations on my skin. The skin around my face and eye were so red and cut. It was just so painful that I thought I need to do something before this experience leaves me permanent scar physically and emotionally.
So I went to the emergency of the Toronto General Hospital.
I registered myself in at 11:45pm. The last person before me was seen by the doctor at 2:35am. I waited and waited. A nurse who passed by asked me if I already saw a doctor. I said "nobody has come and call my name yet". The clock pointed 4:00am. All these tired/sleepy staff completey forgot about my existence. The doctor looked as if he felt guilty when he took me to the patient's room. At least it let him sit down and consulted what's wrong with me this time, I guess it is better, I thought.
He basically concluded that the facial cleanser that the doctor said it's okay for me to continue using had either a bad allergic reaction on me or caused bad chemical reaction with the gel that he prescribed me, burning my entire skin as if I got a really bad sun burn or got caught in fire.
Either way, my skin is now burnt and peeling entirly.
He suggested not to use any cleanser with chemical in it and let the time heal. He also said that maybe I am allergic to certain foods too. He said that if I want to see him again to take some food allergy testing, I should make an appointment with him on Wednesday or Friday privately at the clinic that he works on those days.
I came home and slept.
On Tuesday I woke up and was horrified to see my face, because entire skin on my face were peeling leaving red big marks/spots all over it. The swelling of my eye and left cheek have not got any better. Not knowing where and how to get the professional advise that I needed, I had to cry to let my frustration out of me. *NOBODY IS HELPING ME EVEN I NEED IMMEDIATE ATTENTION*.
I called my co-worker asking her for her suggestion. She suggested that I return to the first doctor who gave me the medicine that burnt my skin to get the appointment with a dermatologist. So I did. He said "it's worst huh?" "Has anyone recommended acutane to you before??" I was like, why can't you get it, I need to do something for my allergic reaction on my face to heal first before leaving permanent scar on my face. I am not interested in taking any more antibiotics or gels on my acne than I have already taken!
So I told him that "it's obvious that I am allergic to certain chemicals or the combination of your prescribed medicine and recommended cleanser caused a bad chemical reaction burning my face like this, so I am not interested in getting more medicine or listening to an advise from a non-specialist. I demand you refer me to a darmatologist immediately before this leaves me permanent scar on my face and making this whole experience traumatic".
He requested his secretary to try making an appointment from two doctors. One of them with which they could not get a hold of. The secretary suggested I go to the clinic (because they are open until 5pm) physically right away. So I got on a cab and went. The clinic was closed by 3:30pm. I called back the walk-in clinic, and she told me that she would make an appointment for me tomorrow morning.
I came home feeling how unprofessional these people all are, decided to do some search on the internet about this dermatologist that they tried to make an appointment for me. It turns out that she is not even a dermatologist, but specialised in internal organs etc. I was like,,, Why do I need to waste my time seeing someone who can not help me, when my need is quite serious and emergent??
I was so frustrated. I called my friend and he suggested that I go and seek some help from the women's college hospital in down town. The nurse was very supportive, emotionally caring and such a sweet heart.
The doctor there told me that because I have seen quite a few doctors already and condition is not getting any better, and since he is not specialized in dermatology, he is hesitated to give me any suggestion what to apply on my dry/frakey/cut skin. His best suggestion is not to put anything on. I asked him if he could refer me to a dermatologist. He said that because he is not my family doctor, he can not refer me to any. I must return to the doctor who burnt my skin to see a specialist. I thought it just did not make any sense to me.
I will not return to the doctor who burnt my face anymore-period.
So I went to the nurse who helped me, explained my situation and asked her if she could recommend me to any helpful doctor that may be able to refer me to a dermatologist asap.
She recommended her own family doctor and said that hopefully that will help me get a dermatologist right away. It was very sweet of her.
I came back home with detoxifying juice (36 oz) to detoxify all the chemicals that must be in my system. I also got some chinese food take out for my roommate, cause I wasn't cooking any food tonite (well, it's nice to eat food cooked by someone else once in a while).
We ate the food, watched the family guy episodes and laughed, It was nice to laugh cause I have been crying and traumatized by the whole experience of seeking professional help visiting clinics and hospitals 5 times since Sunday and seeing my condition getting worst.
I washed my face with mild warm water and left me such dry and burning sensations again (whenever I do something on my face, it swells up, as if I touched burnt and very fragile bruise), so I concluded that I need to apply something on my face although the doctor said not to put anything on. Cause if I left it like that, it was difficult to keep my eyes open or even to speak (cuts hurt).
So my roommate and i went to a nearest drug store, and asked the pharmacist for aloe. Her facial reaction showed how horrified she was to see my changed face (I saw her the day before) and admitted that it's worst today ( :( ), and agreed that the aloe would work okay for my sensitive skin.
So I got that applied the aloe on my face, and now I feel slightly better. At least well enough emotionally and physically to update my blog. But I concluded never to give a birth to a child in this country (if I ever was to marry -of course-and have a family). Well, at least this is a great opportunity to find a good family doctor for me, I think.
I just pray to god that this will not leave permanent scar on my face.
At least it has been a good lesson not to trust anyone that claims to be professional and seek second advise or do some online search before following suggestions maybe helpful in future...
I also feel that this incidence practiced my sense to perceive and judge people from my internal eyes. Meaning that this has helped me not judge others based on the surface, but from the acts that they share with me. Since the past week, I feel that I am able to feel the different degree of people's warmth, and the color of internal well-being that they share with me. I guess it is my intuition that is helping me value little things (encounter with new people, few words that are exchanged, kindness, compassion, consideration and support etc) that make our life much valuable and beautiful. :)
I feel very blessed to have all the people who have been supporting me in my medical crisis and hope that I will not forget to gain, maintain and share all these qualities that these people share with me from my end too. :)
Thankful but in prayers.
Kumi
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