Toronto deephouse music lovers unit!

On Friday nite, my friend, Nozomi and I went to see Dino & Terry at their residency at Beba lounge. I had a bit of stressful week, so it was just super nice to be out listening to good music and surrouding myself with cool and sweet people :)

The set of the nite by Dino & Terry was absolutely FANTASTIC.

There is something about them, and I will try my best to describe how I perceive/feel about them.
Not only they are talented producers/DJs and have great taste in music, they have this ability to welcome all the souls in the space and share their love for the music. Their internal energy is so warm and powerful and very healing too that you just feel it when listening and feeling their music live.

The nite's set was sooo great. From deep techno to deephouse and some classic tunes (disco), I really liked every single record that they played. It was so soulful, DEEP and nurturing to my soul. I had never been satisfied I thought.

Then Jonathon, Vito, Nozomi and I went out to the Chinese food afterwords. It was pretty good! :)

I want to thank Dino and Terry for such a wonderful music and fulfilling and nurturing me thru the way they played the music with their open heart and souls, Jonathon and Vito for being such amazing companions for the party, and Nozomi for always being there for me. :)

I finally feel as though I have a place to call home here in Toronto :)

Peace and in love and light,

Kumi

Endless thoughts after an unlucky day

I noticed that I had my monthly public transporation pass missing from my bag once I got to the subway station on my way back from work. I just got it recently and it did not make me feel lucky especially the card would give me much freedom in my life. Maybe I should have guarded my pass with more caution and not take it for granted, I thought. I made a mental note to check my desk once again tomorrow, although I highly doubt that I can find it....

I have been feeling quite a bit of stress lately.

I question myself why. I think that I am not pleased having people controlling me in my life (due to confidentiality and personal issue, I choose not to get into a detail).

Lately, I realized that one of the worst feelings that I dislike to experience was a feeling of violation and control over against my desire. I think I have been fighting off to gain my freedom. Freedom to express myself. Freedom to live in a way that truly reflects the person me, the freedom to share joy and happiness with those people around in my life, the freedom to run, the freedom to dance, the freedom to feel however I want to feel without feeling obligated to feel other way around..freedom to just LIVE MY LIFE with pure honesty and respect for myself.

This gaining the freedom has become such important factor choosing my actions lately, which is a bit of a change considering all I cared about in the past was to manifest my personal identity.

Anyway, I must admit that I can not tolerate it whenever I feel as though someone is trying to take authority to control me. I am not a slave, just pay some respect for my positive attitude and commitment to meet and exceed expectations with my effort to take some extra considerations to make your life easy, that's all I ask. That is the type of feeling I get.

"Without taking a risk, you can never explore the different side of the story that you maybe deserve to experience during your life time"....

I have been thinking of this quite a lot in the past few days (maybe since yesterday).

Sometime, I feel like just leaving everything aside in my life and go to NYC to really dedicate myself to learn something for my passion for dancing.

Sometime, I feel like I just want to go back to a college to learn more about colors, flower arrangement, cooking, massage therapy and all that I am interested in.

Sometime, I feel like I want to go to Tibet to become a monk.

Sometime, I feel like dropping all my desires for materialistic gain/career success and be happy for the simplicities of life that is given to me.

But to share the joy and love of life, I still face the reality that I need minimum amount of income to share my passion (cooking/making others happy by doing things that usually cost money), so I can not just leave my work. But I notice my need to exclude any materialistic goals that I may subconsciously have, because this can get quite unhealthy. But at the same time, I do admit that I want to be able to buy things to express my identity and feel comfortable with it (say fashion and make up and all that things that are required to take good care of myself as a young lady??!! lol). And to take good care of oneself can cost money too (good food, nutrients and supplements, nice body lotion and hand cream,...list goes on). So I feel that I can not escape from the need to have good finace in my life. But I wonder how wonderful it would be if I was super healthy to begin with that I would not need all the this and that to take good care of myself but be healthy naturally......

Does this mean that I am not so healthy because of stress/a lack of sleep/not enough time to make me pleased with my personal interests and missions that I ended up spending more money to compensate???!!!

Anyway, I would go on and on in a cycle thinking about all these. I really need to find a boarderline to maintain my personal happiness and good NATURAL health for sure, I think.

I was thinking all these and was so tired, but managed to go to the gym and had a good work out. I ran until the gym closing time, so I rushed myself to the bathing area to have a quick shower. I wasn't gonna go in forever so I did not put back my lock in my locker. When I came back, there was this lady who was sort of going into my things. I was like, erm, excuse me, but I was freaking naked, so I wasn't comfortable to talk to her all I had on me was a bath towel.

She took off immediately, so I put my clothes on and left the gym.

Then I realized that my new wallet was missing.
Instantly, the face of that lady came back to me for some reasons.
I got frustrated especially I had my public transportation pass went missing earlier in the evening too, so I called my friend to brag about this. Then I wanted to go back to the gym to make a report about this. And on my way back, I bumped into this same lady, so instantly, I bluntly asked her: "Have you seen my wallet?" She then goes: "what?" Me: "Have you seen my wallet??" She: "Why would I know where your wallet is? and why would I steal someone's wallet??"

In that moment, I knew it was her. I mean, I never accused her of *stealing my wallet* or mention the word *stealing or taking*. I just asked her about my wallet and she reacted by saying "stealing".

Her facial expression also told me that she knew what I was asking her about.

Anyway, I got so upset, went back to the gym, told the staff about what just happened, and then went back to the locker to see if I see an emptry wallet (as I hear from people that rubber usually just take the money and throw the wallet away) anywhere.

I could not find it. So I made a report about it, and walked home.

On the way home, I felt so upset and guilty, because I had most of my sentimental items in it: the ring that I received after my grandma passed away, in which I have been carrying as a guardian angel. This key holder that I got for my grandpa, when I first went to a field trip, which he carried it everywhere by attaching it on his bag. I got it back when he past away, because it made me feel as though my grandpa would always be with me, if I carried the key holder with me. Then a few rocks that I got after climbing to the top of Mt. Fuji to remind me of my achievement and sucess (plus, I believe in the mother nature of Mt. Fuji)....all sort of things I had in my wallet are now GONE.

Surprisingly, as I write about this, I am not that upset. I still feel that my grandpa and my grandma are with me, although those sentimental items are gone. I wonder if this happened as a way to test my attachment to materials or my way of valueing myself based on materials.... I wonder.

But I did not need to lose all that and my money, so I feel that wasn't fair.

However, it is not like someone broke my legs that I can not run/dance anymore, or I lost all my money and have no money to buy a new pass to work, or anything like that, so I feel blessed to yet have all that to keep my life convenient and happy.

I just have to sort out my needs to make me internally at peace and happy...

In search for my eternal bliss...goes on :)

Rolling Bomber Special

Rolling Bomber Special

Enjoy :)

Dammit-tttt!

It's still Tuesday, but I feel tired already (lol).
I fell into sleep and had a 1.5 hr nap before managing myself to wake up for a daily work out after coming back from work last nite (note: commuting on the local bus and ttc takes approx. 1 hr and 15 minutes one way), and I have not slept in till the gym closing time for a while that I did not think I would do such a thing today, and I did. Dammit! So I am here, partially awake, wanted to update my blog before going back to my sweet and warm bed early tonite so that I can wake up at 5am for a morning work out to start my day strong and energetic tomorrow...

Over the weekend, I went to the Solid Garage Classics party where the featured DJs, Dino and Terry rocked our world. They have kindly put some photos of my friend, Nozomi and me in their website, so here is the link for those curious souls: http://dinoandterry.typepad.com/photos/january_pics/index.html

Here are a few that I got from the site. I look quite happy below..hehehehe Music brings so much joy in my heart and soul! I can't help it!!!!! :)










































Hey, Ange. T-dot dance floor and crowd say *hello!!* Until you are there in Sweden, I will make sure the floor is occupied by my joyful ass-self ;) :)

I look forward for this coming Friday to catch Dino & Terry again!!!!!!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm-I am so appreciative for the T-dot deephouse music scene :)
Yay!

Solid Garage Classics Feat. Dino & Terry & GI

My my. I do not know where to begin, but I had such a blast at the Solid Garage Classics Feat. Dino & Terry & GI party at Gypsy Co-op last nite.

Thanks to Monique and Yogi, I had an opportunity to join this party, and I had such a fun time dancing with energetic and soulful dancers on the floor.

:)

I am so very thankful that I was there to experience this, because it means so much to me to connect with other passionate dancers and music lovers and be a part of our local deephouse music scene.

Dino & Terry rocked my world and I am still dreaming from the vibe that I experienced from last nite. :) It was also nice to finally exchanged a conversation with them and their crew, Vito and Jonathan. I look forward for the coming Friday catching them again...Nozomi-if you were reading this, you would need to come out with me again :) Also, I would like to extend my sincere appreciation (once again) to Monique and Yogi :) You guys rock!!!!

With much sincere appreciation and respect. :) In love and peace,

Kumi

experiential avoidance and emotional suffering

When I was at a drug store the other day, this topic on the cover of this particular magazine caught my attention: "Is fear limiting your life?"

I am not the one that invests money for magazines, but I had to purchase this magazine to read what was about it, as I have been aware of this personal truth that I live in the fear that to some degree lowers my optimism sometime.

The article mentioned about this lady who developed a fear of flying which led her to avoid not just flying but driving and the whole concept of leaving the house eventually. She became overly fearful about travelling and leaving the house after the 9/11 attack in NYC, and to help her deal with the trauma, she got dependent on the street drugs, and her consumption of the drugs was enough to kill a moose.

Anyway, the article explained to the reader how it is common for us to avoid anything to reduce our emotional suffering level to zero.

"What may be a common behavioural tendency in which I have subconsciously avoided certain situations to not face with the potential emotional suffering and threat?"

I had to clarify my personal experiential avoidance that reduces my potential emotional suffering.

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One of the major hurdles that I have still yet to pass is attending house dance workshops/lessons without feeling humiliated and embarrassed.

I love to dance for many reasons. I feel as though I can manifest what I am feeling when I freely move my body to the rhythm and vibration that I hear and feel. I also feel as though I am dancing with my internal organs, my soul, cerebrating my all senses that let me *feel* such wonderful art of life. And because of my passion to dance, I have once attended this house dance workshop by Brain *footwork* Green in NYC. Although it was for the beginner house dance lesson, all the participants knew what they were doing, and I felt humiliated. Also, when I went to the house dance conference, I became overly conscious of my dance and could not dance in a way I would do so, if I did not feel like the worst dancer on the floor.

I do notice my conscious and naive self not wanting to be the worst dancer on the floor, but from when did dancing become a competitive thing in my book??? Dancing was always my way to manifest whatever I was feeling and return the positive energy to the space as I listen to vibrant music. So why the heck do I care what other people think of my dance etc???

Those were the questions that I gained after my first visit to NYC in 2004. But dancing has become not only a way to manifest myself but to protest my rights to be free. It sounds as though I have turned into an aggressive human if I phrase my meaning/purpose for the dance, but I do not think I can say so in another way around.

I have experienced an incidence that made me feel as though another human being violated me completely. It took a lot of things away from me. My ability to trust my own judgment. My comfort level. My security. My strength. Instantly, I gained self doubt, haunted by fear and nightmares and I was no longer sure if I was permitted to express myself in a way I did to cerebrate my life.

But after sometime living in the dark maze seeking some answers but stuck in unanswered questions, I realized that I can not continue letting my personal experience to limit my opportunity and freedom.

So now I have more deep meanings for all these passions that I have. House music has become a tool to help me manifest my body and soul. I redefined the reason why I ran; Running has become a sport to help me maintain my confidence and strength. Dancing has become a medium to not only manifest myself but to cerebrate my life but to share the joy and blessing of life that is given to us with others, and often as a tool to protest my rights.

So I recognized that my past experience that once made me gain fear and suffering has let me redefine the meaning of certain activities that I was always passionate about. And what I am interested to know is whether I continue let my fear to be embarrassed or humiliated limit my freedom to explore.

I can not completely say that I do not worry about such a thing anymore. In fact, I still recognize my behaviour limiting my opportunities because of my fear. So I want to consciously keep this question within me to reduce experiential avoidance and shape me to continuously engage in activities that I become attracted to/interested in to explore much potential in my life.

to experience the true love is to be in love with the life/world

in the past 1 week or so, i come to unite with two individuals whom I used to exchange mental and philosophical thoughts, ideas and theories with.

one of them is alex, whom i had an online chat exchange the other day for over 3 hours.

during our conversation, we covered some really interesting points and one of them is about true love.

he gave me his theory that to experience the true love, one needs to be in love with the life/world.

i shared my personal experience and fully agreed and supported the theory. Why? Well, no matter how compassionate and loving a person can be, as long as s/he does not have the ability to face and acccept the reality and in love with the world no matter how ugly pictures s/he maybe seeing in the given moment of time, s/he can not experience the true love.

I personally think that the love you give to the world will come back to you in an ultimate and unconditional sense. Meaning that more you give to the world, more you receive. More truthful and genuine love you give, more pure and unconditional love you receive. So unless one has not developed the ability to accept and be in love with this life, the world will not return you the true love one deserves...

I am truly thankful for Alex for sharing his view, because it fully supported something that I have been wondering and thinking about for a while.

I personally have another topic that I want to cover, but I will do so after eating my hot and sour thai noodle soup (my breakfast yes!) :)

Till then, all you have a blessing day. and a happy great new year to you all :)

In love and light, Kumi