self reflection

sometime, i want to stay in my room and just cry.
i have not updated my blog and website for so long.
it is partially because i dedicate most of my time for my work responsibility.
but also because i choose not to reflect my personal thoughts in my web space.

in the beginning of this year, i felt as if someone violated my true emotions that I share on my website. because of that, i shut down my site for a few days, but realized that i should not let someone stop me from being me.

today, somehow my true emotions are acknowledged and accepted by me. no more control over my own feelings.

I guess it is the hurtful feelings that stop me from feeling in a way I truthfully feel. Because I do not want to have negative emotions within me. So my automatic response is to shut them off.
But I guess it does not help me from healing at all.

All of us live with any sort of negative feelings: sadness, anger, upset, irritation, frustration etc.
But I guess as long as one continues to shut such energy off, instead of questioning the origin of such energy, the energy will haunt you back again at a later time, and would become a bigger issue.

But ignorance does not help me from dealing with my own personal truth.

Today, I want to make a commitment to deal with my own negativity by acknowledging and accepting it and questioning the origin of such energy and finding out a way to turn it into positive in my life.

I am glad of my realization tonite. I think I will make some serious notes in the upcoming entries which is a little different from my optimistic and silly past entries, but I really need to reflect on my self right now.

Thank you for the strengh and love. I am blessed with my life. Peace, Kumi