Thoughts after thoughts the conclusion that I reached during today's given time

Last nite after giving foot massages to my mom and grandma, I found myself feeling refreshed inspite of a long busy day. But to think of it, I always gained a sense of relaxation and comfort whenever I gave massages to others in my past. I give massages to people with my wish to provide and stimulate good flow of energy within the person.. But without my expectation, I somehow end up feeling better. So this sort of personal experience explains the power of human touch and exchanging energy through us, human beings, I thought. I also remembered how this conceptis supported scientifically.

According to a study that I read in a book called "Faith", the AIDS patients who, without their knowledge, were prayed for had significantly fewer new AIDS-related diseases, less severe illness, fewer doctor visits, and fewer shorter hospitalizations than patientsin the control group who were not prayed for by those in the study.

I acknowledged how the power of human intention links our actions to a vast web ofinterconnection, yet to be reminded how everything that happens in our life (destiny) is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakably tender hand, placed beside another thread, and held and carried by hundred others (from Rilke's "letters to a young poet").

Thinking back the stages of life that I lived in the past, I experienced a similar phase as what I am going through right now almost 5 years ago: that was when I decided to take a control over my life independently and made a personal commitment to learn more about life from my own personal experience. At that time, I had gained a great motivation and interest to study human psychology and asian philosophy in a deep level, and read some related books until sun rise like a fool. Although a great friend reminded me how accepting concepts mindlessly could lead us
to lose vigor in our relationship to them, I feel I was able to question the concepts by applying on my own life and gain the teachings that could stay as my personal truth within me.

As a number of years passed by becoming more comfortable with my personal interests, I gained a great desire to expand human network around the globe to share the beauty of human manifestation through the work of art and music to cerebrate the urban culture that we have in our society.
But it seems as though I got too caught up with this desire that I became blind losing the importance of keeping in touch with the fundamental thoughts of Buddha, and my understanding of them thinned out subconsciously. All focused on the progress and the direction of the process that I involved myself in (measuring my progress only by the surface of things), I found myself often hurting, because the reality did not always turn in a way I wanted to.

Now that I have returned to this phase again being helped by the teachings of Buddha, I felt that I do not want to take these teachings for granted and value my life based on the results that I aim for.

Additionally,I also felt that myself getting down whenever a concern of my future career struck in my mind is such a dainty thing to do, cause there are many people in this world that can not even think about future, but struggling to live the present without given the basic living needs. As I thought of tsunami victim kids, who may be suffering from the PTSD, my personal issues appear to be so very little. I started wonder what sort of buddhist approach is actually used right now to help tsunami victims that suffer with the PTSD. I gained a desire to be there for those kids to have some hope and faith for their future.

...Then an old offer to teach Japanese in India when I was working for a university came back to my mind. I also wondered how I maybe able to help people through the power of human touch.

Although I feel I am not qualified to sacrifice my own life to help those in needs in the world (to speak without experiencing the life that those people live seems like a selfish thing to do), I have started to seriously think of an idea to visit India to contribute myself to help those in needs and to gain the wisdom of Buddha.

Yesterday, I felt it would be very sad to die without a relative (thinking of Nigo-san), but such thought, at the end of the day today, appear to be a sign of me getting too caught up by the idealism that our society gives us (family is a good structure to obtain). I am currently feeling
that an idea of leaving this world without a relative won't be too bad, as long as one lives life with a conpassionate heart and give goodness to the world during the life time and able to leave this
place with a sense of fulfillment and self-satisfaction.

I was almost going to forget this..I keep wanting to talk about this mix that I recently downloaded from the deephousepage.

Well, it is a mix by Mike Johnson, and I have one word to say: Sweet!
There were at least 5 songs that I love in this mix, and it is always great to hear some songs that I love but do not own in any of my existing mixes.

Some of my favorites: (from 4'30": "Golden"by Jill Scott; an instrumental song from 20': god, I can not get enough of deep house. This track is soo hot. I have a feeling that the title of this maybe called "freedom", but if any of you know the actual title, please email me :) I like the afro-percussion sound. I also was happy to hear a song by Fertile Ground from 25"). I like how this mix has got some funky tech house beats. Sweet. hmm Shake the bootie. yay. Where is my dance crew when I need to go dancing.. shrug. but when I think of it, I remember how I plan on going to yellow with my friends to check out Idjust Boys and moodman. Any of you own their production by any chance? let me know what you think. Thanks!!