Life after Death

The nearest clock said it was approaching 2am, when I started feeling sleepy. That was when our phone rung unexpectedly. I heard the noise of my parents awaken above me from their bedroom that I knew something was up. My dad came to the living room where I was doing some work on the computer, and said: "Se-chan occhan no (uncle Sei's ) nigo-san (lover) is at her critical point of her life. We must get to the hospital where she is right now". Then my mom and my grandma came down to the living room looking all shocked and they told me to sleep in my parents's bedroom so that I can take care of incoming calls while they are away. Se-chan is my grandma's older brother that this nigo-san is technically her older sister in practice (wasn't sure which word to use..but hope you get the idea). Not sure what sort of family background this nigo-san comes from, but since Se-chan is already a person above the cloud (japanese expression of pointing out deceased people), she literally had no relatives around locally that this gentleman whom nigo-san took great care of while he was growing up contacted us to let us know of her sudden change in her medical condition.

I did not know how exactly I felt. I felt strange. But I knew that I had to go and sleep anyway, so I went to my parents's bedroom and tried to sleep..but I could not.

Then I heard a car engine running towards the entrance of my house that I assumed that my dad came home. He came where I was resting and said: "She could not make it. The doctors continued giving her the heart massage for over 30 minutes, but she could not make it. So I need to change to a larger car and head back to the hospital and bring her back to her home". Through my eyes with no contact lenses, I could not clearly see my dad's facial expression, but I could tell that his eyes were watery with tears. I asked my dad what we were going to do next, and he said that the nigo-san actually had a daughter living in Tokyo, but none of us know how to reach her, so we will see how to take care of this situation. I felt such immense sadness learning that this nigo-san had no relatives around to come and see her last moments of her life.

I had a trouble falling into sleep after imagining what it is like to leave this world without having the chance to exchange words with the closed ones. I felt so very sad for her. The bright and beautiful smiles that she used to give me upon visiting her house when I was 8 years of age came back to me. ...

I was then woken up by my grandma who apparently came back at 3am with my dad early in the morning telling me that she had to leave the house to take care of her errands. I came down to the living room to hear from her that they were able to reach the daughter of nigo-san, but she apparently told my parents that she would come here in 2 days initially. She must have some responsibilities that she needs to take care of, but how sad story would it be, when your only relative was not able to come and see you at your death bed... God, I felt so sorry for nigo-san, but was glad that she at least had us (my parents and the gentleman who called us of the news) in a situation like this.

I then called my mom and asked her whether everything was going okay. She seemed to be doing fine, but I felt sorry for her lack of sleep. She and my dad should get some sleep, but in a situation like this, it is difficult to take care of your personal needs, I thought. Plus, if my parents decided to fulfill their personal needs (sorry for my comparison, but like the daughter of nigo-san) before what needs to be taken care of, we are to gain more sadness towards nigo-san's death, so I guess it is shoganai (no other way out?!)...

But I had to think about what it is like to die just like that. What kind of message do we need to gain from seeing a person leaving this world without her relatives around? Is this sense of loneliness be taken away from nigo-san (and from us) eventually?? Even when we go through different kind of emotions when we die, do they eventually get nurtured somehow and can we obtain a sense of peace after we die? I have a shinto belief that people's emotions stay in this world even when they are medically passed away. Like I can not get rid of this image where people's emotions wonder around in the space like a force of energy even after the person's heart stop beating. The person's spirit and emotions stay together and move away from the physical body and start its after life journey visiting places that they have memories with and eventually travelling forward to wherever they need to be... I guess this sort of belief is highly influenced by the childhood stories that I heard from my grandma (shinto-believer). And I think that people's spirit needs to attain buddhahood to successfully go through the journey after life. But even how unpeacefully people welcome their last moment of their lives, are they able to obtain a sense of peace somehow as long as they generally were able to obtain such sense of mental state while they were alive? How does people's emotions work after the death? Are they acknowledged or felt by those who are still alive like a force of energy? Do we get bad feelings or goose bumps intuitively when we are placed in an environment where dead's negative emotions remain unable to attain buddhahood? A lot of questions went through in my mind. I do not know if you English speakers understand what I am saying here due to different background in our perceptions towards life after people's death. But what is your thought? I will be more than happy to hear you people's thoughts on this topic. Thank you. I hope nigo-san is at her peaceful state of mind and able to start her life after death journey peacefully... Kumi