When people die in Japan, we have Otsuya (wake) where people gather to see the deceased person's physical body for the last chance on the nite before cremation, and the actual Oso-shiki (funeral) after cremation on the following day. As I noted in my yesterday's entry, a lover (Nigo-san) of my grandma's brother past away yesterday that we were technically supposed to have Otsuya tonite... but we had a complex situation where nigo-san literally had no relatives locally to take care of this business legally. Although her own daughter was convinced and came here for the funeral from tokyo, since she did not want to bother following the traditional ceremony, nigo-san's body was cremented (without having otsuya) and we had a funeral and "after funeral gathering" today.
Although it is not the most happiest way to meet familiar faces, I was very happy that people gathered for her funeral today.
Not trying to get back to what I talked about yesterday, but I wondered what sort of emotions that nigo-san may have had while passing away. The fact how she did not get to communicate with her daughter for many years struck in my mind. Although it was her decision to get together with my uncle, did she regret how she could not maintain a sense of harmony and peace in her relationship to her own daughter? This idea of having a regret as one of the emotions to experience when passing away made me think of the importance of forgiveness and accepting others.
I know that we can only make us happy, and it is impossible to try making all the people that we care to be happy (from the nigo-san's point of view). But can we at least try to have a liberated heart and forgive and accept others fully before we face our last moment of our life?
Only if the daughter accepted nigo-san, wished for her happiness and forgave what she had done (choosing a lover after divorce), they might have being able to share a moment of peace and harmony while nigo-san was alive. I mean, would it be worth while to keep holding onto a hatre after a person's death? I personally think that there is nothing ugly than continue hating a person even after a person's death.... Or do we all have an ultimate magic in us that allows us to forgive someone we long hated once the person dies?? Do people deserve to be hated if the person commited such sin during their life time? Am I a fool to think that our ultimate is to obtain a sense of peace while we are all alive? I endlessly procrastinated some thoughts after thoughts.
Speaking from my personal experience, I must admit that there is a couple people that I have trouble forgiving and accepting what they have done to me. But I feel that I can never obtain a liberated state as long as I am unable to accept them for who they are, regardless of good or bad they maybe. hmmm, no I do not necessary want to forgive them, just because I want to get liberated spiritually, but I want to obtain an ability to accept everything that happens in our life before I die, so I recognize more reasons to accept the internal existence of my life. ...
Back to the story of nigo-san though, while taking bath, I felt sorry for her, because her bones will be separate from her lover. (In Japan, we usually put the bones under the same gravestone based on the family background. For example, if I do not marry and keep my last name for the rest of my life, I will share the gravestone with my grandma, my younger brother and other ancestors of my Yajima family root). But when I told this to my grandma, we laughed and said that hopefully they get to continue their lover-relationship even at after life world in the heaven. Since they had a difficult time while they were alive having not many people accepting their thoughts for each other, I want to dedicate my today's entry for nigo-san and my uncle, wishing that they will get to stay together and happy in the heaven....
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