In the past few days, I have spent my days relatively peaceful and with my appreciation
for the life that is given to me.
I have been listening to an album by Lisa Gerrard (which was mailed to me from a very good
friend of mine), when I take bath after working out at the gym. I have never imagined how healing and spiritually nurturing it is for me to listen to Lisa Gerrard's voice while taking a bath. It definitely enhances the purpose of taking bath both physically and spiritually (cleansing and healing), so I have been addicted to my precious time at the bath tub everyday now. I feel that this ritual has been helping me keep such positive state of mind and peace that I do not know how to appreciate my friend for such great gift. Thank you very much!!
Because of my nature, I had been living my life relatively at fast speed like this, always chasing after some goals for the past few years. As a long distance runner, I love things with speed, rapid progression and development. Consequently, I had subconsciously gained this belief that the time was my enemy, I needed to engage in all necessary activities at alltimes for my personal progression...
In a way, this acknowledgement of having productive/busy schedule gave me a sense of comfort, like "I am taking actions for myself, so I would be okay". Looking back, I feel that the sense I was feeling was not really a comfort, but a fixed hope that I held onto, assuring myself that my ultimate life would be within my reach, as long as I continued taking actions spontaneously like a marathon runner. And although I thought that I was a strong individual chasing after my dreams, having this fixed hope, in fact, gave me a sense of false security, and was my sign of weakness/fear, unable to live my lifewithout clear directions (especially towards my future).
In the past few days, I realized that I am able to gain important life realizations and progress as a person, no matter what kind of life style I maybe having, either busy or relaxed, or having a clear mission in my life,as long as I have an open mind and heart.
After leaving Canada last December, I have been having relatively relaxed and less stressful life, prioritizing my time for personal reflection, questioning what it is like to be *me* and how I want to live my life as a person and in my career. I have mentioned in the previous entry how a life changing experience erased all the confidence and assurance that I had not so long ago. Up until this experience, I have lived my life with a fixed vision clearly picturing how I wanted to live my life, especially in my career. The life seemed not so easy at times, but I did not give up, and I continued taking actions to turn my dream come true. I wanted to work in an entertainment marketing business as an International business development rep assisting other people's dreams and vision come true. The dream appeared to be near my reach.
But I encountered this experience, which made me question whether I truly wanted to work in the industry that I was very much attracted to, once again. The reasons, once so clear, as to why I was attracted to such industry all of a sudden evaporated into air. Why?????? I no longer knew why. I lost trust in others that I respected, as well, I had lost trust in me. ...
So I have been going through this journey of self reflection and re-evaluation of life engaging in activities that provide a sense of comfort, learning how to trust myself, and trying to gain the strength and confidencethat I need to live my life strongly with my feet down on the ground.
And I had a realization today that living a slow speed life isn't too bad, as I get to capture all the pictures (lessons of life) that I did not get to see when I was running at full speed. In a way, I feel that living life with relaxed mind allows one to accept different perspectives on life. I have realized how much I enjoy learning the effect of different color coordination patterns (different mood/emphasis), how much I love listening to my heart beat and how listening to it allows me to keep such calm state of mind, how much I love creating art in our everyday life especially on a ceramic canvas (plate!), and how much I feel blessed to have all that I have in my life: friends that I can reach out to, friends that are there for me, friends to share life with, friends to cherish and make memories with, friends to explore all the fun activities that our life provide us, friends to go dancing and dance with, friends to care and support each other, friends to love and loved, the family to depend on at times, the family to share laughter at stupid jokes, the family to share tasty food with, the family to appreciate beauty of art with, the family to cerebrate each other's achievement, the family to share secret confessions of our lifetime, the family to care and love, to be given peaceful sleep, tasty food, great water to drink, the shelter to feel safe at, blue sky and bright sun up in the sky to see when I do my yoga in the morning,
great health of my loved ones and myself...I have an endless gifts that I am thankful for, and I feel very blessed for having my life, and I feel that I can turn all my appreciation for life into my personal strength and shape my personal identity and cultivate the ultimate path to my bright future. Thank you! and thank you for reading. :)
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