Personal Commitment to MYSELF

Yesterday Japan time on Feb 14th was my mama's b-day.
I called her after I came home from work out and cooked nice lunch for the next day, and had a good conversation with her. I love it how she loves to talk and we have our *girl's talk* talking about how silly my dad is etc..*giggle* hehe

Well, I was very happy to know that she is in great spirits, indeed.

Speaking of b-day, Feb 10th was my younger sister, Kano's b-day. Sounds like she is going thru a bit of difficult time. She is a very talented, inspiring and motivated young girl that has a spirit of a samurai warrior. All the boys that she dated are rather chasing after her, cause she takes the lead. Yes, you go, girl. I admire you. LOL Well, back to the topic, I really hope that she will not let outside factors put her down too much, but continue seeking what she KNOWS she deserves. But I also want her to know that the experience is everything. It is an ultimate learning lesson that allows us to grow. So I hope that she will keep her positive attitude and engaging in creative activities to fulfill her passion and needs. :)

As for me, you know, I have had two weeks where I encountered some bad luck.
My dad and my roommate, and my mentor (you inspire me) have keep dropping this line to me: "keep your focus".

That's right.

I have been having such unclear focus, because I have been struggling really hard to maintain personal peace and joy within.

Since I started running (instead of using the stair masters at the gym) about hmm 2 months ago, I started remembering all sort of achievements that I gained as a runner in the past over 2 decades of my life (wow, this means I have been running over 20 years! cool).

I got my first shoe raced running shoes and running suits and all sort of things by coming to the top 3 in the fall marathon competion since I was 6.

I set the record for the junior highschool marathon competition that still stands to this date under my name.

It was running that almost let me go to this famo highschool for long distance running, because my physical education teacher saw much potential within me in running.

Even I left Japan, although I initially placed top 6 of a junior versity team in track and field at Maria Highschool in Huntington Beach, Cali, by the end of the season, I was the leading runner guranteed to be in the varsity team, setting records at some races.

It also was running that allowed me to make local English speaking friends, in spite of my shy attitude not wanting to talk for myself. LOL

Then after I moved to West Vancouver, in BC, I kept running and I was recruited by a national track coach to be in the running team that he coached, and in the last year of my highschool, I was the top 2 in BC for 3000m throughout the season, although I could not win the race due to injuries at the final.

...here and there, I always did quite well in running, because, well, I was VERY FOCUSED, and running was my everything. I knew what I wanted (run well and fast), so I monitored everything that I did in my life: diet, water intake, sleep, amount of rest, nutrients etc...

So even something bothered me in my personal life, I tried not to get it affect my running.

And I guess because of that, I was quite successful with my mission.

Now, since two Novembers ago, from an incidence that led me to gain PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), my main interest has been learning how to live again, re-gain all the strength and confidence that I had lost, and just to live life with pure joy and happiness.

Although sometime once in a while without my expectation, I get my down time that puts me in a dark tunnel, I think I have finally gained my mental strength, spiritual balance, immense joy and love for my own life and others that I care, appreciation for everything that is given to me, and be comfortable being who I am and cultivating my personal interests here and there.

But like I have noted this in my Jan 29th entry, there is a part of me deep inside that has been holding me to depart from the defensive mode to *explore the world*, because of the fear.

In the past few days, I have been thinking, how pity it is for a human being to spend so much of her time thinking and evaluating one's human progress and life as a whole, but not doing something about it.

I understand that I have my today, because of all the thinking and wondering that I have done in the past while. It indeed led me to learn more about myself for sure.

But you know, 3 days prior to my 28th b-day on Feb 17th today, I want to tell myself that it is my time to get back to the *exploring mode*, the adventurous and warrior like spirit that I once used to be.

For the upcoming year of my life, I will not let negative emotions or other people's criticism/negative energy affect me to the degree that I would get indulged in it.

I for god's sake, have no time for such a thing, cause I must keep running, before someone coming to get me.

But truthfully, it is not a battle against others.
It is a personal cerebration and respect for my own creativity, passion and love for my own life, and my way to cherish all the blessings that are given to me, because of the all the people who care and love me too.

So here we go, I am preparing to stand on the start line now.
Just like my last race I participated over 8-9 years ago, my heart is starting to beat fast, getting some butterfries in my tummy, but I will let the adolenarine take me to the potential that I have in my life, like a free bird that flies freely and high up in the sky.

:)

I am very thankful for my progress in my PTSD (feel I do not even have one anymore.. hehe) and thankful for all you people who care and support me unconditionally.

Because of I am thankful and I care, I hope I will be a great inspiration to you, this year.

Sincerely....thank you for reading my people. I love you very much. With lots of love, Kumi