experiential avoidance and emotional suffering

When I was at a drug store the other day, this topic on the cover of this particular magazine caught my attention: "Is fear limiting your life?"

I am not the one that invests money for magazines, but I had to purchase this magazine to read what was about it, as I have been aware of this personal truth that I live in the fear that to some degree lowers my optimism sometime.

The article mentioned about this lady who developed a fear of flying which led her to avoid not just flying but driving and the whole concept of leaving the house eventually. She became overly fearful about travelling and leaving the house after the 9/11 attack in NYC, and to help her deal with the trauma, she got dependent on the street drugs, and her consumption of the drugs was enough to kill a moose.

Anyway, the article explained to the reader how it is common for us to avoid anything to reduce our emotional suffering level to zero.

"What may be a common behavioural tendency in which I have subconsciously avoided certain situations to not face with the potential emotional suffering and threat?"

I had to clarify my personal experiential avoidance that reduces my potential emotional suffering.

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One of the major hurdles that I have still yet to pass is attending house dance workshops/lessons without feeling humiliated and embarrassed.

I love to dance for many reasons. I feel as though I can manifest what I am feeling when I freely move my body to the rhythm and vibration that I hear and feel. I also feel as though I am dancing with my internal organs, my soul, cerebrating my all senses that let me *feel* such wonderful art of life. And because of my passion to dance, I have once attended this house dance workshop by Brain *footwork* Green in NYC. Although it was for the beginner house dance lesson, all the participants knew what they were doing, and I felt humiliated. Also, when I went to the house dance conference, I became overly conscious of my dance and could not dance in a way I would do so, if I did not feel like the worst dancer on the floor.

I do notice my conscious and naive self not wanting to be the worst dancer on the floor, but from when did dancing become a competitive thing in my book??? Dancing was always my way to manifest whatever I was feeling and return the positive energy to the space as I listen to vibrant music. So why the heck do I care what other people think of my dance etc???

Those were the questions that I gained after my first visit to NYC in 2004. But dancing has become not only a way to manifest myself but to protest my rights to be free. It sounds as though I have turned into an aggressive human if I phrase my meaning/purpose for the dance, but I do not think I can say so in another way around.

I have experienced an incidence that made me feel as though another human being violated me completely. It took a lot of things away from me. My ability to trust my own judgment. My comfort level. My security. My strength. Instantly, I gained self doubt, haunted by fear and nightmares and I was no longer sure if I was permitted to express myself in a way I did to cerebrate my life.

But after sometime living in the dark maze seeking some answers but stuck in unanswered questions, I realized that I can not continue letting my personal experience to limit my opportunity and freedom.

So now I have more deep meanings for all these passions that I have. House music has become a tool to help me manifest my body and soul. I redefined the reason why I ran; Running has become a sport to help me maintain my confidence and strength. Dancing has become a medium to not only manifest myself but to cerebrate my life but to share the joy and blessing of life that is given to us with others, and often as a tool to protest my rights.

So I recognized that my past experience that once made me gain fear and suffering has let me redefine the meaning of certain activities that I was always passionate about. And what I am interested to know is whether I continue let my fear to be embarrassed or humiliated limit my freedom to explore.

I can not completely say that I do not worry about such a thing anymore. In fact, I still recognize my behaviour limiting my opportunities because of my fear. So I want to consciously keep this question within me to reduce experiential avoidance and shape me to continuously engage in activities that I become attracted to/interested in to explore much potential in my life.