Nightmare-Can't trust anybody

On Saturday nite, we went to check out and to support the Garage 416 featuring Spiritual Music Record party where Kamati Pinkston played some soulful and funky music. I had such a blast dancing, and had a great time :)

From this evening, my eyes started to irritate me my tears running down non-stop for some reasons. I thought that it was just because of the cold weather.

When I woke up on Sunday, my face was extremely dry and my acene broke out badly (out of control), so it really was a time to see a doctor. But what kind of doctor would operate/see patients on Sunday? Well, I thought it is better to see someone than not, so I went to this only clinic in town that was open on Sunday.

The doctor said that it was just a typical acne problem. He gave me some antibiotics and gel to apply on my acne. He suggested that I do take the medicine and apply the gel before going to bed. I did that at 9pm and went to bed by 10pm. I also showed the facial cleanser that I have been using to wash my face. He said it is okay to continue using, so I did so as suggested.

When I woke up on Monday, my skin was super dry, irritated and yet swollen that I could not even recognize my face. I got so scared so I went to see this walk in clinic doctor that I have seen before (in my neighborhood). He suggested that I get off the gel that was prescribed to me, and get any cleanser and lotion that a drug store pharmacist can recommend. So I got what she recommended and apply on my skin.

But towards the end of the nite, entire skin of my face became extremely frakey and peeling, leaving very sensitive red skin underneath causing burning and tingle sensations on my skin. The skin around my face and eye were so red and cut. It was just so painful that I thought I need to do something before this experience leaves me permanent scar physically and emotionally.

So I went to the emergency of the Toronto General Hospital.
I registered myself in at 11:45pm. The last person before me was seen by the doctor at 2:35am. I waited and waited. A nurse who passed by asked me if I already saw a doctor. I said "nobody has come and call my name yet". The clock pointed 4:00am. All these tired/sleepy staff completey forgot about my existence. The doctor looked as if he felt guilty when he took me to the patient's room. At least it let him sit down and consulted what's wrong with me this time, I guess it is better, I thought.

He basically concluded that the facial cleanser that the doctor said it's okay for me to continue using had either a bad allergic reaction on me or caused bad chemical reaction with the gel that he prescribed me, burning my entire skin as if I got a really bad sun burn or got caught in fire.

Either way, my skin is now burnt and peeling entirly.

He suggested not to use any cleanser with chemical in it and let the time heal. He also said that maybe I am allergic to certain foods too. He said that if I want to see him again to take some food allergy testing, I should make an appointment with him on Wednesday or Friday privately at the clinic that he works on those days.

I came home and slept.

On Tuesday I woke up and was horrified to see my face, because entire skin on my face were peeling leaving red big marks/spots all over it. The swelling of my eye and left cheek have not got any better. Not knowing where and how to get the professional advise that I needed, I had to cry to let my frustration out of me. *NOBODY IS HELPING ME EVEN I NEED IMMEDIATE ATTENTION*.

I called my co-worker asking her for her suggestion. She suggested that I return to the first doctor who gave me the medicine that burnt my skin to get the appointment with a dermatologist. So I did. He said "it's worst huh?" "Has anyone recommended acutane to you before??" I was like, why can't you get it, I need to do something for my allergic reaction on my face to heal first before leaving permanent scar on my face. I am not interested in taking any more antibiotics or gels on my acne than I have already taken!

So I told him that "it's obvious that I am allergic to certain chemicals or the combination of your prescribed medicine and recommended cleanser caused a bad chemical reaction burning my face like this, so I am not interested in getting more medicine or listening to an advise from a non-specialist. I demand you refer me to a darmatologist immediately before this leaves me permanent scar on my face and making this whole experience traumatic".

He requested his secretary to try making an appointment from two doctors. One of them with which they could not get a hold of. The secretary suggested I go to the clinic (because they are open until 5pm) physically right away. So I got on a cab and went. The clinic was closed by 3:30pm. I called back the walk-in clinic, and she told me that she would make an appointment for me tomorrow morning.

I came home feeling how unprofessional these people all are, decided to do some search on the internet about this dermatologist that they tried to make an appointment for me. It turns out that she is not even a dermatologist, but specialised in internal organs etc. I was like,,, Why do I need to waste my time seeing someone who can not help me, when my need is quite serious and emergent??

I was so frustrated. I called my friend and he suggested that I go and seek some help from the women's college hospital in down town. The nurse was very supportive, emotionally caring and such a sweet heart.

The doctor there told me that because I have seen quite a few doctors already and condition is not getting any better, and since he is not specialized in dermatology, he is hesitated to give me any suggestion what to apply on my dry/frakey/cut skin. His best suggestion is not to put anything on. I asked him if he could refer me to a dermatologist. He said that because he is not my family doctor, he can not refer me to any. I must return to the doctor who burnt my skin to see a specialist. I thought it just did not make any sense to me.

I will not return to the doctor who burnt my face anymore-period.

So I went to the nurse who helped me, explained my situation and asked her if she could recommend me to any helpful doctor that may be able to refer me to a dermatologist asap.

She recommended her own family doctor and said that hopefully that will help me get a dermatologist right away. It was very sweet of her.

I came back home with detoxifying juice (36 oz) to detoxify all the chemicals that must be in my system. I also got some chinese food take out for my roommate, cause I wasn't cooking any food tonite (well, it's nice to eat food cooked by someone else once in a while).

We ate the food, watched the family guy episodes and laughed, It was nice to laugh cause I have been crying and traumatized by the whole experience of seeking professional help visiting clinics and hospitals 5 times since Sunday and seeing my condition getting worst.

I washed my face with mild warm water and left me such dry and burning sensations again (whenever I do something on my face, it swells up, as if I touched burnt and very fragile bruise), so I concluded that I need to apply something on my face although the doctor said not to put anything on. Cause if I left it like that, it was difficult to keep my eyes open or even to speak (cuts hurt).

So my roommate and i went to a nearest drug store, and asked the pharmacist for aloe. Her facial reaction showed how horrified she was to see my changed face (I saw her the day before) and admitted that it's worst today ( :( ), and agreed that the aloe would work okay for my sensitive skin.

So I got that applied the aloe on my face, and now I feel slightly better. At least well enough emotionally and physically to update my blog. But I concluded never to give a birth to a child in this country (if I ever was to marry -of course-and have a family). Well, at least this is a great opportunity to find a good family doctor for me, I think.

I just pray to god that this will not leave permanent scar on my face.
At least it has been a good lesson not to trust anyone that claims to be professional and seek second advise or do some online search before following suggestions maybe helpful in future...

I also feel that this incidence practiced my sense to perceive and judge people from my internal eyes. Meaning that this has helped me not judge others based on the surface, but from the acts that they share with me. Since the past week, I feel that I am able to feel the different degree of people's warmth, and the color of internal well-being that they share with me. I guess it is my intuition that is helping me value little things (encounter with new people, few words that are exchanged, kindness, compassion, consideration and support etc) that make our life much valuable and beautiful. :)

I feel very blessed to have all the people who have been supporting me in my medical crisis and hope that I will not forget to gain, maintain and share all these qualities that these people share with me from my end too. :)

Thankful but in prayers.

Kumi