Human Pain and LIFE

I am a woman after all. Shrug. I have been attacked by this awful tummy ache since yesterday that I spent half of the day laying down yesterday. This pain indeed puts me in a negative mental state that I started think about the relation of my mood change as an effect of physical feelings.

It seems as though the physical pain puts me in the mental state where I feel overwhelmed by the painful attack and almost defeated as if I have lost control

over my emotions. It also puts me in the previous emotional state when I felt most physically broke down with no power to fight back.

Realizing all these made me feel that my ability to recognize such tendency is, in fact, a hope for gaining strength over such pain and ability to stand back still against it. Consequently, I shall not let the physical pain overtake my whole mental well being, and I shall let my mental clarity of mind expand its light over me...

In the past, I had this tendency to stay in the cage once the darkness hits me. I would maze around in the dark tunnel wondering how to reach the end with bright sheer of light coming in. Well, for me to see the bright light definitely took some time, at least until I do experience the running high that a long running could provide me.

Not so long ago, I experienced one of the life changing experiences where I was put in the spot between -1 and zero not really knowing how to turn the direction of my journey into the bright future. It happened unexpectedly that it took sometime for me to clearly understand what it meant for me. Hell, I still have no full understanding why it happened, but I think that such change happened, because my life wanted me to understand the true pain and struggles that people in this world experience. After all, life does not always turn in a way all of us desire.

But at least, we are given this ability to dream, creativity to form the path to reach such ultimate, and multiple emotions to cerebrate what our life is about. You know?

It's like: fine, life does not turn in a way we all want. There are endless fighting, human killing, nature destruction and philosophical belief conflicts leading to more "problems" in this world. But after somewhat comprehending the cause of all these problems occurring without our ability to instant resolutions, what can we do about it???

We can still hang onto our ability to dream. We can still keep our hope for better future. We can keep the faith that everything we go through in life could give us the strength and better understanding of ourselves that we can continue to smile with honesty and feel that our life is a precious gift and beautiful. Just like this life has given all these opportunities to *experience* what it is all about, I think that we can keep our faith within us no matter how harshly the reality of our life appears to be.

As long as we have our faith in us, the faith can lead us to much fulfilling mental and emotional state, bringing a peace of mind within us...

But the point that I wanted to make in today's entry is that my little rage against the part of me instantly becoming rather a little *panicked* whenever I acknowledge myself going through a down side of my ladder. Like what's the problem? I am an emotional human being. It is okay to feel happy. Likewise, it is okay to feel down unhappy with certain state of my life. But as soon as I acknowledge myself aving negative state of mind, I lose my ability to accept my true emotions=my true state of being, like I do not care about me if I bother to wonder in this negative zone instead of happy positive energetic world that I personally define myself to be.

So boo to myself. In future, if I ever feel negative, I want to know the cause of such mental state, how I can resolve my issues, and at least take a few actions for my problem solving, and after I do all that, I just want to let it be, and just chill doing whatever I feel like either lay in bed or stay in the bath tub listening to music and let the long sleep nurture my troubled emotional state and have rather peaceful morning the next day. That's all I wanted to say to myself...haha