SoulManifesto.net

I love FOOOD!!

2006-03-15T00:35:00.000-05:00

Here are the photos of the grilled asparagus and mushroom with curried flavour chic-pea salad with ginger dressing, and kasha dish I made for Sunday Branch:

And I made vegetarian chicpea patties tonite:

I can not wait for my lunch tomorrow!!! Good nite *droool* :)

Danny Krivit!

2006-03-13T01:08:00.000-05:00

So my weekend went by so quickly, but it was quite nice. On Friday nite, I was super tired so I fell into sleep, but woke up early and started cleaning my place. Then I went to a nearest organic restaurant called LIVE to have my breakie there. I had this French Onion Soup, which was very tasty. Then I went to an east asian art and clothing shop next door, where I bought a facy reddish/orange wrap around skirt for the warmer weather. It was so beautiful, and although i was wearing this hip hop/yoga stype olive color tight pants, the skirt matched well with it, so I wore it out for my shopping errands that I was planning on doing. I will take a photo of it sometime soon. LOL I then went to the organic grocery store to buy some veges, dried beans, e3live (organic liquid vitamins) and what not. Then because I had soo much grocery with me, I decided to come home for a cup of tea and a slice of cherry cheese cake for a dessert.hmmm It was tasty. Then the weather was so gorgeous and I got lots of sun light from the window of my room..so I took a photo of me chilling on my bed.. LOL

and then I took a nap, since I was still feeling abit tired (I usually sleep in on Sat morning even I may go to bed early the nite before)....got up and then went to the gym. I then came home and ate some food (mixed vege tomato stew and steamed basmati and wild rice)...and chilled a bit.

I was determined to go and check out Danny Krivit, so I went out to see the show with my friend, Hisa. It took sometime to find a good parking lot, but we found one, and on the way to the venue, we bumped into Danny Krivit, so we had to say hi. We shook hands and it was nice to see his bright down-to-earth smiles :) I was ready to rock'n roll... lol

I found a bit difficult time getting into the mix first, because the sound sort of scattered away (too high ceiling). And the speaker was sort of facing the middle, so it did not travel to the side that I was staying. But I got used to it, and sort of fell in love with the people's great vibes and lost myself dancing with them. It was super fun dancing with loads of people. :)

There was this house dancer crew that was doing their thing, and it really brought much joy in me. I love dancing so much, so it feels just so right when others do their things. :)

Here is a photo of me before heading out for the nite.

My sunday was sent somewhat chilling but busy from afternoon until nite.
But I made a pretty good brunch though. I made salad with curry flavoured chickpea, mushroom, roasted asparagus over two different kind of lettuce and avocado (with ginger dressing) and stir fly vege with red beans over steamed kasha (buck wheat). My roommate loves steamed buck wheat (apparently, it is a Russian thing), so he called his friend over so that three of us can enjoy the feast from Sunday early afternoon. Was super delicous :) I will post photos of them later tomorrow..

Then later, although I was sort of very tired from staying up, dancing up in storm for 3 hours (kind of nothing, but was tired) the nite before, I had to go to some shops for work, so I left my place for shopping. Then I worked out, went to an asian grocery store, did my laundry, cooked food (steamed basmati and wild rice, curry flavoured potatoes with tuna, vegetarian cabbage roll with chick peas, mushroom, carrot, spinach and onion, tomato soup from the broth I got from cooking the cabbage roll, avocado and green salad with ginger dressing and cut up some fruits). So overall, I think I did a lot of cooking today. But considering I will be visiting my best friend in Chicago soon, I want to make sure I know what I will be cooking while staying there, so I have been trying different styles of cooking to decide the best of best recipes that I have came up with... :)

Anyway, gotta go and sleep. Good nite :)

Day 2!! Organic Foods Taste the BEST!!

2006-03-07T01:16:00.000-05:00

I am turning Canadian :)

2006-03-06T01:07:00.000-05:00

^Chicken & Corn Soup-Traditional Chinese Style<--my breakfast on Sunday :)

It has been way too long since I last updated my page.
I have been super busy, but things are looking very positive and happy, so I am very glad about my mental stability and positive moods :) hehe

Well, first of all, I have attended the Canadian Citizenship Hearing/exam with the judge last Tuesday, and although he asked me approx. 30 somewhat difficult questions (a lot of political and geographical questions, which I studied hehe), I was told that he would approve my application and I could expect to receive the notice for the oath ceremony that I will need to attend. So in another word, this means I am getting my Canadian Citizenship after waiting for 1 year and 3 months since the day I submitted the application, so I am very happy about this. :)

I feel very happy and excited how this will bring my family, my own future family and myself more opportunities and freedom.

On the day of passing this exam, I had an opportunity to have lunch with a friend that inspire and is an influential person (to me). We talked both of exciting news (he recently got engaged!) and talked of our visions and what we want to achieve etc. He asked me some questions that helped me think of my personal goals realistically, and he helped me brainstorm a lot of creative ideas while sharing my dreams, so I felt very happy having had this opportunity to spend time with him. Especially after my b-day cerebration weekend, I concluded that I need to consciously spend time with those like minded individuals to keep me focus on my personal goals and myself helping and supporting them at the same time. So this meeting with him absolutely made my day :)

My lovely co-worker whom I respect and admire so much got me a t-shirt that says *Canadian, eh?* on past Friday to cerebrate it. It was so nice of her. I put it on me and it just felt *right*.

For some reasons, after passing the exam, I really do feel *welcomed* and *accepted* here.
It has given me much strength to stay the way I am, and never let something or someone stop me from what I want to pursue in my life. So this change really has brought so much of positive energy into my life, already, and I feel quite overwhelmed about this, because I did not expect this. hehe

Especially after getting my citizenship and having had this conversation during my lunch meeting with my friend talking about the idea of having my own farm to grow own fresh and organic produce for my cooking adventure, I decided that I need to start practicing what it would be like to grow my own vegetables and herbs. Plus, growing plants and vegetables would allow me to gain much knowledge on nutrients, growing process, how to protect our environment and nurture my motherhood at the same time, so I am very excited about this new hobby and interest!

So although it was more like a spur of a moment result, I went to get some organic seeds, flower pots, organic soil and a book called *you grow girl* to explore this new interest.

I always waned to grow green for my salad and for the sake of health, so the first thing that came in my mind was to grow some white radish sprouts!

So here is the day 1 photo:

I am planting sweet basil and Italian parsley (based on the last frost day and its planting and sow date that I calculated) this week. I plan on growing cherry tomatoes, baby carrots and organic lettuce too. There are more things that I want to try, but I shall be patient with me so that I will not get discouraged if things will not go smoothly..lol

But I think it will be a great first step to learning how to appreciate fresh produce that we tend to take for granted. If I could ever prepare meals using ingredients that I produced, then I think the whole process of serving the food will have much values and meanings, and I can not wait to experience the immense joy of sharing and consuming the end product..lol Plus, learning how to grow vegetables and plants will help us gain more green in our planet, so I am excited about being a positive cause on protecting the environment in this manner too..anyway, i must sound like an disorganized bragging bitch that needs to go and sleep, so I will go. But I will post some photos tomorrow or something. Thanks for reading! :)

Personal Commitment to MYSELF

2006-02-14T22:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Japan time on Feb 14th was my mama's b-day.
I called her after I came home from work out and cooked nice lunch for the next day, and had a good conversation with her. I love it how she loves to talk and we have our *girl's talk* talking about how silly my dad is etc..*giggle* hehe

Well, I was very happy to know that she is in great spirits, indeed.

Speaking of b-day, Feb 10th was my younger sister, Kano's b-day. Sounds like she is going thru a bit of difficult time. She is a very talented, inspiring and motivated young girl that has a spirit of a samurai warrior. All the boys that she dated are rather chasing after her, cause she takes the lead. Yes, you go, girl. I admire you. LOL Well, back to the topic, I really hope that she will not let outside factors put her down too much, but continue seeking what she KNOWS she deserves. But I also want her to know that the experience is everything. It is an ultimate learning lesson that allows us to grow. So I hope that she will keep her positive attitude and engaging in creative activities to fulfill her passion and needs. :)

As for me, you know, I have had two weeks where I encountered some bad luck.
My dad and my roommate, and my mentor (you inspire me) have keep dropping this line to me: "keep your focus".

That's right.

I have been having such unclear focus, because I have been struggling really hard to maintain personal peace and joy within.

Since I started running (instead of using the stair masters at the gym) about hmm 2 months ago, I started remembering all sort of achievements that I gained as a runner in the past over 2 decades of my life (wow, this means I have been running over 20 years! cool).

I got my first shoe raced running shoes and running suits and all sort of things by coming to the top 3 in the fall marathon competion since I was 6.

I set the record for the junior highschool marathon competition that still stands to this date under my name.

It was running that almost let me go to this famo highschool for long distance running, because my physical education teacher saw much potential within me in running.

Even I left Japan, although I initially placed top 6 of a junior versity team in track and field at Maria Highschool in Huntington Beach, Cali, by the end of the season, I was the leading runner guranteed to be in the varsity team, setting records at some races.

It also was running that allowed me to make local English speaking friends, in spite of my shy attitude not wanting to talk for myself. LOL

Then after I moved to West Vancouver, in BC, I kept running and I was recruited by a national track coach to be in the running team that he coached, and in the last year of my highschool, I was the top 2 in BC for 3000m throughout the season, although I could not win the race due to injuries at the final.

...here and there, I always did quite well in running, because, well, I was VERY FOCUSED, and running was my everything. I knew what I wanted (run well and fast), so I monitored everything that I did in my life: diet, water intake, sleep, amount of rest, nutrients etc...

So even something bothered me in my personal life, I tried not to get it affect my running.

And I guess because of that, I was quite successful with my mission.

Now, since two Novembers ago, from an incidence that led me to gain PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), my main interest has been learning how to live again, re-gain all the strength and confidence that I had lost, and just to live life with pure joy and happiness.

Although sometime once in a while without my expectation, I get my down time that puts me in a dark tunnel, I think I have finally gained my mental strength, spiritual balance, immense joy and love for my own life and others that I care, appreciation for everything that is given to me, and be comfortable being who I am and cultivating my personal interests here and there.

But like I have noted this in my Jan 29th entry, there is a part of me deep inside that has been holding me to depart from the defensive mode to *explore the world*, because of the fear.

In the past few days, I have been thinking, how pity it is for a human being to spend so much of her time thinking and evaluating one's human progress and life as a whole, but not doing something about it.

I understand that I have my today, because of all the thinking and wondering that I have done in the past while. It indeed led me to learn more about myself for sure.

But you know, 3 days prior to my 28th b-day on Feb 17th today, I want to tell myself that it is my time to get back to the *exploring mode*, the adventurous and warrior like spirit that I once used to be.

For the upcoming year of my life, I will not let negative emotions or other people's criticism/negative energy affect me to the degree that I would get indulged in it.

I for god's sake, have no time for such a thing, cause I must keep running, before someone coming to get me.

But truthfully, it is not a battle against others.
It is a personal cerebration and respect for my own creativity, passion and love for my own life, and my way to cherish all the blessings that are given to me, because of the all the people who care and love me too.

So here we go, I am preparing to stand on the start line now.
Just like my last race I participated over 8-9 years ago, my heart is starting to beat fast, getting some butterfries in my tummy, but I will let the adolenarine take me to the potential that I have in my life, like a free bird that flies freely and high up in the sky.

:)

I am very thankful for my progress in my PTSD (feel I do not even have one anymore.. hehe) and thankful for all you people who care and support me unconditionally.

Because of I am thankful and I care, I hope I will be a great inspiration to you, this year.

Sincerely....thank you for reading my people. I love you very much. With lots of love, Kumi

Saturday nite

2006-02-12T17:08:00.000-05:00

It was the Bump'n Hassle 10 year anniversary party this time last nite, so I wasn't missing it.
It was so packed that the manager of the venue wasn't letting anybody in. At some point, they were going to let me in, but waited until the gentlemen showed up.

Inside it was so packed that the front did not have the dance circle neither. I was a bit disappointed. Cause one of the factors that attracted me to this event was the dancers. It was too packed. Hopefully next month, the dancers will return to the front of the space for some funky dance battles ;) :)

It was still nice to see Carlos all happy and Dirty Dale and his dance a bit :)

At one point, my jacket went missing, so I was like: "why the hell am I getting all the bad luck??"

You know, my wallet went missing two thursdays ago. I got it back the next day without the cash, but I felt that the wallet got the negative energy from the person who stole it. I know it is all in my mind, and who knows, it is my bad karma, but I am quite sensitive to things that I initially perceive unwelcoming. sigh. Anyway, Dino, Jonathon and Vito were so kind that they all looked for my jacket for me, and found it. phew.

Then Dino was very kind to drop us off at the Theo Parish show.
Since it is my time to head to the gym, I will leave this short.
You know, someone like him, who plays bizzar abstract techy and detroit sounding shite make me *think*. Very inspiring for our creative minds. I was pumpered and felt challenged to do something more creative in my life. So after all this, I am a bit frustrated at myself for sleeping until 4 in the afternoon (after great parties, of course,but still), so I wanna go to the gym, and do my thing and do my thinking to see what is it that I should be doing in my life to reach to the potential that I have in my life.

So very thankful for Jason U. for the list at Theo. All these people in T-dot in the scene rock. I freaking Love IT :) and It would be so much better, if you were around, Ange. Toronto needs you :)

Back to Work!

2006-02-10T01:28:00.000-05:00

This morning, the condition of my face was better, so I went back to work.
The cold weather out sort of cut my skin around my mouth, but I was mentally ready for it this time. At work, everyone was very supportive and caring, so it made me very comfortable to be back.

In the morning, I felt as though the burn also caused brain damage on me, cause I was making so much stupid mistakes...but in the afternoon, I catched up on things (somewhat) and was back on track thanks to everyone's support.

One of the founders of the company is the person who invented the wire coating technology/solution that is only available in the whole world told me that the combination of the glycolic acid and the ingredients of the gel do cause burn on the skin. He and his assistant showed me a very scary look when I told them what happened, as if they knew it would be an obvious nightmare to expect, only if I had known more chemistry. LOL

They were very sympathetic for me, and recommended something to try for my speedy recovery. Too bad, I forgot what exactly it was. I must get the name tomorrow.

But anyway, overall, my first day back at work was good. I am thankful for everyone's support (once again), and patience. I am truly blessed to have very understanding bosses, supportive and caring co-workers. I mean truthfully, they do have such caring characters. I was touched.

So I am thankful for surrounding myself in a good work environment.

Okay, it's time for me to go and sleep. Good nite. Oh, I really HOPE that my skin would be well enough to go and see Dino & Terry..... I hope SO!!

P.S.
Note to myself-this weekend, Garage 416 10 year Anniversary party and Theo Parish gig on Saturday..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Time to shake my booty :) yay. I am so happy!

Third Day after the Origin of Nightmare

2006-02-09T01:03:00.000-05:00

Well, after visiting 5 doctors and seeing my face getting worst with the extreme dryness and cuts around my eyes, nose and mouth, I wasn't giving up seeking some help, cause if I did, it will be me who will have to deal with my consequence of the burn on my face.

I called the walk in clinic (the doctor that burnt my entire skin on my face) asking them why they have not called me back for the appointment with a dermatologist that they promised to make for me first thing in the morning. The receptionist said, if there were no call, no appointment. What an ignorant amateur idiot, God! (with Napoleon accent), I thought. I told her that it was their responsibility to provide me a choice to see a dermatologist immediately, since all this happened because of the lack of attention of the doctor who prescribed me some gel that reacted badly with the facial cleanser (glycolic acid-evil shite, now I know!) burning my entire skin of my face.

Well, they did call me back 5 minutes later for an afternoon appointment.

They did not confirm the full name of the dermatologist ("I have no time for that", the irresponsible secretary told me), so I could not confirm if it was the doctor where I read some negative comments/feedback on the internet (thanks to the technology, I landed a meeting minute of the toronto dermatologist organization of some sort, where this doctor was sort of slammed, because of her evil attitude putting the rest of dermatologists in the city down in the media interviews etc), but nevertheless, at the point, I had not seen a professional that claimed to be a dermatologist, so I said to myself that it is worth while checking what she would need to say.

I arrived at the clinic, and I was able to see the doctor relatively without much waiting time.

She never studied my face, but was too busy trying to understand each word written on the referral from the walk in clinic doctor (she was freaking old like in the 70s). And she proceeded to tell me that what I need is 4 times stronger antibiotics than what I am already taking. I was like, "but, madam, the only reason why I am here today is because I need an immediate treatment on my burnt skin, not to cure my acne problem".

She told me to shut up. She did not want to know why I was there to see her. She blamed me it was my fault for taking the gel and glycolic acid on my face, although I told her that I had checked with a person who claimed to be professional family physician first before doing so.
She did not care.

Basically, she was a witch, such a stubburn old lady who does not know how to listen to the patient (I thought that all the doctors knew how important it is for them to listen to the patients before providing any medical advise..I guess after long years of practice, some of them may become quite arrogant and feel absolutely sure with their first judgment..such a poor and scary habit, I thought).

I started thinking: "Honesty, this is what I call, a waste of my time".
So I thanked her for her time and advise, and left her office.

I headed to the next dermatologist appointment with an Acne clinic where I would not need a referral from a family physician.

The doctor there and his assistant were the first one to finally study the severity of my burn of my face, advise me what I need to heal my skin and how long I will need to be patient and gentle with my skin.

The doctor told me "don't worry, we will fix you". This sort of sounded as if they were going to use the cosmetic practice to fix me, but still, after this nightmare and if this will leave me a permanent scars and patches on my face, I will probably consider laser operation to remove my scar..but it has been only a few days, so will see :)

Anyway, they GAVE ME some treatments that immediately reduced the irritation on my skin.

I was like: "finally, the VICTORY IS MINE!!" (with Stewie's accent) LOL

So I was a happy girl ever.
Although it was a tough challenge after experiencing this nightmare, thanks to my friends, my roommate, my co-workers and supervisors's support and understanding, I have reached the point where I can relax and trust someone's guidance on my way to healing my face.

At the same time, I feel that this experience gave me an opportunity to really test my strength and self-respect and responsibility. Whenever I get sick, I have this tendency to whine and always beg for my mom (in my mind), but this time, I am very proud that I took care of everything by leading my self, even at the bottom of this challenge, where it was even so scary to see my own face!

So I am proud of myself :) Yay. Victory is mine!

I hope that I will be well enough to go back to WORK :) Here we go, lots of work to do! :)

Very thankful for the guidance by the thoughtful and reliable dermatologist :)

Nightmare-Can't trust anybody

2006-02-08T00:05:00.000-05:00

On Saturday nite, we went to check out and to support the Garage 416 featuring Spiritual Music Record party where Kamati Pinkston played some soulful and funky music. I had such a blast dancing, and had a great time :)

From this evening, my eyes started to irritate me my tears running down non-stop for some reasons. I thought that it was just because of the cold weather.

When I woke up on Sunday, my face was extremely dry and my acene broke out badly (out of control), so it really was a time to see a doctor. But what kind of doctor would operate/see patients on Sunday? Well, I thought it is better to see someone than not, so I went to this only clinic in town that was open on Sunday.

The doctor said that it was just a typical acne problem. He gave me some antibiotics and gel to apply on my acne. He suggested that I do take the medicine and apply the gel before going to bed. I did that at 9pm and went to bed by 10pm. I also showed the facial cleanser that I have been using to wash my face. He said it is okay to continue using, so I did so as suggested.

When I woke up on Monday, my skin was super dry, irritated and yet swollen that I could not even recognize my face. I got so scared so I went to see this walk in clinic doctor that I have seen before (in my neighborhood). He suggested that I get off the gel that was prescribed to me, and get any cleanser and lotion that a drug store pharmacist can recommend. So I got what she recommended and apply on my skin.

But towards the end of the nite, entire skin of my face became extremely frakey and peeling, leaving very sensitive red skin underneath causing burning and tingle sensations on my skin. The skin around my face and eye were so red and cut. It was just so painful that I thought I need to do something before this experience leaves me permanent scar physically and emotionally.

So I went to the emergency of the Toronto General Hospital.
I registered myself in at 11:45pm. The last person before me was seen by the doctor at 2:35am. I waited and waited. A nurse who passed by asked me if I already saw a doctor. I said "nobody has come and call my name yet". The clock pointed 4:00am. All these tired/sleepy staff completey forgot about my existence. The doctor looked as if he felt guilty when he took me to the patient's room. At least it let him sit down and consulted what's wrong with me this time, I guess it is better, I thought.

He basically concluded that the facial cleanser that the doctor said it's okay for me to continue using had either a bad allergic reaction on me or caused bad chemical reaction with the gel that he prescribed me, burning my entire skin as if I got a really bad sun burn or got caught in fire.

Either way, my skin is now burnt and peeling entirly.

He suggested not to use any cleanser with chemical in it and let the time heal. He also said that maybe I am allergic to certain foods too. He said that if I want to see him again to take some food allergy testing, I should make an appointment with him on Wednesday or Friday privately at the clinic that he works on those days.

I came home and slept.

On Tuesday I woke up and was horrified to see my face, because entire skin on my face were peeling leaving red big marks/spots all over it. The swelling of my eye and left cheek have not got any better. Not knowing where and how to get the professional advise that I needed, I had to cry to let my frustration out of me. *NOBODY IS HELPING ME EVEN I NEED IMMEDIATE ATTENTION*.

I called my co-worker asking her for her suggestion. She suggested that I return to the first doctor who gave me the medicine that burnt my skin to get the appointment with a dermatologist. So I did. He said "it's worst huh?" "Has anyone recommended acutane to you before??" I was like, why can't you get it, I need to do something for my allergic reaction on my face to heal first before leaving permanent scar on my face. I am not interested in taking any more antibiotics or gels on my acne than I have already taken!

So I told him that "it's obvious that I am allergic to certain chemicals or the combination of your prescribed medicine and recommended cleanser caused a bad chemical reaction burning my face like this, so I am not interested in getting more medicine or listening to an advise from a non-specialist. I demand you refer me to a darmatologist immediately before this leaves me permanent scar on my face and making this whole experience traumatic".

He requested his secretary to try making an appointment from two doctors. One of them with which they could not get a hold of. The secretary suggested I go to the clinic (because they are open until 5pm) physically right away. So I got on a cab and went. The clinic was closed by 3:30pm. I called back the walk-in clinic, and she told me that she would make an appointment for me tomorrow morning.

I came home feeling how unprofessional these people all are, decided to do some search on the internet about this dermatologist that they tried to make an appointment for me. It turns out that she is not even a dermatologist, but specialised in internal organs etc. I was like,,, Why do I need to waste my time seeing someone who can not help me, when my need is quite serious and emergent??

I was so frustrated. I called my friend and he suggested that I go and seek some help from the women's college hospital in down town. The nurse was very supportive, emotionally caring and such a sweet heart.

The doctor there told me that because I have seen quite a few doctors already and condition is not getting any better, and since he is not specialized in dermatology, he is hesitated to give me any suggestion what to apply on my dry/frakey/cut skin. His best suggestion is not to put anything on. I asked him if he could refer me to a dermatologist. He said that because he is not my family doctor, he can not refer me to any. I must return to the doctor who burnt my skin to see a specialist. I thought it just did not make any sense to me.

I will not return to the doctor who burnt my face anymore-period.

So I went to the nurse who helped me, explained my situation and asked her if she could recommend me to any helpful doctor that may be able to refer me to a dermatologist asap.

She recommended her own family doctor and said that hopefully that will help me get a dermatologist right away. It was very sweet of her.

I came back home with detoxifying juice (36 oz) to detoxify all the chemicals that must be in my system. I also got some chinese food take out for my roommate, cause I wasn't cooking any food tonite (well, it's nice to eat food cooked by someone else once in a while).

We ate the food, watched the family guy episodes and laughed, It was nice to laugh cause I have been crying and traumatized by the whole experience of seeking professional help visiting clinics and hospitals 5 times since Sunday and seeing my condition getting worst.

I washed my face with mild warm water and left me such dry and burning sensations again (whenever I do something on my face, it swells up, as if I touched burnt and very fragile bruise), so I concluded that I need to apply something on my face although the doctor said not to put anything on. Cause if I left it like that, it was difficult to keep my eyes open or even to speak (cuts hurt).

So my roommate and i went to a nearest drug store, and asked the pharmacist for aloe. Her facial reaction showed how horrified she was to see my changed face (I saw her the day before) and admitted that it's worst today ( :( ), and agreed that the aloe would work okay for my sensitive skin.

So I got that applied the aloe on my face, and now I feel slightly better. At least well enough emotionally and physically to update my blog. But I concluded never to give a birth to a child in this country (if I ever was to marry -of course-and have a family). Well, at least this is a great opportunity to find a good family doctor for me, I think.

I just pray to god that this will not leave permanent scar on my face.
At least it has been a good lesson not to trust anyone that claims to be professional and seek second advise or do some online search before following suggestions maybe helpful in future...

I also feel that this incidence practiced my sense to perceive and judge people from my internal eyes. Meaning that this has helped me not judge others based on the surface, but from the acts that they share with me. Since the past week, I feel that I am able to feel the different degree of people's warmth, and the color of internal well-being that they share with me. I guess it is my intuition that is helping me value little things (encounter with new people, few words that are exchanged, kindness, compassion, consideration and support etc) that make our life much valuable and beautiful. :)

I feel very blessed to have all the people who have been supporting me in my medical crisis and hope that I will not forget to gain, maintain and share all these qualities that these people share with me from my end too. :)

Thankful but in prayers.

Kumi

Toronto deephouse music lovers unit!

2006-02-04T11:11:00.000-05:00

On Friday nite, my friend, Nozomi and I went to see Dino & Terry at their residency at Beba lounge. I had a bit of stressful week, so it was just super nice to be out listening to good music and surrouding myself with cool and sweet people :)

The set of the nite by Dino & Terry was absolutely FANTASTIC.

There is something about them, and I will try my best to describe how I perceive/feel about them.
Not only they are talented producers/DJs and have great taste in music, they have this ability to welcome all the souls in the space and share their love for the music. Their internal energy is so warm and powerful and very healing too that you just feel it when listening and feeling their music live.

The nite's set was sooo great. From deep techno to deephouse and some classic tunes (disco), I really liked every single record that they played. It was so soulful, DEEP and nurturing to my soul. I had never been satisfied I thought.

Then Jonathon, Vito, Nozomi and I went out to the Chinese food afterwords. It was pretty good! :)

I want to thank Dino and Terry for such a wonderful music and fulfilling and nurturing me thru the way they played the music with their open heart and souls, Jonathon and Vito for being such amazing companions for the party, and Nozomi for always being there for me. :)

I finally feel as though I have a place to call home here in Toronto :)

Peace and in love and light,

Kumi

Endless thoughts after an unlucky day

2006-02-03T00:26:00.000-05:00

I noticed that I had my monthly public transporation pass missing from my bag once I got to the subway station on my way back from work. I just got it recently and it did not make me feel lucky especially the card would give me much freedom in my life. Maybe I should have guarded my pass with more caution and not take it for granted, I thought. I made a mental note to check my desk once again tomorrow, although I highly doubt that I can find it....

I have been feeling quite a bit of stress lately.

I question myself why. I think that I am not pleased having people controlling me in my life (due to confidentiality and personal issue, I choose not to get into a detail).

Lately, I realized that one of the worst feelings that I dislike to experience was a feeling of violation and control over against my desire. I think I have been fighting off to gain my freedom. Freedom to express myself. Freedom to live in a way that truly reflects the person me, the freedom to share joy and happiness with those people around in my life, the freedom to run, the freedom to dance, the freedom to feel however I want to feel without feeling obligated to feel other way around..freedom to just LIVE MY LIFE with pure honesty and respect for myself.

This gaining the freedom has become such important factor choosing my actions lately, which is a bit of a change considering all I cared about in the past was to manifest my personal identity.

Anyway, I must admit that I can not tolerate it whenever I feel as though someone is trying to take authority to control me. I am not a slave, just pay some respect for my positive attitude and commitment to meet and exceed expectations with my effort to take some extra considerations to make your life easy, that's all I ask. That is the type of feeling I get.

"Without taking a risk, you can never explore the different side of the story that you maybe deserve to experience during your life time"....

I have been thinking of this quite a lot in the past few days (maybe since yesterday).

Sometime, I feel like just leaving everything aside in my life and go to NYC to really dedicate myself to learn something for my passion for dancing.

Sometime, I feel like I just want to go back to a college to learn more about colors, flower arrangement, cooking, massage therapy and all that I am interested in.

Sometime, I feel like I want to go to Tibet to become a monk.

Sometime, I feel like dropping all my desires for materialistic gain/career success and be happy for the simplicities of life that is given to me.

But to share the joy and love of life, I still face the reality that I need minimum amount of income to share my passion (cooking/making others happy by doing things that usually cost money), so I can not just leave my work. But I notice my need to exclude any materialistic goals that I may subconsciously have, because this can get quite unhealthy. But at the same time, I do admit that I want to be able to buy things to express my identity and feel comfortable with it (say fashion and make up and all that things that are required to take good care of myself as a young lady??!! lol). And to take good care of oneself can cost money too (good food, nutrients and supplements, nice body lotion and hand cream,...list goes on). So I feel that I can not escape from the need to have good finace in my life. But I wonder how wonderful it would be if I was super healthy to begin with that I would not need all the this and that to take good care of myself but be healthy naturally......

Does this mean that I am not so healthy because of stress/a lack of sleep/not enough time to make me pleased with my personal interests and missions that I ended up spending more money to compensate???!!!

Anyway, I would go on and on in a cycle thinking about all these. I really need to find a boarderline to maintain my personal happiness and good NATURAL health for sure, I think.

I was thinking all these and was so tired, but managed to go to the gym and had a good work out. I ran until the gym closing time, so I rushed myself to the bathing area to have a quick shower. I wasn't gonna go in forever so I did not put back my lock in my locker. When I came back, there was this lady who was sort of going into my things. I was like, erm, excuse me, but I was freaking naked, so I wasn't comfortable to talk to her all I had on me was a bath towel.

She took off immediately, so I put my clothes on and left the gym.

Then I realized that my new wallet was missing.
Instantly, the face of that lady came back to me for some reasons.
I got frustrated especially I had my public transportation pass went missing earlier in the evening too, so I called my friend to brag about this. Then I wanted to go back to the gym to make a report about this. And on my way back, I bumped into this same lady, so instantly, I bluntly asked her: "Have you seen my wallet?" She then goes: "what?" Me: "Have you seen my wallet??" She: "Why would I know where your wallet is? and why would I steal someone's wallet??"

In that moment, I knew it was her. I mean, I never accused her of *stealing my wallet* or mention the word *stealing or taking*. I just asked her about my wallet and she reacted by saying "stealing".

Her facial expression also told me that she knew what I was asking her about.

Anyway, I got so upset, went back to the gym, told the staff about what just happened, and then went back to the locker to see if I see an emptry wallet (as I hear from people that rubber usually just take the money and throw the wallet away) anywhere.

I could not find it. So I made a report about it, and walked home.

On the way home, I felt so upset and guilty, because I had most of my sentimental items in it: the ring that I received after my grandma passed away, in which I have been carrying as a guardian angel. This key holder that I got for my grandpa, when I first went to a field trip, which he carried it everywhere by attaching it on his bag. I got it back when he past away, because it made me feel as though my grandpa would always be with me, if I carried the key holder with me. Then a few rocks that I got after climbing to the top of Mt. Fuji to remind me of my achievement and sucess (plus, I believe in the mother nature of Mt. Fuji)....all sort of things I had in my wallet are now GONE.

Surprisingly, as I write about this, I am not that upset. I still feel that my grandpa and my grandma are with me, although those sentimental items are gone. I wonder if this happened as a way to test my attachment to materials or my way of valueing myself based on materials.... I wonder.

But I did not need to lose all that and my money, so I feel that wasn't fair.

However, it is not like someone broke my legs that I can not run/dance anymore, or I lost all my money and have no money to buy a new pass to work, or anything like that, so I feel blessed to yet have all that to keep my life convenient and happy.

I just have to sort out my needs to make me internally at peace and happy...

In search for my eternal bliss...goes on :)

Rolling Bomber Special

2006-02-02T00:48:00.000-05:00

Rolling Bomber Special

Enjoy :)

Dammit-tttt!

2006-01-31T22:34:00.000-05:00

It's still Tuesday, but I feel tired already (lol).
I fell into sleep and had a 1.5 hr nap before managing myself to wake up for a daily work out after coming back from work last nite (note: commuting on the local bus and ttc takes approx. 1 hr and 15 minutes one way), and I have not slept in till the gym closing time for a while that I did not think I would do such a thing today, and I did. Dammit! So I am here, partially awake, wanted to update my blog before going back to my sweet and warm bed early tonite so that I can wake up at 5am for a morning work out to start my day strong and energetic tomorrow...

Over the weekend, I went to the Solid Garage Classics party where the featured DJs, Dino and Terry rocked our world. They have kindly put some photos of my friend, Nozomi and me in their website, so here is the link for those curious souls: http://dinoandterry.typepad.com/photos/january_pics/index.html

Here are a few that I got from the site. I look quite happy below..hehehehe Music brings so much joy in my heart and soul! I can't help it!!!!! :)

Hey, Ange. T-dot dance floor and crowd say *hello!!* Until you are there in Sweden, I will make sure the floor is occupied by my joyful ass-self ;) :)

I look forward for this coming Friday to catch Dino & Terry again!!!!!!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm-I am so appreciative for the T-dot deephouse music scene :)
Yay!

Solid Garage Classics Feat. Dino & Terry & GI

2006-01-29T21:34:00.001-05:00

My my. I do not know where to begin, but I had such a blast at the Solid Garage Classics Feat. Dino & Terry & GI party at Gypsy Co-op last nite.

Thanks to Monique and Yogi, I had an opportunity to join this party, and I had such a fun time dancing with energetic and soulful dancers on the floor.

:)

I am so very thankful that I was there to experience this, because it means so much to me to connect with other passionate dancers and music lovers and be a part of our local deephouse music scene.

Dino & Terry rocked my world and I am still dreaming from the vibe that I experienced from last nite. :) It was also nice to finally exchanged a conversation with them and their crew, Vito and Jonathan. I look forward for the coming Friday catching them again...Nozomi-if you were reading this, you would need to come out with me again :) Also, I would like to extend my sincere appreciation (once again) to Monique and Yogi :) You guys rock!!!!

With much sincere appreciation and respect. :) In love and peace,

Kumi

experiential avoidance and emotional suffering

2006-01-29T20:36:00.000-05:00

When I was at a drug store the other day, this topic on the cover of this particular magazine caught my attention: "Is fear limiting your life?"

I am not the one that invests money for magazines, but I had to purchase this magazine to read what was about it, as I have been aware of this personal truth that I live in the fear that to some degree lowers my optimism sometime.

The article mentioned about this lady who developed a fear of flying which led her to avoid not just flying but driving and the whole concept of leaving the house eventually. She became overly fearful about travelling and leaving the house after the 9/11 attack in NYC, and to help her deal with the trauma, she got dependent on the street drugs, and her consumption of the drugs was enough to kill a moose.

Anyway, the article explained to the reader how it is common for us to avoid anything to reduce our emotional suffering level to zero.

"What may be a common behavioural tendency in which I have subconsciously avoided certain situations to not face with the potential emotional suffering and threat?"

I had to clarify my personal experiential avoidance that reduces my potential emotional suffering.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the major hurdles that I have still yet to pass is attending house dance workshops/lessons without feeling humiliated and embarrassed.

I love to dance for many reasons. I feel as though I can manifest what I am feeling when I freely move my body to the rhythm and vibration that I hear and feel. I also feel as though I am dancing with my internal organs, my soul, cerebrating my all senses that let me *feel* such wonderful art of life. And because of my passion to dance, I have once attended this house dance workshop by Brain *footwork* Green in NYC. Although it was for the beginner house dance lesson, all the participants knew what they were doing, and I felt humiliated. Also, when I went to the house dance conference, I became overly conscious of my dance and could not dance in a way I would do so, if I did not feel like the worst dancer on the floor.

I do notice my conscious and naive self not wanting to be the worst dancer on the floor, but from when did dancing become a competitive thing in my book??? Dancing was always my way to manifest whatever I was feeling and return the positive energy to the space as I listen to vibrant music. So why the heck do I care what other people think of my dance etc???

Those were the questions that I gained after my first visit to NYC in 2004. But dancing has become not only a way to manifest myself but to protest my rights to be free. It sounds as though I have turned into an aggressive human if I phrase my meaning/purpose for the dance, but I do not think I can say so in another way around.

I have experienced an incidence that made me feel as though another human being violated me completely. It took a lot of things away from me. My ability to trust my own judgment. My comfort level. My security. My strength. Instantly, I gained self doubt, haunted by fear and nightmares and I was no longer sure if I was permitted to express myself in a way I did to cerebrate my life.

But after sometime living in the dark maze seeking some answers but stuck in unanswered questions, I realized that I can not continue letting my personal experience to limit my opportunity and freedom.

So now I have more deep meanings for all these passions that I have. House music has become a tool to help me manifest my body and soul. I redefined the reason why I ran; Running has become a sport to help me maintain my confidence and strength. Dancing has become a medium to not only manifest myself but to cerebrate my life but to share the joy and blessing of life that is given to us with others, and often as a tool to protest my rights.

So I recognized that my past experience that once made me gain fear and suffering has let me redefine the meaning of certain activities that I was always passionate about. And what I am interested to know is whether I continue let my fear to be embarrassed or humiliated limit my freedom to explore.

I can not completely say that I do not worry about such a thing anymore. In fact, I still recognize my behaviour limiting my opportunities because of my fear. So I want to consciously keep this question within me to reduce experiential avoidance and shape me to continuously engage in activities that I become attracted to/interested in to explore much potential in my life.

to experience the true love is to be in love with the life/world

2006-01-29T11:44:00.000-05:00

in the past 1 week or so, i come to unite with two individuals whom I used to exchange mental and philosophical thoughts, ideas and theories with.

one of them is alex, whom i had an online chat exchange the other day for over 3 hours.

during our conversation, we covered some really interesting points and one of them is about true love.

he gave me his theory that to experience the true love, one needs to be in love with the life/world.

i shared my personal experience and fully agreed and supported the theory. Why? Well, no matter how compassionate and loving a person can be, as long as s/he does not have the ability to face and acccept the reality and in love with the world no matter how ugly pictures s/he maybe seeing in the given moment of time, s/he can not experience the true love.

I personally think that the love you give to the world will come back to you in an ultimate and unconditional sense. Meaning that more you give to the world, more you receive. More truthful and genuine love you give, more pure and unconditional love you receive. So unless one has not developed the ability to accept and be in love with this life, the world will not return you the true love one deserves...

I am truly thankful for Alex for sharing his view, because it fully supported something that I have been wondering and thinking about for a while.

I personally have another topic that I want to cover, but I will do so after eating my hot and sour thai noodle soup (my breakfast yes!) :)

Till then, all you have a blessing day. and a happy great new year to you all :)

In love and light, Kumi

self reflection

2006-01-22T01:17:00.000-05:00

sometime, i want to stay in my room and just cry.
i have not updated my blog and website for so long.
it is partially because i dedicate most of my time for my work responsibility.
but also because i choose not to reflect my personal thoughts in my web space.

in the beginning of this year, i felt as if someone violated my true emotions that I share on my website. because of that, i shut down my site for a few days, but realized that i should not let someone stop me from being me.

today, somehow my true emotions are acknowledged and accepted by me. no more control over my own feelings.

I guess it is the hurtful feelings that stop me from feeling in a way I truthfully feel. Because I do not want to have negative emotions within me. So my automatic response is to shut them off.
But I guess it does not help me from healing at all.

All of us live with any sort of negative feelings: sadness, anger, upset, irritation, frustration etc.
But I guess as long as one continues to shut such energy off, instead of questioning the origin of such energy, the energy will haunt you back again at a later time, and would become a bigger issue.

But ignorance does not help me from dealing with my own personal truth.

Today, I want to make a commitment to deal with my own negativity by acknowledging and accepting it and questioning the origin of such energy and finding out a way to turn it into positive in my life.

I am glad of my realization tonite. I think I will make some serious notes in the upcoming entries which is a little different from my optimistic and silly past entries, but I really need to reflect on my self right now.

Thank you for the strengh and love. I am blessed with my life. Peace, Kumi

A happy new year!!

2006-01-09T01:08:00.000-05:00

Hello-thank you for reading my lame-not so frequently updated blog :(

I have had a bit of down time that I was in a shell spending a lot of my energy to look after myself.

Now that it is 2006 and thanks to my friend, Tomomi's encouragement and inspiration, I have been mentally doing better (stable, and the mild weather has been helping me a lot too), so I have decided to update my blog.

I was going to let my soulmanifesto.net website, as I have been terrible with the update, but I realize that I have given out my email address to some important people that I want to always keep in touch with, so I think I am going to keep it (unless I will change my mind in the last minute).

Well, I have so much to share, but as it is really the time for me to get some sleep, I am going to post some photos for you to enjoy :)

Sending you much positive energy and love on your way. May you have a blessing and fulfilling year in 2006.

In love and light,

Kumi

NYE at my friend's place-alcohol making my face so red in effect: lol

Doing whtat I enjoy doing so much: dancing! woo hoo! :)

Jan-1-2006 dinner-sushi party at Kumi's place with friends :)

more to come...

with immense appreciation for my co-workers

2005-12-23T21:05:00.000-05:00

I hate to update my journal when so much time has gone by, but I just wanted to extend my sincere appreciation for my co-workers who gave me thoughtful Christmas gifts and making me feel special :)

I really liked the gifts very much, Jeannie, Lana and Jin :)

With love and respect :)

Kumi

Written later :P

Kumi's sushi @work

2005-12-15T01:27:00.000-05:00

Soo it has been way too long since I last updated my page.
i have returned from my succssful business trip to Japan and have spent 1 weekand a bit preparing myself for the holiday season.

i have been starving for the bestest food of Japan, so I bought the finest ingredients that I can find to make sushi one weekend, and here are a few photos of the sushi I made :)

Look how shiny each grain of rice is :)

salmon nigiri :)

smoked salmon and mango pureed mayo sauce with dill

dynamite roll and california roll with real crab meat :)

i brought some sushi (i also made philly roll with cooked tuna steak with philly cream cheese addition to these) for lunch the next day to work and shared some of my food with my co-workers. it seems as though everyone enjoyed it.

I hope to do this again :)

Snow on Japanese Garden is definitely pretty :)

2005-12-05T17:08:00.000-05:00

sooo I have arrived in Japan on Sun evening Japan time after 13 hr of flight eating not so pleasant flight meals, sammich snack (you had a choice of sammich or cup noodles) and ice cream. LOL

I am enjoying seeing my parents, my grandma and Brian, the silly dog here, but I continue to spend some time for work. Indeed, I am reminded that my job requires me to have good time management and organizational skills covering overseas travel and meeting arrangements for the executives.

But I must say that I am blessed with great team and people who can support us. :)

Yesterday, I woke up, made hotel arrangements, did a bit of translation work, then had a relative coming to visit, so it was nice to see him and watch my childhood video clips which my dad recently converted onto dvd. Then in the afternoon, my folks and I went to the cemetary to visit the gravestones where my ancestors and little brother rest in peace. My mom and I then went to a temple to burn incents for my grandma on my mom's side. I felt as though my grandma was smiling and giving me such warm and positive energy when I made the visit. The memory of her great smile that she always shared with me whenever I returned to Japan and visited her came to my mind and I felt so warm and united with her invisible soul. I told her that I would continue working hard not only for the company but for my people. I also thanked her for protecting us and providing a sense of peace and comfort in our lives.

Then my mom and I went to the hair salon, and I got a hair cut. I just stylized a bit, so that I can have my hair down if I want to. I am amazed to see how the perm that I got early this May is still there giving my hair different shape than having a flat straight hair. LOL

Then we went to a book store and some shops (drug store etc).

We came home, I was very exhausted as I had about 3-4 hrs of sleep (but stayed awake to fix my jetlag and do some work), so I fell into sleep in the living room, woken up to a fabulous dinner, ate a little (my digestive system is a bit weird from long journey) and then went to bed by like 9-10pm. I woke up early this morning 5am to do some work :)

The executives are arriving at the Airport today, so I have to have some work done before meeting with them.

:) Peace and love, Kumi

Who do you think people mistake me for??

2005-11-27T04:41:00.000-05:00

Sooo after spending my whole afternoon trying to arrange flight tickets for the management staff for the company that I work for the Japan trip that is coming up in a week, all getting frustrated by a few complications that I encountered and all, a phone rung and it solved my day: my good friend, Tom called me offering me to go to his travel agent office to look after some of the problems that I was facing with. Thank God, he called me, because I was hesitated to contact him on a Saturday asking him for work related help that no one needs to deal with on the weekend, you know?

Anyway, I was able to leave for the gym to do some exercise to relieve my tensed up self and returned home with a great thai take out food for my roommate and myself (I was screaming in the flat and caused some negative emotions on him, which totally wasn't fair...I am sorry! :( :( ).

Anyhow, we ate good food, and I planned out my Sunday (busy day coming up!) and making sure that I will get to cover all that I need to do (work and personal) before my leave for Japan.

I am leaving for Japan on Saturday afternoon, so I plan on checking out this Joe Claussell party on Friday nite, party all nite and then come home, take shower and pack myself for the airport :) hehehehe (I like to do this as it is a great way to adjust my body clock 180 degree).

Anyway, I was debating whether to go and check out this Ron Trent party at 99 Sudbury that was re-opened yesterday! I was like: well, I gotta wake up early tomorrow, and I must do this and that. I wanted to go to my work to arrange some flowers, but I decided to leave that for Monday morning to give myself more time to cover all that I need to do tomorrow.

So I decided to go and check out Ron Trent, who is one of my fav producers, and whom I have never heard live before.

The party was FUN! A lot of familiar faces. Sweet music lovers unite! :) I love dancing with people who appreciate and love the same deep house music that I dig :)

After 3 hours of straight dancing, I decided it was time for me to come home, so I came home, took a nice bath, and decided to update my blog.

Overall, I am feeling much much better than 12 hours ago, and I think that doing things that I love absolutely put me back on the right mind set that I ideally stay no matter how difficult circumstances I may face in my life...

Ron Trent was great. He played *RON TRENT* type of music, nature sounding, organic and african. I absolutely dancing to his music. It felt like my spirits were lifted higher as I dance to his tunes. I am so very glad that I made it. I, however, concluded that he is a good producer (and not much of a DJ). Nevertheless, it was a bless to meet a soul that touched so many other souls in this planet with his amazing production work, you know??

By the way, in the past couple of weeks, a lot of people mistake me for Spanish. I asked all of them why, and they said it is because of my facial structure and feature. Interesting. I always thought I absolutely look Japanese. One person mentioned it is because of the way I dance. Interesting. Anyway, it will be interesting to see myself videotaped just like my childhood video clips that I have posted in my previous entry (a couple back I think), but it will just embarass me to see myself. Because I know I am such a sillyyyyy person. But I enjoy being pure me. Go pure Kumi GO :)

Gotta catch up some sleep. You all have a wonderful and productive Sunday!

Peace and love :)

Roy Davis Jr-No Show, David Morales-sucks ass

2005-11-13T00:12:00.000-05:00

I did not get to do much dancing on Sat nite, because the DJs that were opening up for the Roy Davis Jr just did not do it for me (too energetic urban house whose body language sort of reminded me of the DJ Super stah Greg.

Then a DJ who came up to me to introduce himself told me that Roy cancelled 2 hours ago, and wasn't gonna show, so my friends were out of this cheesy venue on Richmond street (clubby-clubb district).

Then when I was trying to get back to my friends, one guy stopped on my way out leaving the first club by grabbing my palms and said: "I was waiting for you. I saw you dance, and I just wanted to talk to you badly, but I lost you, so I was looking for you for the past 20 minutes.
What's your name??" LOL and that sort of made my day, cause it was mad funny (like he was mad serious and all).

Unfortunately, since I do not take people I meet at the clubs too seriously (unless I bump into them frequently at events that I participate) and I was in a hurry to get my crew out of the stupid club (LOL), I told him that I have to get going, but I appreciated his kind words and left him there.

I hope that he did not have any high expectations by courageously saying hi to me, cause althogh I may interact with them on a friendly level, I am not open to share too much of my personal info with strangers unless they make me feel homie, if you know what I mean...

Anyway, we went to the old BOA to check out David Morales with a bunch of people, but when we got there around 3:30am, David Morales wasn't even on the deck, and the guy who was opening for the show was playing some progressive stuff, which usually turns me off....so Nozomi and I were getting more and more tired by not really and fully enjoying our evening out. And even when David came on the DJ deck, he was playing some cheesy clubby music,that just did not do a magic to me. So Nozomi and I left the club leaving the rest of crew (LOL) there.

Although we indeed wasted a lot of our money by making stupid decisions without much investigations on the background of the events etc, I absolutely had a wonderful time with friends, especially with Nozomi. Yes, she rules :) and I am very grateful that I became friends with her. :)

Peace-

Tonite's Party: Roy Davis Jr.

2005-11-12T13:42:00.000-05:00

You know where to find me. See you there :)

PEACE!

Toronto-afterhours party!

2005-11-06T14:44:00.000-05:00

Sooooo it was my first weekend off in like....2 months? I had to go out and dance for sure!
I went to the gym and enjoyed using the steamroom for like 1/2 hour or so, came home, super hungry so made veal stroganoff for dinner, had a sip of sake and just fell into sleep (ended up taking a nap for 90 minutes or so).
I got up did some work for my little sister's assignment (more so a request), and the clock said *midnite*, I was like: "I gotta go and do my thing......"
So my new friend, Donald and I ended up going to this club called "dragonfly" where a collective of sweet deep house DJs used throw weekly Saturday nite events. But when we got there, the place was empty, and the music was...different.

We stayed there for a bit, and we figured that the boys were no longer throwing the event there anymore, and it was the first Saturday that they stopped their weekly events. We tried staying there, but the music (to my taste) sucked and I wasn't feeling the materialistic -we are all on *e*- type of vibe where every individual was in their own zone and not interacting with people around them but enjoying their highness. LOL

So we decided to go somewhere else (I insisted. LOL). The bartender there recommended us to go to this afterhour party on Elm street and Dundas. And we were ready to rock'nroll.
I raised my thumb up by the street for a taxi and the mid-size ban pulled over that gave us enough space to put our bikes! (just like that and it was a very great timing, because it just started raining really hard).

So here are some photos of the evening: I have not had such a fun time dancing my ass off until morning for like 5 years! It was such a blast! :)

God bless DEEP HOUSE MUSIC! :)-more photos to come-

My new JOB :)

2005-11-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

My first day at my new work was cool. I did some planning (travel arrangement) for my boss, and did work hard!

I know that it will be a little nervous job, because if I miss something or screw things up, it will have a huge effect on my boss and his partner (lawyer). So my first conclusion to do my job well: sleep well, do enjoy life (working out, meeting friends, being inspired, do my things)! so that my mind stays open to things that I should have my focus on (when tied up being busy, it is easy to forget things easily, you know? But when one is fully enjoying life, it permits creative mind to rock'roll, and human often does some crazy things, don't you think? LOL).

I already know that I will be going to Japan in early December for an event in Chiba (near Tokyo). My boss said that we should also visit my folks at the restaurant, eat good food and rest in a traditional Japanese housing, so my folks are very excited about it :)

I am also excited!! but before we go, there is a lot of work and planning to do, so I will keep my focus and continue working hard! :)

The people at work is overall, nice and considerate people, who are intelligent, got a unique personality and are plucky (a new word that my boss taught me LOL).

My boss took all of us out for a drink to welcome me to the team, so we went out to a nearest pub from work. My boss has such a great sense of humour, and I love it how he talks and teases us just like my friends (in 20s-early 30s) do. LOL

So all of us kept laughing and enjoyed our little get together. :)

My boss is an intelligent business man, who is athletic, got a great sense of humour and courage and adventurous personality. He drives the black jaguar. It totally suits him. Speakingof jaguar, I think jauar will also suits my personality ("go get it, tigar!;) ) too. LOL So one day, if I ever have a lot of money to spend on a car, I may get a red jaguar too (will see).

I feel very lucky that I am blessed with good people and a challenging career.
I hope to work hard to progress and share my gaining with others :)

I can not believe that I am having my weekend off, and although I am a little confused as to what to do utilizing my freedom right now (was tied up for soooo long. lol), I think going to the gym and do my thing will once energize me and allows me to appreciate all that I have in my life. God I am so thankful! Thank you for all and everything! :)

happy halloween!

2005-10-31T13:17:00.000-05:00

my weekend was spent hitting up a local club on Friday nite with Nozomi and checking out a private halloween party at someone's loft on Queen street east!(not to mention both of us worked both on Friday, Saturday and Sunday! LOL).

It was a lot of fun. I am looking forward to seeing some photos that Nozomi took! Once I get them, I plan on posting on my blog.

I decided to wear my leopard dress to work today (again-cause I wore it on Sat nite too LOL)!

Happy Halloween, everyone! I gotta go work now.
Peace and hugs,

Kumi

re-evaluating my career path and positive changes

2005-10-29T11:27:00.000-04:00

I was recently contacted by a local head-hunter for a bilingual Japanese executive assistant position for a microchip technology company, and I have been doing alot of evaluation in terms of *the ideal career path* to help me not only grow as a person, but being able to serve others.

When I think about what I seek in career, the most important aspect when making a career decision which is to serve people remains the same even after many years of different career experience.

And lately, I realized how it is very important for me to help my family before serving the people in the society. Sure, the balance is the key, but I feel I have been too self centered, being interested in my personal progression (well, that was the stage of life that I was going thru), and not thinking too much of what I could have done to help my own people.

I became interested in the catering/event manager position in the restaurant business, because I thought that it would hep me cultivate the path to opening a restaurant here in North America.

As you may already know, my family has a family restaurant business that has been running over 80 years in Japan, and because of that, I was able to come overseas at the age of 15 to study English. Unfortunately at the moment, no one is to continue the business over there (all of their daughters are here in N. America), so I have been hoping to establish a new root but in the same industry to continue our family tradition. And in my mind, I was picturing myself to open the business in the next 3-5 years.

But recently, I got a wake up call.

If I do not get to help my parents now, I am not even sure if what I am doing right now will lead me to get where I need to be in 3-5 years.

So what is it that I need or want to do right now?

I want my parents to give some of their responsibilities to me. They still look after my youngest sister who goes to high school in Vancouver, BC.

Because of that they continue to work, although they would (I think) like to retire and try something new and exciting (they are very eager and mentally young adults who started snowboarding after turning 50! And my dad is training to become a snowboarding instructor! Yes, I got my humble personality from my dad ;) ), and I know that they deserve to explore their life more while they are physically healthy and young!

So I have been thinking: if I get the bilingual executive assistant position, I will not only get to see my family during international business trips (which I know bring them some good happy times), but help my dad by supporting my youngest sister financially even a little bit...

And if I do get to start helping my family now, I may get a better understanding of my own self and the purposes of my life better, which will definitely help me in terms of turning my own dreams come true, you know?

And guess what!

I heard from the head-hunter yesterday and I am now offered the position by beating up another candidate with much stronger career background!!

How did I do it?

Well, there was a pdf file that summarized the company profile (and their products) in their website.

I used the given information and made a presentation of it, but in the language of Japanese to show my translation skill (as well as my presentation skill).

I knew that I had to make a great impact during the second job interview, and although I was busy with my current job responsibility, I stayed up until 4am to complete the presentation file and brought the file burned onto a cd-rom to the job interview this past Wednesday!

Needless to say, the president and the executive were impressed with my initiative and my eager attitude.

And I was told that they really like my diverse career background (have worked for manufacturing, educational and hospitality industry) and my humble, determined and responsible personality! :) And so they decided to hire me as their team member! YES!!! YES!!! YES!! I did it! :)

So yes, it is official that I am going to work as a bilingual Japanese executive assistant starting next Friday! And this is very exciting to me, because I feel that I have finally obtained a career that I can be very proud of and have the potential to grow (as a career woman) and at the same time allow me to help my own people!! (yes! Finally!!)

So although the idea of leaving my current company suddens me a little (people were very nice and generous), I feel that this will cause a good change for my family and myself.

You know, things have been kinda difficult for me since last fall losing my personal identity.

I literally had to learn how to live from the scratch.

But because of that, I can appreciate the each given day as a gift,

And it makes me super happy to know that I really mean things that I speak right now, being truly truthful to my own life philosophy and appreciating all that is given to me from the bottom of my heart. I feel that because I learned how to appreciate the life in an ultimate way, all these lucky things are arriving in my life.

So I just wanted to give my people my wonderful news and share my immense positive energy that is fuelled in my body and soul!

Thank you so much, guys (you know whom I referring to!) for being there for me and being such a great support and inspiration.

I promise that I will continue trying to inspire you guys in everything that I do in my life :)

Peace and love! thanks so much for reading!

making up for tomo's b-day and some precious video clips from my childhood!

2005-10-27T02:48:00.000-04:00

today was my day off! yes! gotta do my things while I can. This is the lesson I learned after obtaining my current job as a catering/event manager for a company that has a few different operations at the air canada center.

anyway, Oct 19th was my really good friend, Tomomi's b-day.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to spend the day with her to cerebrate it, because of my tight schedule at work, so I tried to make it up for it tonite.

You know the horseradish crust salmon dish that I made the other nite for Ilya turned out soo great?! I tried it again because I thought Tomomi deserves to try it!

This time better photos were taken, so here we go:

Tomomi's friend, Minori came over so our little b-day cerebration make up turned into a girl's time off eating tasty food and watching this dvd that i recently received from my dad full of old video films that he recorded of my sister and my childhood.

I am uploading some clips online, so not all of it maybe available right at the moment, but here we go: enjoy watching a little kumi run around places :)

this clips shows my oldest memory ever in my life-dressing up in special costume for my little brother's funeral when I was 2-3, I lost my little brother by an accident. I remember seeing my family crying sooooo much, and I had no idea what really happened, but I knew something very upsetting and sad happened. So I cried very hard with my family too. It was very hard to let him go, but he is always with us in our heart and soul. I think of him when I do my cardio and try to live my life as fulfillingly as I can for myself and for him also. In this clip, you see my older sister and myself wearing the special costume with a special make up on. You will also get to see an typical Japanese living room setting in the background. I am so glad that my dad filmed and kept this. I think that he bought the video camera to actually record this event.
of me at the age of 3 wearing kimono with my sister
dancing in kimono at the age of 3!!! LOL
run little kumi run
playing with my grandma's brother (haccho-ji no oji-chan)
elevator girl in training I grew up in the suburb, so when my grandma took me to huge department stores in tokyo and saw the elevator ladies assisting people to get on the elevator, I was inspired! and instantly wanted to become one. Apparently, I put my pre-school hat on my head, wore my first pair of groves and pretended to be one by the sliding door of the living room. Here you will see a little Kumi very hesitated first but proudly representing the youngest elevator girl exist in the world :)
entry to an elementary school: after returning from the first day at my school

sweet sound, sweet energy vibrating into my body, giving me big smiles on my face

2005-10-25T23:29:00.000-04:00

http://grooveparlor.com/index.htm

Please listen to Cordell Johnson: http://grooveparlor.com/audio/grooveparlor/cordelljohnson-wickerparkfunk.ram

I just can not get enough of his shite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The way I put it: "if you listen to his music, your wildest dreams will come true (by Pedro)" ;)

Mad respect, love, and appreciation go to Cordell Johnson! Woo HOO!

ilya's b-day

2005-10-25T11:42:00.000-04:00

my roommate, ilya took a day off from work, so I was able to spend his b-day morning with him. Thusly, i made a b-day breakfast for him and myself...

wishing you the bestest wishes for such a sweet-heart, Ilya. May your new chapter be fulfilled with loads of happiness, joy, peace, excitement and growth :) Peace and love, Kumi

cerebrating ilya's b-day

2005-10-24T11:45:00.000-04:00

Today was my day off yes!!!
I went out last nite and had a fabulous time with Nozomi and people that I became friends with.
Everyone was sharing such great vibes with me, and I had such a blast!!

Anyway, I came home around 4am and went to bed like 5am, so I did not wake up until afternoon. LOL But after working for 6 days straight, I really needed the sleep and relaxation in my bed. LOL

I went to take care of some errands and got a delicious looking chocolate cake from my neighbor bakery cafe that is very popular among posh looking young and old ladies. Well, they do sell some fancy desserts (not cheap), and I have tried some of their tarts and shortbread cookies, and I must say that I do love their fine elegant tasting sweets. So I decided to get a cake for my roommate, Ilya's b-day from that shop. I said "we deserve to try something much fancy from the shop! LOL".

Then my roommate and I had a cup of tea and shared a tart. It was delicious. My god, I should have taken a photo of the tart. It was a fig tart, and it looked soo pretty too! Anyway, it was a perfect tasting dessert for my day off. :)

I then went to a nearest postal office to get my percel from my sister who was recently back in Japan and brought some of my winter clothings for me.

The percel was HUMONGUS. I am very thankful for my family for their support in sending me my winter gear. Anyway, while the postal officer went in the back to get my stuff, this old gentleman who bought over 100 dollar worth of postal related products stuffed some of the stamps arranged on the counter into his bag (stealing).

So when the office returned, I was like: "Excuse me, sir (to the officer). Is this thing for sale? Cause I saw this gentleman putting a couple of that into his bag while you went to get my percel".

The officer looked at the gentleman sharply and proceeded to check his bag that was on the counter.

"You have not paid for this yet, so would you like to make a payment right now?"
The gentleman: "Urm, well, not at this time". and he just disappeared.

"What a loser. I mean, you were showing off your bills from your wallet, and you decide not to pay for a thing when you fail to get it for free? Give me a fucking break". I thought. (haha, I sound such a bitch). LOL

I just thought it is such a pity how there are people who try to get everything that they maybe able to, in a given scenario like that. Speaking of this, this incidence just reminded me of the hurricane Katrina hitting Texas and causing a major flood in the city, because I saw some young kids stealing things from the department stores etc. on one of the internet news.

When I saw that, I felt: "Wow, these kids who were left behind in the city unable to leave must have had no chance to actually own anything like that before...yeah, let them touch those things at least one time in their life time"....

And this thought hit me: "am I being such a racist by having different kind of opinions and reactions towards people from different class??" Yes, I think so. And I felt guilty for realizing my own false (rich shall not steal, but poor a'right, cause they have no choice!??).
I just wanted to post a note about it.

Anyway, I then went to buy a few things at the mall, went to the gym and did my 1 hour cardio, bought some grocery and came home to make a special dinner for my roommate who has a b-day on Oct 24th (tomorrow).

Since I would be stuck at work until late at nite, I had decided to make a great dinner for him tonite. Plus, it was my day off, so I thought I deserve to do something I truly enjoy as well.

:)

So here we go, these are a few photos of things that I prepared. Since we had a late dinner (my roommate did not come home until late, as I never told him abou the dinner), we had only two dishes, but it was just very fulfilling in many ways. :)

Horseladish Crusted Salmon:

It was absolutely delicious!
I will make it again! The bedding for salmon is dilled cucumber and carrot, which actually matched with the salmon very much. I made Grain Mustard Sauce (lemon juice, butter, olive oil, sour cream, dijion mastard, dill, chive, salt, black pepper and sugar) and it was just perfect. Something light but just right. I was very pleased with this dish as it brightened the flavour of each ingredients that I used, and they all played a magic in a plate. I felt that this was such a magical dish, and it was just perfect for my roommate's b-day (pre-) cerebration.

I also made butter-mushroom-rice, rosemary potatoes and sauteed broccoli and carrot. The photo is kinda blurry, but they tasted fine too :)

We had a shot of Russian Liquor along with our supper, and shared a fig tart that I had purchased from the fancy cafe. I bought my favorite, Aveda tea (comforting) in the late afternoon, so we had a cup of its tea with the tart.

Tonight I truly spoiled myself by spending time doing things that I truly enjoy (cooking and making someone feel happy and special), and fulfilling myself with the colorful and flavourful meal. I really hope that one day, I can bring my cooking skills one step higher than where it stands right now. Although I used to and am still interested in having my own restaurant in future, for now, I just hope to have more personal time to manifest my own creativity and passion in cooking by hosting friends for nice meals like this in near future :)

Thank you for reading!

Music of the evening: "Can you feel it?" by Larry Heard

2005-10-15T20:57:00.000-04:00

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/Mr. Fingers (Larry Heard) - Can U Feel It (Robert Owens Voca.mp3

I love this song the best in all the songs that I adore.

Just the best.

Because the sound and lyrics just reflect the person ME.

The energy in this music is something I feel INSIDE of ME when I do something very passionate, feeling high running, dancing or making love to someone you dearly love.

Just drives you crazy inside, you know? Like crazy energy explodes inside you!!!

HOT SHITEEEEEEE

Cordell Johnson

2005-10-13T22:56:00.000-04:00

Please listen to Cordell Johnson, an amazing DJ from Chicago: http://dhpmixes.com/mixes/0905cordell.mp3

This mix made me want to move to Chicago once again.
Music like his keeps me inspired. and maybe that is what I need to stay true to whom I want to be.
I love the intensity of his mix sooo much.

Listening to his mix helps me let go of my negative emotions, dance my ass off expressing my feelings I gain from music and feel super great afterwords (I love feeling the moment where I am manifesting my true self thru my actions).

Seeing other people doing their things professionally, I really gotta do something about my LIFE too!

Mad respect goes to CORDELL JOHNSON.
I sooo wish to one day dance to your music set LIVE.
I know I will in near future. :)

and I am excited for such future :) :) :)

LIFE

2005-10-13T21:37:00.000-04:00

I have had such a drama-week.
Where to begin? I do not know.
But it is very important for me to let my thoughts out of my mind to better understand myself, so I am typing having my lap top on my lap as I lean over the wall by my bed.

[WORK]
I continue to cover long hour labour, working 10-12 hours/day and 60 hrs and more/week.
I get a half day off and it is rare for me to get a full day off without doing any activity related to work right now.
Managerial role means more responsibility, but do I enjoy taking care of work inquiries via my mobile even during your time off?? Well, you know my answer: not really. LOL

I tend to spend my off physically recovering.
Taking care of my personal errands. Grocery shopping and buying things that I need to take good care of myself.
I barely have time to do inspirational things anymore.
But I try to engage in activities that I enjoy even during such busy schedule to bring me a sense of joy and happiness that I know I deserve. Change in my given life style is also healthy too, you know?

I find my current job situation quite challenging, because things are very very disorganized.
At first I found it very interesting how things were getting organized with my hard work, but I am physically and mentally getting burnt out that I am losing flexibility to accept the sudden challenge in the most positive manner. I get frustrated and gain negative emotions like anger sometime, and I do not like it, because I do not define negative emotions as something to identify my character.

I am trying to create a good structure and systems installed in this organization.
But the person I work closely with continues to sort of create problems, sort of destroying the established systems. I guess I can say that it is a test-run period right now to see how the systems that I have established work well with others, but the bottom line is that as long as he does not change the way he handles the incoming work inquiries, I know, I will be expected to work such crazy hours due to an unproductive way of coordinating things.

The other day, I slipped on the floor (slippery and wet floor) on my way to deliver a beautifully arranged sushi tray to a client.
I hit my elbow and my head badly. For a moment, I zoned out and did not know what had just happened because of the shock.
People came up to me to help me stand up and realized what just happened.

People asked me to help me get to the area where I could receive medical treatment right away. But as I saw the smashed sushi on the tray, and myself knowing I got injured, I got so angry.
Although people were worried about my physical condition, I was more curious to talk to the person who was in charge of the floor cleanliness maintenance.

"who is responsible for maintaining this floor?"
"let me talk to the person right now".

I must have scared off some people because of my intensity asking for someone in authority when I had to worry about my physical health too.

I was taken to the customer service area where I reported the accident and received some medical treatment right away.

As soon as I shared my concern (what if this happened to some fans or my staff??), I felt so sad and had some tears fall off my cheeks. Finally I came to worry about my physical health and settled down emotionally.

Now that I think of this incidence, I wonder if this has something to do with my previous life threatening experience where I got physically damaged. Because otherwise, how would you explain my instant anger towards such a thing happening to me?

Since experiencing the accident, I have been feeling quite down. Kind of depressed.

It seems as though my past experience shaped me not to tolerate any physical harm that one does not deserve.

But I now know that I can not blame someone for some accident happening like this. It was not intentional afterall.

Anyway, now, my neck is hurting and my elbow is a little swollen and bruised.
But the positive aspect of this accident is that I had my pony tail on my upper part of my head, cause it helped me not hit my head too bad, you know???

I still have the healthy brain to write out what happened. so I feel I am lucky....

[LIFE]
I continue to ask what I want to do in my life.
I wonder if I could turn my personal interests into a career.
I day dream of having a serious dance lessons to better express myself.
But as long as I continue to work such crazy long hour work, I do not get to have time to do things that I am interested in neither.
So then, what is it that I want in my life?????

I want to feel that I belong to things that I feel passionate about.
I want to express my SELF to friends and family that I care.
I want to have the time to work out daily, time to welcome guests for tasty meals.
I want to have the time to engage in the deephousemusic scene more. I am super interested in the housedancing scene.
I want to feel I belong to the things that I feel passionate about.

So what do I want?
TIME AND ABILITY TO APPLY MY CREATIVITY.

Although I must look aftermyself financially having a decent paying job, I need to find solutions for my current job situation so that I will get to have the TIME and ABILITY to APPLY MY CREATIVITY MORE.

Gotta take some actions NOW.

Off to do my thing shaking my bootie on the dance floor. See you later LOVE :)

Kumi

When people reveals their true motives and personality...

2005-10-08T11:24:00.000-04:00

and they turned out to be superficial and materialistic,

It sucks, and I lose my modest personality and become less cooperative and understanding, because I do not agree with such human behavour and it makes me feel angry when I noticed myself being taken advantage of (rant rant ran rant swearing rant)!!!

You know, I can keep my patience and ability to accept other people for who they are, but if they intentionally take advantage of others, my feminist part of me kicks in: middle finger YOU!! LOL

I came home at 2am yesterday.
I was going to leave the office by 12am, so that I would still have the time to party up and do my thing shaking my bootie on the dance floor showering myself with great deephouse tunes and what not.

Well, I did not, why?

Cause someone does not better use their time productively that I ended up wasting my time to do a simple work that can be done in a couple minutes only if a clear instruction was given at first.

Yes, you must have felt it. I am loaded with negative emotions right now, so you better not irritate me, cause I will burn you with my anger right now.

......

Sigh.

You know, I fucking need to go to the gym to get rid of my negative emotions, but after 4 hours of sleep and still having some work to do before heading down to a venue for an event this early afternoon, I have no idea how I will deal with this situation in a long term, cause I am turning into a bitter person.......

HELP needed. Tonite, I will go and dance, no sleep and go to work for a meeting and come home and take care of my personal needs. that will make me at least a bit happier...

*determined* Kumi

How do you pronounce "ISAC"

2005-10-06T00:44:00.000-04:00

Today was a hell busy day, but we worked really well as a team, and I am very glad with the turn out, although we had three new staff in our team and I was too busy instructing key points while supervising overall production.

Here is a funny story of the nite.

There is a staff (Chinese oriented) whose name is ISAC.
Whenever I call him: "I-zac", he corrects me: "I-suck".

One of the Japanese staff asked me what his name was, so I told him how he always corrects me and wants me to call him: "I-suck", then I burst into a loud laugh, because, well you know. LOL

The supervisor who was at the center checking us out started laugh with me, while two Japanese female staff did not get the joke until I explained it to them.

LOL

Oh man oh man. I will have red cheeks whenever I call his name from now and on. LOL
dirty girl-you may think I am, well, I am a perv. LOL :D

sunday!

2005-10-03T01:01:00.000-04:00

Today, I woke up feeling rather fatigued.
Must be the stress/pressure that I dealt with working at our new kitchen at ACC (air canada center).

Yesterday, we were in a situation where we might end up losing the spot if we did not meet the standard by those executives of ACC, so my boss and I were somewhat tensed (nervous) making sure everything was taken care of smoothly, while there were endless of items to control and manage. The current situation is that all of us are NEW, so we work and learn new things once at a time. So far I am very blessed with good staff that have positive and flexible attitude and ability to provide me some good feedback and perspectives. But a couple staff that were hired recently by the company did rather create issues that I prefer not to even deal with (disappearing and not showing up at work and provided phone number going out of service), so it was quite stressful for me. sigh.

Wednesday is going to be a big nite for us. The start of the hockey season, so it will be mega busy!!! and I have a lot of work to take care of. I really *hope* that we can take care of staffing before then though..so people, please wish me good luck :) hehe

Hey, the other nite, the executive chef, Ryo-san prepared such amazing course menu for our valued customers. Please enjoy the presentation and beauty of his dishes as below:

I am truly blessed that I get to be inspired and stimulated seeing amazing creations as these though! Thanks very much, Ryo-san!

reflecting

2005-10-01T01:27:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks were spent mostly taking care of my new career responsibility as an event/catering manager for a company that owns two separate Japanese restaurants.

Tonite, I was supposed to go out, but I came home disappointed as I was stuck at work until midnite and knowing that I would not be able to wake up early enough if I did make the decision to still go out and do *my thing* tonite....

Looking at my work schedule, I do not know when I would get to go and check out some sweet deephouse music next (or yet alone the opportunity to take a complete off for a day or two).

Although I love what I do for my work and I am blessed with the people that I work with, when I start looking into other needs that I have in my life, I find myself questioning: "what is it that I need in my life? What do I need to fulfill myself as a person????"

You know, my daily work out doing my cardio absolutely brings me a clear realization that I am given this life again. I often gain feelings such as "I am given another chance (a day) to live. How would I want live my day to fullfill it so that I will be happy eternally to go into the next world when my time comes??"

And usually, I have a wonderful day throughout the day and I forget how physically tired I maybe after having a long hour work, because everything that is given to me is ultimately a gift, and I must appreciate it fully (opportunity to work, opportunity to share my skills, ideas, creativities, initiatives etc).

But when I become alone, elements that are not fulfilled come into my mind wondering and questioning me when I will spend the energy to fulfill their needs. Maybe because I have covered such long hour work since I had my day off last time...

I miss spending time with my friends.
I miss having the time to go to kensington market and china town for my cooking.
I miss having hearty meal from in the morning.
I miss eating nice brunch with my roommate on the weekend.
I miss meeting up with my friends to chat and share whatever goes around in our minds and endlessly talk about some theories on energy/spirituality etc.
I miss.....feeling that I belong to the nature around me.

I think that I need to learn how to appreciate the given moment of time in each different picture slide that I live in. I could still appreciate my time riding on my bike from and to the gym as I pass through a road where you have humoungus trees on each side of the road, even it is for a short period of time.

I wished that I could make some arrangements with friends early in advance, so that I could manage to see them more frequently than letting a week go by without seeing any of them :(
But due to the nature of my work (a role in the management group), I must prioritize the emergent needs there, and it seems as though there is always a new business coming along our way and I would need to spend extra hours investigating on the background, objective, strategy, statistics etc...staring on the computer for hours and hours, and this is amazing career wise, but when I look into my needs to spend my friends, I become......sad..

My friends are my family.
I need to see them.
I need to spend time with them.
I need to share some smiles/laughters/bright ideas/insightful perspectives/positive energy with them.

Sigh. you know, and yes, I know I am going into the circle here, but I think I need to spend time with my friends.

Ange- I miss you girl. Where the hell are you when I need to go dancing or urban outfitters to try on some skirts in the change rooms together????? :(

****cool female friends into GOOD deephouse music in demand....I need to have some girly time right now!!!!!******

DAWN-I so wisheddd you were in T-dot! (or myself in Vancouver).
I miss my sisters--------it would be kinda dope if I could see them even they may tease me sometime for my geekyness.. LOL

TOMO- I wish to see you freaking SOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

LLORCA-NEWCOMER

2005-09-30T13:42:00.000-04:00

The music that I am crazy about:

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/01 - The novel Sound.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/02 - Indigo Blues.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/03 - Lights Behind Windows.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/04 - I Cry (Original Mix).mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/05 - Any How.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/06 - True To Me.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/07 - Lalo Caught Me Dancing.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/08 - My Precious Thing.mp3

http://www.soulmanifesto.net/audio/llorca%20-%20newcomer/09 - The End.mp3

ENJOY :) and yay, I am excited about going out dancing to check out dirty dale tonite!! hehehehehe
God bless personal time! :)

my day off on sunday...sweet

2005-09-26T04:03:00.000-04:00

i had a pretty productive day today.
i woke up feeling quite refreshed, although I stayed up quite late the nite before dancing up in a storm at a local club.

i had a quick hunger fix and proceeded to take a bath and clean the entire apartment. Although I took care of my laundry, I decided to wash some stuff more (kitchen mattress etc) today.

then later at 3pm-ish, I got on my bike andwent to shopping at winners and zara-two of my favorite shopping spots. Then I came back home early enough to get to the gym at 5pm for my 1 hr and 45 minutes work out :) I listened to a mix by a person known to me, and what can I say? wow, it sounds very groovy! lol no wonder his production work is on the Osunlade label right now (remix). I had a great cardio listening to great music :) and it always makes me happy to have a good cardio session for the day.

Then I went to a grocery shopping, where it was flooded by humans! lol Some sections/shelves at the store were emptied and had no inventory. Had no idea how so many people decided to rush into the store, but oh well, i got my produce there and came home and made some beef teriyaki stir-fry with loads of mushroom...hmmm tasted very yummy.

I then marinated some chicken to make orange chicken tomorrow, and organized my room a little. I did over 3 hours worth of work at my desk to prepare myself for the upcoming week. It will be busy! and I am excited to know how my preparation will pay off :)

It is my grandma's b-day today in Japan (Sep 25, 2005), so I stayed up late to give her a call on her mobile. She was very surprised to hear my voice, and initially did not believe that it was me. LOL but she sounded very happy that I called her. We talked about my new job, and her life there in Japan. She asked me how my best friend has been doing, so yeah, if you were reading this, you should know that there is someone (from my family) that is thinking of you ;) LOL

It is quite late already now, so I will go and sleep now, but I wanted to update my journal to cerebrate my productive day that I had today..It's such an awesome feeling when you get to complete all the things that you wanted to do during the given hour in the day though :) woo hoo. I will try to have productive work flow this coming week also.

peace and love always, kumi

phew

2005-09-25T04:17:00.000-04:00

well, some of you might have been wondering where the hell I had disappeared to.. it is not that i did not want to update my blog and it's just that i did not even had the time to do it~~~~~

some may say: "oh, that's something new" LOL
but it's for real that I was working for like 60-70 hrs/week in the past two weeks without normal weekend off. For a person that used to work in the 9-5 office environment, the nature of my work sort of shook me a little at first, cause I had no idea when I would be able to get sometime off even to take care of some personal things, but now it's been over two weeks since I started my job, I got kind of used to it now...

This weekend, luckily, there were no events happening, so I could sleep in a little this morning, and went into work for a meeting with my boss and the executive chef at the restaurant. My boss kindly gave me a lift home, so I went to do some laundry (the laundry machine at my apartment sucks) in my neighborhood, grabbed a piece of pizza for my dinner (meah) and came home deciding whether to go out dancing or not.

Well, it has been way tooooooooo long since I went out for dancing, so I said to myself: "if not tonite, I wouldnot even know when I could go out next", and called up my dancing all nite long buddy and we went out. I thought that John Beltran was in the house tonite, but a phone call from my friend proved me wrong when he said: "I do not think this is the place that we were supposed to be tonite". I was about to leave the place and was having my soho and orange juice as I talked to him, and did a quick research once again. Dang. It was YESTERDAY and not on SATURDAY NITE>>>>> :(((((( I felt so aweful learning that my friend already paid to get inside at this club that was having top british pop of some sort. I offered to pay him back the cost and for the cover to the place that we both agreed to go. So we went out to footwork, where some local deephouse djs were playing.

I got there at like 12:45am, and the crowd definitely wasn't a typical deephouse peeps, but people were having good time, so it was fun watching people enjoying themselves on the dance floor. It has been way too long since I went out dancing and actually *danced my ass off*, so not sure how I would dance..but as time went by, I became more relaxed and actually started enjoying dancing on the floor. Towards the end of the nite, a girl came up to me asking me to teach her how I dance etc..it was such a sweet compliment, and it always makes me feel kinda flattered whenever people approach me like that at a club (especially straight girls, cause I know that they are not trying to get something off me like some straight horny dudes may do..lol)..so I told her to just feel the music, and imagine how you want to dance with the music and move your body..we dance a little together, and it was very FUN :) I love to dance with people!!

So I was very glad that I got my ass off the bed and went out tonite. :)
I feel very energized after doing something that I feel very passionate about. I decided to keep this in my blog, so that I will try to make time to go out more frequently even I may have to work the next day, cause nothing can beat the power of energizing oneself by doing something so passioate and exciting you know!! :) anyway, hope you all are having great weekend!

tomorrow, I want to do some grocery shopping, cleaning, shopping and writing letters to my family and friends. Peace and love always, Kumi

1step closer to my dream

2005-09-10T09:23:00.000-04:00

Well, I would like to announce to all my friends and loved ones that I was recently given and have accepted this great job opportunity to work as a supervisor for a company for their launch of restaurant at an Air Canada Center (loads of concerts are held there and we will be providing catering services etc there) and supervision of stuff in two other restaurants they have in Toronto.

Yes, I know! I am one step closer to my ultimate dream to open, own and manage my own restaurant as an extension of the restaurant that my family has been running for over 80 years, and this is very exciting to me!!

Life is funny.

Because everything fell into the right place, as soon as I have determined to stay true to who I was and made a commitment to take any necessary actions to turn my dreams come true.

I did not have the courage to explore my opportunities to work in the restaurant management business, because I felt that such things are usually taken care of within the owner's network of people and never advertised in public, you know? So I accepted such fact as that and continued looking for jobs in the corporate companies. Stupid, I know, but very lucky, cause I just got what I wanted, I tell you ;)

Growing up seeing my parents working in the restaurant socializing with the customers and accommodating them with Japanese serving skills and manner, I think that this *serving people* in the restaurant business is in my blood. Although I am interested in the management side, I believe that one needs to understand what needs to be taken care of in the order to present ourselves professionally, serve customers providing them a precious restaurant experience that could brighten up their day/spirits, you know?

But the reality is, I do not have much deep understanding and experience working in the Canadian restaurant business. I must know how it works and its challenges.

I feel that working with the owner of the restaurant (a very warm hearted Jewish gentleman) and the chief cook (humble Japanese cook whose hard work that I admire and respect) will bring more than what the money can buy. I already learned and gained something very inspiring and passionate just by talking to them.

The energy is right. I feel the door has finally opened for me. and I feel that all the experience that I have had in the past were only the preparationary thing for me to get where I am right now :) I feel that I am now ready to explore my adventure pursuing my dreams working in the restaurant business and this is very exciting to me. I am very thankful for this, and will devote my passion, energy and soul into the project and can't wait to see myself, our team and the company growing in near future!!!

:)

Today is my first day. I am about to head to the gym and get ready for my day.

You all have a wonderful day. Life is what you make out of, and we have our powerful minds to turn everything into the positive!

Peace and love,

Kumi

"I feel absolutely fabulous!!"

2005-09-07T01:54:00.000-04:00

I had such a fabulous day!
Great news with a lot of career opportunities that are coming on my way.
Until things are settled, I shall keep it personal and confidential, but things are looking GREAT :)

Most importantly, I had such great meetings with a couple gentlemen who shared similar idealism and passion for carrer (business) and personal development with my own. While talking to them, it brought such great sense of comfort, assuring me to stay who I am. I have been doubtful about it (staying true to who I am), because of a difficult time cultivating a path to my ultimate career having had not so much luck in gaining the opportunities that I would drool on. But it is also true how I have only recently became empowered by insightful comments and feedback by people who shared a similar vision on life philosophy, so I can not claim that things have been that difficult, because I have not been sticking to my own true calling for so long!!! LOL (no complaining if no actions taken! ;) )

But now that I feel very much tuned with my own inner self, I feel much stronger, empowered and fully aware about changes that go thru within me and in my life, and I feel GREAT, because I know I can accept the reality and adapt to it with my flexible mind and open attitude and heart :)

Starting this week, my gym is having a member appreciation week.
And a lot of new adult fitness classes are having demonstrations as well.

Today I participated in the Jazz dance and NIA class.

The Jazz class was fun, but after taking the NIA class, I was blown away and felt: "this is what I have been waiting for!! this is soooo my stuff!!!!!"

For those who do not know NIA, please visit this website that gives you a great overview of this fitness medicine :) and it is important that you understand its philosophy to fully understand this spiritually nurturing and highly touching experience that I had.

The instructor gave us an oral description of NIA in the first 5 minutes of our 30 minutes demonstration, and started the class.

During the exercise, she would encourage us to feel the space and our body, and gather specific emotions that we experience on our daily basis as a human. We gathered negative emotions and threw them away by engaging in vocal expressions and through many different bodily movements. We also nurtured and healed our spirituality by acknowledging our self respect and love.

During the class, the instructor's instructions and warm messages were so touching that I became emotional and felt like crying. I also felt that I have been exercising alone for way too long. I discovered a joy of self-nuturing and healing with others by openly sharing our true emotions.

Towards the end of the class, we did a little exercise to empower ourselves as women. The instructor asked us to repeat after her, and we loudly claimed ourselves to be: "strong, aleart, aware, conscious, feeling gorgeous and fabulous and sexy". :)

I felt that NIA would help me develop and improve my body launguage and movements to express my emotions to myself and with others.

I got so interested in this that I am curious to learn more and find ways to practice it on my own. But I am very determined to enroll in this NIA class now (not so much sure about Jazz after participating in this NIA class and realizing that I like more of cultural body movements), so I hope that enough people will show their interests by next Tuesday.

Peace and love,

Kumi

Insightful Comment for Daily Life Decision Making...

2005-09-05T02:07:00.000-04:00

Below is a very insightful comment that was given to me upon making my career decision.
I thought that the commenter ROCKS and wanted to keep it in my own blog for me to reflect on whenever I may need to do so later on whenever making any kind of important life decisions.

I personally think in times like these you have to find a balance between the two (learning to tilt the scale towards the side you are passionate about). Spiritual consciousness should come first in any situation you approach. But there will be times you have to do things to survive (food, shelter, transportation). Getting a regular job isnt less spiritual than owning your own business. It's the type of job that matters. If it's a thing you are struggling with being on your conscious then you have to pass or sacrifice for a better momentary situation. Always view life as your last chance to find and act upon your "purpose". Everyone can attain a car, house, whats considered a good job but will you be that person that is an impact on inspiring others, promoting positive change, leaving behind a great name/legacy and most of all expressing yourself freely with out constraints. Times are hard for all of us at this moment. I think this is the time your spirituality has to be nutured do to so much tradegy, evil spirited acts, natural phenomena and economic depression. Remember all good things come to those who wait and put their hearts/souls into. Compromise enough to surive but invest in what you are spiritually connect to. You are human before anything. Meaning your net worth, riches, status quo acceptance as being "successful", material assets, and status are things rated by a man made system. On a meta-physical & spiritual thing they mean nothing. You do need to survive in a world that practices a rating system. But inner happiness which reflects outward is more than this and shouldn't be looked over for no one, nobody or anything..

Thank you very much, Shannon for sharing your wisdom with me. Peace and love,
Kumi

New Orleans

2005-09-05T00:59:00.000-04:00

Subject: Notes from New Orleans Friday, 4 p.m.
Sent: Saturday, September 3, 2005 5:22 AM Very interesting read from someone who has directly experienced the strife and has just composed this letter...

Notes From Inside New Orleans

by Jordan Flaherty

Friday, September 2, 2005

I just left New Orleans a couple hours ago. I traveled from the apartment I was staying in by boat to a helicopter to a refugee camp. If anyone wants to examine the attitude of federal and state officials towards the victims of hurricane Katrina, I advise you to visit one of the refugee camps.

In the refugee camp I just left, on the I-10 freeway near Causeway, thousands of people (at least 90% black and poor) stood and squatted in mud and trash behind metal barricades, under an unforgiving sun, with heavily armed soldiers standing guard over them. When a bus would come through, it would stop at a random spot, state police would open a gap in one of the barricades, and people would rush for the bus, with no information given about where the bus was going. Once inside (we were
told) evacuees would be
told where the bus was taking them - Baton Rouge, Houston, Arkansas, Dallas, or other locations. I was told that if you boarded a bus bound for Arkansas (for example), even people with family and a place to stay in Baton Rouge would not be allowed to get out of the bus as it passed through Baton Rouge.
You had no choice but to go to the shelter in Arkansas. If you had people willing to come to New Orleans to pick you up, they could not come within 17 miles of the camp.

I traveled throughout the camp and spoke to Red Cross workers, Salvation Army workers, National Guard, and state police, and although they were friendly, no one could give me any details on when buses would arrive, how many, where they would go to, or any other information. I spoke to the several teams of journalists nearby, and asked if any of them had been able to get any information from any federal or state officials on any of these questions, and all of them, from Australian tv to local Fox affiliates complained of an unorganized, non-communicative, mess.
One cameraman told
me "as someone who's been here in this camp for two days, the only information I can give you is this: get out by nightfall. You don't want to be here at night."

There was also no visible attempt by any of those running the camp to set up any sort of transparent and consistent system, for instance a line to get on buses, a way to register contact information or find family members, special needs services for children and infirm, phone services, treatment for possible disease exposure, nor even a single trash can.

To understand this tragedy, its important to look at New Orleans itself.

For those who have not lived in New Orleans, you have missed a incredible, glorious, vital, city. A place with a culture and energy unlike anywhere else in the world. A 70% African-American city where resistance to white supremecy has supported a generous, subversive and unique culture of vivid beauty. From jazz, blues and hiphop, to secondlines, Mardi Gras Indians, Parades, Beads, Jazz Funerals, and red beans and rice on Monday nights, New Orleans is a place of art and music and dance and sexuality and liberation unlike anywhere else in the world.

It is a city of kindness and hospitality, where walking down the block can take two hours because you stop and talk to someone on every porch, and where a community pulls together when someone is in need. It is a city of extended families and social networks filling the gaps left by city, state and federal goverments that have abdicated their responsibilty for the public welfare. It is a city where someone you walk past on the street not only asks how you are, they wait for an answer.

It is also a city of exploitation and segregation and fear. The city of New Orleans has a population of just over 500,000 and was expecting 300 murders this year, most of them centered on just a few, overwhelmingly black, neighborhoods. Police have been quoted as saying that they don't need to search out the perpetrators, because usually a few days after a shooting, the attacker is shot in revenge.

There is an atmosphere of intense hostility and distrust between much of Black New Orleans and the N.O. Police Department. In recent months, officers have been accused of everything from drug running to corruption to theft. In seperate incidents, two New Orleans police officers were recently charged with rape (while in uniform), and there have been several high profile police killings of unarmed youth, including the murder of Jenard Thomas, which has inspired ongoing weekly protests for several months.

The city has a 40% illiteracy rate, and over 50% of black ninth graders will not graduate in four years. Louisiana spends on average $4,724 per child's education and ranks 48th in the country for lowest teacher salaries. The equivalent of more than two classrooms of young people drop out of Louisiana schools every day and about 50,000 students are absent from school on any given day. Far too many young black men from New Orleans end up enslaved in Angola Prison, a former slave plantation where inmates still do manual farm labor, and over 90% of inmates eventually die in the prison. It is a city where industry has left, and most remaining jobs are are low-paying, transient, insecure jobs in the service economy.

Race has always been the undercurrent of Louisiana politics. This disaster is one that was constructed out of racism, neglect and incompetence.
Hurricane Katrina was the inevitable spark igniting the gasoline of cruelty and corruption. From the neighborhoods left most at risk, to the treatment of the refugees to the the media portayal of the victims, this disaster is shaped by race.

Louisiana politics is famously corrupt, but with the tragedies of this week our political leaders have defined a new level of incompetence. As hurricane Katrina approached, our Governor urged us to "Pray the hurricane down" to a level two. Trapped in a building two days after the hurricane, we tuned our battery-operated radio into local radio and tv stations, hoping for vital news, and were told that our governor had called for a day of prayer. As rumors and panic began to rule, they was no source of solid dependable information. Tuesday night, politicians and reporters said the water level would rise another 12 feet - instead it stabilized. Rumors spread like wildfire, and the politicians and media only made it worse.

While the rich escaped New Orleans, those with nowhere to go and no way to get there were left behind. Adding salt to the wound, the local and national media have spent the last week demonizing those left behind. As someone that loves New Orleans and the people in it, this is the part of this tragedy that hurts me the most, and it hurts me deeply.

No sane person should classify someone who takes food from indefinitely closed stores in a desperate, starving city as a "looter," but thats just what the media did over and over again. Sherrifs and politicians talked of having troops protect stores instead of perform rescue operations.

Images of New Orleans' hurricane-ravaged population were transformed into black, out-of-control, criminals. As if taking a stereo from a store that will clearly be insured against loss is a greater crime than the governmental neglect and incompetence that did billions of dollars of damage and destroyed a city. This media focus is a tactic, just as the eighties focus on "welfare queens" and "super-predators"
obscured the simultaneous
and much larger crimes of the Savings and Loan scams and mass layoffs, the hyper-exploited people of New Orleans are being used as a scapegoat to cover up much larger crimes.

City, state and national politicians are the real criminals here. Since at least the mid-1800s, its been widely known the danger faced by flooding to New Orleans. The flood of 1927, which, like this week's events, was more about politics and racism than any kind of natural disaster, illustrated exactly the danger faced. Yet government officials have consistently refused to spend the money to protect this poor, overwhelmingly black, city.
While FEMA and others warned of the urgent impending danger to New Orleans and put forward proposals for funding to reinforce and protect the city, the Bush administration, in every year since 2001, has cut or refused to fund New Orleans flood control, and ignored scientists warnings of increased hurricanes as a result of global warming. And, as the dangers rose with the floodlines, the lack of coordinated response dramatized vividly the callous disregard of our elected leaders.

The aftermath from the 1927 flood helped shape the elections of both a US President and a Governor, and ushered in the southern populist politics of Huey Long.

In the coming months, billions of dollars will likely flood into New Orleans. This money can either be spent to usher in a "New Deal" for the city, with public investment, creation of stable union jobs, new schools, cultural programs and housing restoration, or the city can be "rebuilt and revitalized" to a shell of its former self, with newer hotels, more casinos, and with chain stores and theme parks replacing the former neighborhoods, cultural centers and corner jazz clubs.

Long before Katrina, New Orleans was hit by a hurricane of poverty, racism, disinvestment, de-industrialization and corruption.
Simply the damage from
this pre-Katrina hurricane will take billions to repair.

Now that the money is flowing in, and the world's eyes are focused on Katrina, its vital that progressive-minded people take this opportunity to fight for a rebuilding with justice. New Orleans is a special place, and we need to fight for its rebirth.

-----------------------------------------------
Jordan Flaherty is an editor of Left Turn Magazine (http://www.leftturn.org
).

-----------------------------------------------

Below are some small, grassroots and New Orleans-based resources, organizations and institutions that will need your support in the coming months.

Social Justice:
http://www.jjpl.org http://www.iftheycanlearn.org http://www.nolaps.org http://www.thepeoplesinstitute.org/

http://www.criticalresistance.org/index.php?name=crno_home

Cultural Resources:
http://www.backstreetculturalmuseum.com

http://www.ashecac.org/ http://198.66.50.128/gallery/ http://www.nolahumanrights.org http://www.freewebs.com/ironrail/ http://www.girlgangproductions.com/

Current Info and Resources:
http://neworleans.craigslist.org/about/help/katrina_cl.html

----------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for reading.

"It is through reflection that we develop our will and determination to follow certain practices. For example, let us examine the basis of the benefits which come from giving. When we give, we respond to the needs of those who have less than us. Thus we contribute, according to our capacity, to the alleviation of their suffering. Their well-being also gives us an immense feeling of satisfaction and joy. And since this joy gives rise to peace and serenity, it helps both us and others to be more happy. Our happiness is deeply connected with that of others".

For those interested in supporting the victims of this tragedy, please kindly visit below links:

http://www.worldvision.ca
http://donate.wvus.org/OA_HTML/xxwvibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=394&cmp=EMC-131
5220&xxwvCampaign=1315220

Thank you for your kind heart and compassion.
May you have happy and at peace always,

Sincerely,

Your friend,
Kumiko Yajima

Final Decision

2005-09-04T21:50:00.000-04:00

So after spending literally 24 hrs/day in the previous few days (to be exact, until the last minute LOL), I made a decision to reject the job offer that I received for the translator position 2.5 hrs north of Toronto.

I have never had this much of trouble/difficult time making a decision in my life before.
I usually use the comparision of pros and cons strategy wheneve making a decision or simply based on my primal needs, but more and more I thought of things and considered different perspectives, more I got confused.

Last Thursday, I was on the stair masters doing my cardio when my close friend, Tomo came by to my gym for her yoga class. We made an arrangement to see each other after her class at 8:30pm.

We went to a cafe closed to her neighborhood and she kindly listened to all the things that I was finding difficult in my life. She (as usual) gave me insightful comments and advise while we were there, and we left the cafe and went to her place.

We started watching *big size me*, but she handed me a book that caught my full attention.
In this book titled: "The Life you were born to Live-a guide to finding our life purpose", the author, Millman invites readers into the world of The Life Purpose System, a method of life-purpose analysis that is similar to numerology yet more practical, using the time of our birth as the indicator of right livelihood. Millman doesnt stop at discussing the eleven basic life paths or their several variations, but has much to say about the influence of spiritual laws, from flexibility and balance to discipline and perfection.

Anyway, the book pointed out how I tend to make my decision based on money. This also meant my tendency to limit my potential/opportunity because of it too. It's true how I did make my career decisions based on it in the past, simply because I had to take care of my self financially. The recent job opportunity that I gained would definitely put myself free in my finance providing me financial security and materialistic comfort and all, but I realized that as long as I continue making my decision based on such a thing, I can never reach to the ultimate/ideal career goal that I visualize myself to be in future.

So I decided to clarify what I want in my life in the order to start taking small actions to get to where I want to be.

I gotta learn how to count my blessing and be fully appreciative for what is given to me without letting my stress put me down.

Right now, I am chilling in my apartment listening to a great music set by Hali by tuning into the netmusique.com radio station, and am about to write my goals that I want to achieve 6 months from now.

Thanks for reading and your continued support!

Sincerely,

Kumi

Analyzing my mind to better make my personal decisions

2005-09-01T11:41:00.000-04:00

Last nite, I caught my good friend, Tatsu, who has been on his journey travelling southeast Asia (currently at Cambodia) online on his MSN that I was able to engage in a good conversation with him and helped me come to a page that I wanted myself to be dealing with my given scenario with my job search.

I made a note on my August 30th entry how I have been wondering how much of given circumstance to accept as reality of my life and when and how much of my humble self to let get into actions respecting my personal desire as an internal truth...

Tatsu mentioned how dealth is everywhere in Cambodia and told me what it was like to make a visit to one of the death fields that took place during the civil war. According to him, "there were the most mass graves. There's a huge pagoda in the middle stacked to the sky with skulls of victims extracted from the graves and the surrounding grounds are still littered with things like teeth and shards of bone".

He told me how everyone there is so desparate to work, any kind of jobs that they can get.

Hearing this story (reality in Cambodia) made me feel how my concern about my job search is such a selfish thing to deal with.

And thusly it led me ponder on the *how much reality to accept and how much humble self to kick in* while talking to him.

Unfortunately, he had to go before we complete our conversation, but while writing an email to him actually helped me clarify some of my confusion, so I would like to share the conclusion that I have came with on this topic.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think that we must ask the origin of our own desires whenever we get lost unable to decide a good balance between accepting a given scenario (although it may not be the most ideal situation) and fighting against it and trying to turn things around for our favour.

If our desire is based on pure positive energy: compassionate thought, respect for one’s personal interests, free from materialistic and superficial thoughts, then we deserve to stick with the desire, you know?

The same thing applies when dealing with accepting a given circumstance.

If accepting lowers the level of our suffering, then surely, we should definitely accept what is given to us.

But one may find it difficult to accept the reality.

One must ask why it is so difficult for us to accept.

There should be reasons why. Usually it is because of our internal desires that are against the reality.

So here we go, we must ask the origin of our desires.

And if our desires are pure positive kind of energy, then we need to use our creative mind and patience to stick with what our heart tells us.

We must bare the challenge to stay respectful to our own thoughts after all....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I think that I must map out all these thoughts that I have in my mind with regards to my job search.

I am in a shoe where I must make up my mind to accept a job offer that commences in October 1st by tomorrow afternoon.

If I accepted this job offer, I must relocate myself 2.5 hr north of Toronto. My friends tell me that it will be very difficult to live there without a car during the winter time. I do not know how well I will handle this challenge mentally considering that I will not have the support system there (no friends). I know that I could come here to Toronto during the weekend, but spending 5 hrs on the Greyhound bus does not sound too bright neither. On a positive side, this challenge shall help me grow into a stronger individual, and it should allow me to gain some confidence and strength that I need dealing with my PTSD. But it is also true that I am a type of an individual who find herself passing out on the ground by burning herself out before her mental self realizes (runner's mentality I guess, LOL), so I must watch out for potential down time by moving there and I do not want to be in a shoe where I can not reach out to people I would feel comfortable to share my own thoughts (weakness) with. So I must make sure that I will have a good network of support system before I make a decision to move there. I have contacted my counsellor to see if there is any support group that I could rely on in this small city. I need to make a list of my short term goals (what I want to achieve) and narrow down necessary sacrifices to get where I need to be. So that is what I am going to do right now.

Peace,

Kumi

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2005-08-31T10:17:00.000-04:00

Your Birthdate: February 17

Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense.

Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise.

You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease.

You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them.

A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

2005-08-31T10:16:00.000-04:00

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

The Birth Order Predictor

2005-08-31T10:02:00.000-04:00

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable.
At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things.
When you love someone, you tend to like to please them.

In friendship, you are loyal to one person.
Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer.
You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

The Birth Order Predictor

interesting....

Who were you in a past life?

2005-08-31T09:40:00.000-04:00

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Famous Monk.

Where You Lived: Burma.

How You Died: The Plague.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

I knew it!!!! ;)

you know, Dawn...

2005-08-30T17:48:00.000-04:00

You ROCK!!

I just realized what I have been missing in my life: Colors!! that I get from the Make up!!!

Shame on me for underestimating the power of colors from the make up for such a long time now.
You know, someone who became closed to me hates it whenever I put some make up on.
So I have been putting less make up on in the past few months.

But you know what? I f***ing LOVE make up. LOL
It's also true that I always fancied and dreamed about becoming a make up artist.
I can not lie to myself and put no make up, just because someone tell me not to do so. LOL

I love playing with my make up brushes and even a little make up tricks empower me like: wow!!

And so I realized that make up is my personal expression that I choose to include in my daily life to express the person I am.

And I want to thank you for helping me realize this. You rock!!! and Thank YOU!!!

P.S.
Dawn recently just sent me a box full of treasures: new make up gears from MAC :)
She is a very cool make up artist. To learn more about her recent swim wear fashion show, please see my entry on June 1st. Thanks :)

Which Rock Chick Are You?

2005-08-30T02:29:00.000-04:00

Which Rock Chick Are You?

one week has gone by

2005-08-30T00:07:00.000-04:00

So many things happened in the past week.
My great friend, Ange departed for her study in Sweden.
I got high fever the next day and slept in bed all day while nasty rain flooded some sections of T-dot causing some headache for people living in the basement.
I attended a couple job interviews for a position that my agent encouraged me to apply for.
Then I got my fever back again with really bad caugh making me stuck in bed for another day again.
I got a couple calls from two agencies for job opportunities here in Toronto, but out of my preference.
And I went for a job interview for a Japanese translator position 2.5 hrs north of Toronto today.

.....
It seems my cold is now gone, but I continue to search for a great career opportunity here in Toronto.

I always wanted to be true to myself and stick with what I felt I deserved, but I am starting to question the degree of my desires now. Because I can not just stay unemployed and continue looking for something that I want without working for so long, you know??

Based on the job offers that come on my way, I am starting to wonder maybe I am meant to work as a translator, although I continue to have more enthusiasm working for a marketing/creative industry as an admin coordinator. I also wonder: is it my faith that puts me in a situation to move to places that I ideally do not want to be???

In my past 10 years, I do not even know how many times I moved (relocating for job offers and most of the time I had no other choice but accept things happening in my life).

Because of my past moves, I feel that I deserve to settle in a place that I like (Toronto) and establish my career where I can devote my passion and energy for at least a few good years.
But I struggle to find a good opportunity in the city and most of the opportunities that are given to me are outside of Toronto, as if I must move from here...again.

I question: what is my faith?
Is it my destiny to move so many times?
Or do I deserve to stick to what my heart (my desire) tells me and continue making the effort until I turn my dreams come true???

Here are some reasons why I want to stay in Toronto:
-I want to get some dance lessons and become a better dancer.
-I love deephouse music and I want to stay in an environment where I can go and hear some live performance where I can gain some raw inspiration for me to manifest my own passion for life too!
-I love kensington market and china town where I can buy some fresh produce for cheap!!!! and I love the idea of spending my money for independent companies (instead of supporting coorporated grocery industry).
-I want to become a part of our Toronto community.
I am interested in doing some volunteer work for the Japanese Canadian community here in Toronto. I want to be able to do some volunteer work!!! (convenient toronto public transportation allows me to travel to places)
--my friends live here. my friends-my own support system-my family :)

but people say that you need to drop all you desire for something that you need sometime in one's life.

Is my thoughts/desires unhealthy? does it limit my ability to accept things happen in my life?
Are they consider as some materialistic thoughts that I need to detach myself?
Do I need to free myself and be able to accept things that are offered to me as gifts??

I continue to wonder as I continue to fight for what I want in my life..

Peace :)

Having Dinner @ Korean Restaurant

2005-08-22T00:56:00.000-04:00

So I became good friends with the girls who have been studying at the health clinic that I recently left working. I have helped one of them with her trip to NYC (booking hotel etc), and she took me out for a dinner as her way to thank me on August 15th (Mon) for dinner :)

I already forgot what the name of the meal she got me, but it was quite hot and deli-cious.

Here are some photos from the restaurant:

The girls are super fun to hang around with. We chilled at one of the girls after we had the meal (actually checked out this korean grocery store one level below the restaurant) at her place. It was FUNNNN. :) I hope to meet them sometime soon, hopefully after one of them returns from her trip from NYC :)

Quote of the day: from Dalai Lama

2005-08-16T12:22:00.000-04:00

"Do not waste precious time. Every second counts, for every second is unique, irreplaceable, and filled with incredible possibilities.

We squander our time like spoiled children who think they will live forever. We always put off till tomorrow what we can do today. We throw away many possibilities for action, happiness, and making others happy.

How can you be so sure that you will be alive tomorrow?

Reflect upon the meaning of your life now. Reality is in the present, and it is vain to live in hopes for the future. Do not harm others, show them love, let them into your life now".

today's realization part 2 (after my running)

2005-08-16T01:00:00.000-04:00

A sense of fear trapped my mind for such a long time now after my life threatening experience.
I felt that I no longer had to deal with it, but recent flash back as an instant response to my sister's screaming voice thru my mobile made me realized that I have a long way to go dealing with my PTSD.

I guess PTSD is something that will not completely go away, and new little things can continue triggerring me to experience a flashback/panic attack.

My recent reaction to my own sister who started screaming over the phone made me realize that I would not have a control over my instant reaction, if I felt physically attacked by another. I guess this is a typical example of the fight or flight response often used in the psychology textbooks. So considering that, I do not think my reaction to her was that abnormal, but I questioned myself: "did I really have to raise my voice to my own sister who was emotionally very upset to begin with?"

I believe that a normal individual would not have to perceive the way my sister approached me as an attack, but calmly able to talk to her in an adult like manner. Such realization/belief makes me continue having this fear for my future reactions to unexpected things that could trigger me to get a panic attack. And so yes, I have a fear as a person who could get a panic attack. I am fearful for my panic attack. But shall I limit my opportunity to fully feel happy about my life because of my fear? I really hope not.

So here I am, realizing my need to deal with my fear. But I also need to accept the fact that this will be an ongoing process, and I may not be able to completely get rid of my fear. But what I can do is to keep my awareness for my internal truth and open attitude to always work on it with a positive attitude at all time.

You know, when I returned to Toronto and met so many wonderful people here and everything turned into the better, I felt that I had no fear anymore. But such belief was made with my false belief that I have overcomed my struggles as a person with PTSD. I feel that the realization that I wasn't was a pretty big punch against my head that I got burned out physically and mentally. Because you know, we all want to recover from our own issues, and get completely rid of it, if we had any choice. But I think this is when we have to have a faith in everything that happens in our lives, and believe that having and dealing with my PTSD actually allows me to become much stronger, wise, content, peaceful and happy individual than I have ever been before gaining such challenge in my life :)

I think I can sleep peacefully tonite. It is wonderful news.
Tomorrow, Ilya is finally coming back from his recent trip to Ukraine.
My friend Ange may also be able to meet with me before she departs for Sweden this coming Friday.

I have a feeling that I have more happy things happening for the next couple days to replace my difficult experiences that I had in the past few days :) and I can not wait to laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart cerebrating my own happiness and joy with others.

Peace and love,

today

2005-08-15T15:25:00.000-04:00

I feel like I am going to explode. but I hope that I can use such energy of mine in rather positive manner devoting my passion for something that I feel I deserve.

But speaking of exploding, I have not gone dancing for way too long. Toronto needs to get good gigs, and I would love to see Kerri Chandler, DJ Gregory or Larry Heard here in the city sometime soon. I fucking need to dance all sweaty and let my soul explode but in a good way on the dance floor soon. Yay me.

Larry Heard

2005-08-15T15:18:00.000-04:00

I wonder: if I did not have music by larry heard that allows me to connects with my inner self and restore positive energy during my work out, how would I keep my positive attitude at all times??

I am always energized by his music, because I feel that his music brings such comfort in me and allows me to feel that I can continue being who I am, feeling, experiencing and appreciating those beauties and qualities of life that I value in my life.

Anyway, I thought that my appreciation for his music and how much I value it needed to be expressed from my lungs before I head out for today's work out today.

I am soo lucky that I have come to learn of his music. Thanks very much, mu for introducing me to his soulful and deep music :)

peace and love,

today's realization

2005-08-15T15:12:00.000-04:00

i need to have a strong and patient mind that will not be disturbed to unexpected incidences and unwelcome energy. One day, I hope that I will be able to perceive every single challenge that comes into my life as a gift even from the moment of its occurence. Right now, I feel that I am too naive and fragile that although I can keep my positive perspectives while dealing with a challenge, its physical damage/draining of my energy are too big to the degree that I am really surprised to know I still feel very tired after my recent stressful situations.
I have spent my morning engaging in a few meditation, but longer I try to meditate, more weakness exposes on its own. I realized how much of a long way I have to go to become truly a strong minded and patient individual....

I know I can get there though :)

Chakras and DeJa Vu

2005-08-14T11:26:00.000-04:00

Until I talked to Tomo, I did not have a concept that supports my own belief re: core of my self.

Over a dinner (I baked a meat loaf and cooked chinese vege stir-fry, steamed brown rice and miso soup) and desert (I baked a banana cake..hehe) at my place last nite, Tomo and I engaged in such a great conversation re: our beliefs on energy, from spiritual healing to chakras. We freely exchanged our ideas on many things, and it indeed was such a great experience: something that I truly was hungry for!!! (I love it whenever my friend is able to freely express their ideas and thoughts on spirituality, and it has been a long time since a friend was able to willingly share her/his thoughts on this level...thanks very much, TOMO!!!).

During our conversation, she mentioned re: Chakras.

According to this website, Chakras are centers of energy, located on the midline of the body. There are seven of them, and they govern our psychological properties. The chakras located on the lower part of our body are our instinctual side, the highest ones our mental side.

The chakras can have various levels of activity. When they're "open," they're considered operative in a normal fashion.

Ideally, all chakras would contribute to our being. Our instincts would work together with our feelings and thinking. However, this is usually not the case. Some chakras are not open enough (being under-active), and to compensate, other chakras are over-active. The ideal state is where the chakras are balanced. To find out what the state of your chakras is, do the chakra test (I will tell you my result at the bottom of today's entry).

Anyway, back to what I was trying to say in today's entry. I have been freely able to connect with that self thru running and meditation since I gained my awareness towards spirituality over 5 years ago, thanks to a guidance from my best friend, Scott.

Around that time, I experienced a lot of spiritual experiences such as de ja vus. At one occassion, I was even able to rely on my own de ja vu to guide where I needed/wanted to go with my own will by breaking what it was going to happen (according to my de ja vu-a memory from the future).

And recently, I have been experiencing a lot of deja vus.

My deja vus happens whenever my mind recalls a flashback of few photographic images in my mind. Sometime, only a single image but very very remarkable to the degree that I can even draw a picture of it and the same image comes into my own reality later on (allowing me to know that it was a deja vu). And sometime a series of few images that allow me to know what would happen if I let the faith take where I need to be.

In a way, I personally believe this experience what I refer as deja bu is something that allows me to know my own destiny. So I feel that more I stay closed to my own core of self (soul) and maintaining good balance of my own chakras and being able to listen to my intuitive messages clearly and making daily decisions, more I MAY experince deja vus that allow me to know deep inside that the path that I am walking on is the right path/given path in my desitiny.

Anyway, after a few stressful incidences the past week, I questioned: "is this really the path that I was meant to go thru?? because I even rejected that good pay job offer in Barrie now and I need to start my job search again (my greedy self confusing my own past judgment and decision)".

But once again I experienced a deja vu of myself reading this article (I recalled the exact article detail and its picture in the magazine and my own surrounding) while exercising at the gym, trying to let go of my own accumulated negative energy and re-store my own good energy from my passion for my life.

So in that moment, I felt very assured that everything will be just fine! fine! fine!
and this message, "do not underestimate your passion for things that you are interested and love. stay who you are and take actions to better manifest your own identity!" came into my mind, as if its energy was trying to encourage/cheer me up and keep me moving without a fear.

I do not know if any of you do believe in spiritual experiences like this (that I sometime experience), but I love it whenever I am able to collect spiritual messages whenever I am exercising (feeling running high). I think we all are able to welcome such messages from the core of self (a message from our future?!) or from another world, only if we engage in activities to actively detach ourselves from heavy/draining thoughts and energy.

According to the chakra test, it says that I need to let go of my fear. It is sooo very true. I need to actively work on this by meditating and being closed to the nature more though :)
Or do you think I am being nuts by thinking and analyzing way too much??!! hahaha

Any thoughts? Please share your wisdom. Peace and love.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Results from Chakra test

Root:	under-active	(18%)
Sacral:	open	(56%)
Navel:	open	(25%)
Heart:	open	(68%)
Throat:	open	(68%)
Third Eye:	open	(56%)
Crown:	over-active	(75%)

Percentages go from -100% to +100%

Further information

What this means
Open your under-active chakras

Comment:

1 - Root chakra

The Root chakra is about being physically there and feeling at home in situations. If it is open, you feel grounded, stable and secure. You don't unnecessarily distrust people. You feel present in the here and now and connected to your physical body. You feel you have sufficient territory.

If you tend to be fearful or nervous, your Root chakra is probably under-active. You'd easily feel unwelcome.'

7 - Crown chakra

The Crown chakra is about wisdom and being one with the world. When this chakra is open, you are unprejudiced and quite aware of the world and yourself.

If it is under-active, you're not very aware of spirituality. You're probably quite rigid in your thinking.

If this chakra is over-active, you are probably intellectualizing things too much. You may be addicted to spirituality and are probably ignoring your bodily needs. LOL

I do not need

2005-08-14T11:16:00.000-04:00

I do not need:

negative energy affected by others who are selfish, arrogant and controlling.

I do not need:

to let such energy haunt my mind to the degree that I am unable to open the door to welcome good energy into my soul and being able to appreciate my life to fullest at all time.

I do not need:

to put up with other people's insecurity and their problems and put me down, just because they need to feel that they are better than who I am,

I do not need:

to surround myself who take advantage of the weak ones and create such unfair hierarchical system.

After having had two stressful incidences past week, I found myself physically, mentally and spiritually drained. After I quit my job and doing absolutely nothing on Thursday,,,and while riding my bike and this lady who was stopping at the cross walk shared such a wonderful and contageous smile with me, I found myself naturally returning her mine and in that moment, a realization that I am still a free-bird, no matter how other may try to take advantage of me and bring difficult circumstances in my life.

I want to thank that lady for bringing me that realization that I can still be who I am, appreciate my own good nature and live freely true to myself :) Life is wonderful, especially when you experience an instant spiritual communication with people you do not know, but their souls you know :)

Peace and love,

Mentally and Physically Exhausting Week

2005-08-12T21:41:00.000-04:00

Not so long ago, I rejected a job offer to work as a Japanese Translator for an automotive company in Barrie, which is about 2 hrs north of Toronto, simply because I was not so sure about moving there and live a lonely life without friends in the city (again).

Then I was given this opportunity to work as a manager for a health institution in Toronto, and since I was always interested in having my own business in future, this one appeared and sounded excellent to me.

As each day passed by, I learned more about the company, and more I became suspicious re: how the company ran the business. The fact how they refused to issue a contract agreement when I requested for one was a first sign to begin with. They did also refuse to pay 1.5 times my hourly rate, when they asked me to work approx. 50 hrs/week. I basically learned so many shady/unrespected ways of their operation (that I do not want to even bother write here) that I made a decision to just get out from this company before I get into a huge trouble.

Informing my boss of my wish to leave was stressful.
He asked me why. I basically told him my honest opinion and reasons.

On the next day, he called and asked me to work until the end of the month.
I said: "how would you assure me that you are going to pay me properly?"
He: silence.
He: "Well, I guess I have to respect your decision then". and he was going to hang up on me.
So I said: "How can you pay for the days that I worked for you?"
He: "Oh, I thought you made you decision being prepared in case you would not get paid".
I: "I think you know that I have worked very hard and more than you demanded me. And therefore, I believe I deserve to get paid".
He: "I will tell my wife to write you a cheque then".

There is no need for me to express how I felt.
I just want to cut off this negative energy that affected me physically, mentally and emotionally already.

Please wish me good luck so that the cheque that I plan on getting this weekend covers all the hours that I worked for.

Fucking basterds who take advantage of others. I have no respect for such people in this universe.

Another stressful incidence

2005-08-11T22:02:00.000-04:00

Well, I was woken up by a scream thru my mobile last nite. It was my youngest sister freaking out and very upset with what I have done re: kids cheating in tests/exams in her summer course that she is enrolled in. In that instant, it triggered me to have a flashback (since I was asleep and have not gained consciousness) was another story, but yes, let's just go on with her story first.

My sister has been studying really hard for this course with her tutor for the past month and told me that it was not fair how more than half of the students have been cheating with our techy devices that are available (mobile/digi cam/calculator).

So I wrote an email addressed to those in authority asking for a confidential investigation and proper punishment on those kids-noting that this needs to be handled very carefully and in confidence because of my sister's privacy. I also wrote in the mail to contact me if he/she has any questions and not my sister.

Guess what?!!

Apparently, the principal came into her class, asked her to come into his room DURING the class, and then on the same day coming into the class for an emergent meeting with all the students and teacher re: cheating.

Who is stupid enough to not know it was my sister who exposed the truth?!!!!

My sister now is so very upset that she has turned the rest of students as her enermy, and feels emotionally, mentally and physically threatened by the anger by those kids who cheated.

I called the principal today asking him what he has done, and telling him that there has been many other ways he could have done differenly (instead of coming to the class immediately like an emotionally retarted child, he could have simply asked the teacher to give her a note asking her to come to his room while no one is watching).

Because of the way how the principal failed to investigate the matter in a discreet manner, it made it obvious that it was my sister who spilled the truth.

Anyway, my sister is really upset now.
I feel like an ass now causing this drama now.
But I did not want her to get bad grade while knowing she has been studying really hard, you know? Basically I had two options. Either I do not do anything about it or fight for my sister's rights.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The principal promised me that he would talk to my sister after her last class and give me a call, but he did not. So I called him. He sounded like a useless and irresponsible ass hole.
I talked to my sister how he communicated with her when she told him how hurt she felt.
He basically told her that there was nothing he could do since the course was over.
He simply suggested her to go and talk to a counselor if any problem rises in September (physical threats and emotional abuse by the cheaters).

But what about all the emotional and verbal abuse that she already received from the cheaters in the class??

I am furious, and I want to fight for my sister and my rights and will report this case to the school disctrict hoping that some proper discipline on this ass hole will be made. It will make my day if he will get fired, but I doubt it. Sometime, I wonder how unfairly people climbed to the level of authority in any insitution/organization. I guess those who are very passionate about teaching and dealing with kids will stay forever as teachers.... Hey Tatsu, if you were reading this, please share your input on this matter. Thanks :)

THE BEST DELI PERSON EVARRRR

2005-08-08T00:44:00.000-04:00

So after work, I stopped by at Dominion to buy some meat and fish products...lately, I have been super busy that I do not get to sit and enjoy my breakfast as I used to...no time for an omelette or crepes from in the morning, but it is important to have a good balanced breakfast to start off my day, so the sandwich meat has been quite handy (making sandwiches or place ham and cheese on crackers for snack).

The deli section of the grocery store was super busy, so I must have waited like 10 minutes before the deli person, a mid 50s old gentleman who looked like a type that would be seen in Harry Potter stories, was able to assist me.

He finally came at front of me and goes: "thank you for your patience and how may I assist with you today?"

I: "Can I get 100 gram of Havarti cheese sliced?"
He sliced the cheese and weighed it in the scale, and the scaled showing "154 gram".
He took the cheese off the scale, and punched *-54* and then placed the cheese back on the scale. Bingo! now that the scale was showing "100 gram", exactly what I asked for.
He put the sticker on the envelop containing 154 gram of Havarti cheese and said: "Thank you for stopping over at the deli section of Dominion. You have a great evening, madam".

He actually helped me with my cooked smoked chicken as well (putting a sticker saying 150 gram on my 180 gram of chicken").. I thought this was very amusing as hell. Did not know what to think of it. He probably did not want to put the sliced meat or cheese back in the fridge cause it goes into the garbage or get rotten having nobody want to buy such slice after someone else anyway, you know? So yeah, it indeed was very smart and generous of him to scam the system and provide me what I exactly ask for. LOL

I tell my dad the same thing when prepring dishes at his restaurant. Since the appearance of each dish is important, we can not overdo things. But if it does not go over the boundary, I (and my grandma) encourage my dad to put more carp sashimi fish on a dish, if we know that it will go into his stomach or someone else's (imagine or not, sometime, our crow pet even gets to eat left over carp fish. LOL).

Anyway, he made my dad :D

My friend, Tomo is the BEST!!

2005-08-02T01:48:00.000-04:00

So yesterday, I passed out after chatting with the superintendent of my apartment for about 15 minutes under such humid and hot weather.

I knew that I started feeling a bit weird and sick, but did not think it was much of a big deal, so I kept on talking with him, only to realize that I felt like falling on the ground. LOL (well, may be not that funny..haha)

So I excused myself and walked towards the entrance of the apartment. The superintendent was kind enought to escort me into the apartment and asked me to give him a call if I ever needed him.

I closed th door, and just passed out in the living room area not knowing what just happened.

What a hell did just happened? I had no clue. But I knew that I just passed out. LOL

Then I rushed into the washroom and vomitted (eww).

And the person I saw in the mirror was very pale and had some cold sweat all over her top.
Wow, I think I am really ill then!

So I went to the bed to relax and told myself that I should just forget about all these things that I wanted to do today and just concentrate on Taking It Easy, that's right, people. Kumi needs to take it easy. LOL

I do not necessary mean to always work the whole time always engaging in some productive work doing things mentally and physically, but yes, this incidence made me realize that I really do need to have a good balance of working hard and enjoying relaxation big time.

Thinking back, while I was in Japan, I had less resposibilities and had such a flexible schedule, so I think I was able to manage my stress all right. And I did not really think that returning here in Toronto had much of stress on me, you know? It's true that I was stressed out and concerned about my return here, but once I got here, things got sorted out day after another, while meeting and uniting many wonderful people here, so I was really enjoying my new life here in Toronto making most out of the given moment of time with friends.

On a different perspective, it's also true that this past week has been a first week since I am living my life alone for the past 8 months now, so subconsciously, it had some stress on me.....

----
So I slept until 7pm! and woke up wanting to take care of my laundry. So I got up, brought my laundry to the nearest laundry place (had no change to use the laundry room in the apartment building), and then I basically cleaned my place. I love cleaning, whenever I need to feel refreshed, because I feel as though I am able to let the positive energy come into the cleaned space. :) So I cleansed my space and thought about making some sushi for my lunch the next day.

Then my friend, Tomo called saying that she made me something to eat!

What a sweet offer. She said she was just on her way here, and came here less than 15 minutes after her call. She brought me Japanese congee, okayu and an organic salad.

The Japanese congee was sooooooooo tasty.
The word can not describe how soulfully warm this congee was.
You know, I cook for myself all the time. So whenever someone cooks for me, I can almost (and always) feel the warmth that the person who prepared puts in the food (during the process of preparing). Afterall, we all say that meals with love and caring thoughts always taste warm and hearty. It is soo very true! So I felt like crying while eating this okayu made with Tomo's love and care.

She hanged around at my place for a bit chatting for a while, and then I made her a roll of california and salmon roll (you get 2 kinds in 1 roll) before she left for her home.

I was very touched by her thoughtfulness and wanted to feed myself with her warmth the next day, so I kept the okayu in the fridge for my breakfast the next day and slept.

:) thank you very much, Tomo for your thougthfulness and care. You are the best!! :)

dubtribe sound system ~ farewell tour ~

2005-07-30T12:04:00.000-04:00

after eight years, DUBTRIBE SOUND SYSTEM announces their long-anticipated return to toronto for a final live performance of beautiful and organic, deep, funky house grooves. during the height of the underground party movement of the 90's, dubtribe helped define the era with favourites such as "equitoreal" "do it now", and "sunshine's theme", while boasting releases on top labels such as bmg, jive electro + defected, as well as their own imprint, imperial dub recordings. this loving san francisco duo is world-renowned, attracting caravans from far and wide to witness their awe-inspiring and infectious live sets that spread the message of goodwill, peace and love. please join us as we celebrate their farewell performance and share one more dance together in the beautiful and historic steamwhistle brewery.

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So I arrived at the steamwhistle brewery just around 11:30pm (my bike ride allowed me to get there in 15 minutes! yes!!!! LOL) to check out this show. By the time I got there, Hali was at the deck already mixing for his set.

I was supposed to meet a frind, Charles there, so I looked for him, only bumping into so many of my great old buddies there. I was especially so very happy to see Melanie.

This girl has such a warm and truly sweet smile. The words can not describe the way this girl smiles. One thing that I can tell ya is that she is REAL. She is so honest with her feelings and she is a very strong gal. I love and admire such part of her, and it makes me feel great whenever I see her smile, cause I know she is not faking it, but being true to her feelings, ya know??????

She was hanging around with Matt and Pete, a couple other music lovers and musically talented individuals, whom I have known since I first moved here in the year of 2000. It was absolutely wicked how I got to share a little bit of my life update with them. I felt like blushing after I shared what I had to say (because Mel, Matt and Pete surrounded me and just quietly listened to what I had to share with them when there is great music playing and dance flor to bust your moves!! LOL), but it was very very touching how they shared their time listening to my story and engaging in a talk with me.

You know, I never dislike the idea of going to the club or party for the sake of socializing with others. I go there to listen and feel the music and gain positive energy from the experience and apply the gained elements and energy into my own life (inspiration/insightful/nurturing/fulfilling/manifesting/new creative ideas, you name it, being a part of wonderful music performance is my passion, as it has always reminded me to be true to who I am). So if I encounter a soul that gives me great vibe, I am happy for such treasure, but not something that I expect, knowing the nature of clubbing business and how people tend to use the venue to get off their negative energy in such openly and sometime reluctant manner.

Anyway, my point was that, I was very glad that after years of partying, these people that I met from the online music community, tribe are kind of individuals who are there for the music and all about sharing the great vibes, because just like my another friend, Norm puts it, "there is no meaning in life if there is no music". ;) So enuff of my rants about my great buddies here in Toronto (i just wanted to express how thankful I am to have them here!!)

The show It was one of the most touching, inspiring, insightful, beautiful, deep, and soulfully and musically wonderful live PA I have ever experienced in my life. I experienced so many different emotions during their performance: excitement, craziness, funkiness, deep, insightful, touching, sadness, appreciation, wishful, hopeful, fulfilled and thankful… A couple moments and at the end of the show, I could not help but let my tears fall off my eyes. I am very thankful that Hali (the poundhouse crew) made this happen and bringing them to Toronto for their farewell tour. All I want to say to DSS is "thank you" for all the love and positive will that they have shared and spread thru their wonderful music. I feel that whenever I remember this show, I will get to remind myself to be always true to myself and be loving and friendly to all around me and all we have in our life :)

One of my favorite dubtribe songs: "Do it now"

You say you're lonely
Don't care anymore
Emptiness abounds
and love surrounds
the hole besides your heart

You're feeling so sad,
And it's never been this bad before

Don't wanna change the world
But I'm gonna change your mind
I'll only say that if you stay
Love is what you'll find
But you're gone... 'cause love takes so long

You say you're empty
Don't feel anymore
Loneliness abounds
And the music pounds around and around and around...

You're moving way too fast
Like nothing ever lasts
Just keep on ... pushing

Could be anything you want
Could do anything you feel
Love is all around you
but you don't believe it's real
Just be fearless
Baby be fearless...

Do it now.
Do it now.
Do it now.
Do it now.

All my life I sit and wonder
Why you put yourself down
What's so bad, what's so bad, what's so bad, what's so bad
About what we have now?
Raise your hands... in the twilight
Raise your hands... to the sky
and say "I love you"
No fear anymore
Happiness is found
Let love come down
and shine inside your heart

You're beautiful inside
I'm in love with your mind and your heart and your soul and your eyes
Could be anything you want
Could do anything you feel
Love is all around you
but you don't believe it's real

Open up your mind
Listen to your heart
Leave loneliness behind
Come on, come on, come on

Do it now.
Do it now.
Do it now.
Do it now... :)

Have not seen me so dark like this!

2005-07-29T08:39:00.000-04:00

So before get going for my day, I decided to take a snap photo of myself (yeah, I got the nokia phone that comes with the photo/video audio tools installed) , only to realize how tanned I am after 3 visits to the beaches/lakes this year. Pretty impressive I thought (as I was always known as a pale-looking girl), so here they are: the tanned Kumi-let me know what u think~~~

;)

A great drawing of me by Vincenzo

2005-07-27T01:35:00.000-04:00

My Great (new) friend, Vincenzo kindly did this amazing drawing of me (from a childhood photo)...I am amazed at this work. Wow!!!! I feel super special. Vince, I would love to return you a great favour!!!! Thank you very much for your time and your great work!!!

SWEET!

How generous can you be?

2005-07-27T00:25:00.000-04:00

My mind is blown away and I am very speechless after seeing this 100 dollar bill in my wallet after stopping over at the Shopper's Drug Mart a few minutes ago.

So my question is: how generous can you be? to someone you know for less than a month and be 120 % supportive to all you are trying to do in your life?

Here is my story...
I became such close friends with this boy since returning here in Toronto less than a month ago. He is now my roommate and I have been completely speechless realizing how generous and kind-hearted person he is.

-He does not accept any of my money when we go to grocery shopping at China Town/Kensington Market, simply because I have not found a job yet (no source of income), and he does not want to see me getting broke once he departs for his trip to Ukraine to meet his friends and family there.

-Although we made an agreement that I pay half of the 2 bedroom apartment rent as his roommate, he does not accept my money and covers 20 % of my initially agreed rent.

-He just departed for his travel this evening, and I found two cheques in the cabinet: one covering the whole August rent and one covering his rent, leaving it up to me to decide which cheque to use based on my financial situation. He does not ask me how my wallet is doing, but just modestly extends options as this.

-And I realized that he sneakingly left his 100 dollar bill in my wallet, when I went to the shoper's drug mart and opened my wallet for the first time today.

-He is a type of a person who would call his friends to fix my bike without me asking for his help, but purely based on his pure generousity and great consideration to make my life easy.

-I appreciate his friendship and my new friendships with his friends, so I made the Japanese dinner and invited some of his friends over. I realized that I was missing some stuff for the dinner, so asked him to go and get some for me. He left but came back shortly after leaving and asked me to get his paper (or something I do not really recall right now). When I passed the stuff to him, he sort of checked my height and thanked me and left. An hour later, he came back with this huge fresh cut flowers that covered my whole head. I then knew why he checked my height before leaving....

....

Especially after gaining PTSD, I find myself asking how much generousity to give to others, simply because I do not want to get hurt by trusting them 100%. But having Ilya who is genuingly so giving and considerate to others make me feel that I can extend my generousity without doubts or suspicious mind, as long as my actions is based on pure consideration, care and love to others (based on my decision, I should be 100 % responsible for my actions).

I feel very special that I have someone like him who can teach me a lot of things in human generousity and true samurai spirit (once he said: "Real samurais never show their feeling , but actions"). Thank you very very much, Ilya. Although you did not have to do all these, I am very thankful for your great consideration and care. Spasiva Illushe-chika!!

Having Tomomi over for dinner

2005-07-25T03:31:00.000-04:00

I wanted my friend, Tomomi to meet Ilya before Ilya departing for Ukraine, so she came over to our place for dinner last nite. Due to my busy schedule and not having had a chance to do much grocery shopping over the weekend, I prepared some food based on what we had in the fridge, but all turned out fairly well, and once again, I was happy with the dishes: We had teriyaki flavoured chicken with steamed carrots, sweet potatoes and sugar snaps. Chickpea and Potato Curry, edamame, steamed brown and wild rice and miso soup.

We had a little bit of sake from our previous Japanese dinner with a bunch of Russian friends, so we had a sip of that as well :) For desert, we had semi-dark and white chocolate chips and cashew cookies, strawberry bubble tea and mango sherbet (thanks to Tomomi).

Ilya's friend, Sasha made a surprise visit, so he joined with our dinner for a little bit :)
Here is Tomomi enjoying the chickpea and potato curry :)

It was such a great pleasure having friends over for dinner. You know, the past numerous years, I cooked meals and ate all alone by myself (most of the time), and I hated it!!! I grew up in a big family, so I have such a great pleasure sharing food and enjoying the meal together with others under family oriented farm envirnoment, you know? So it was super great that Tomomi and Sasha joined our dinner.

After Sasha left, all of us explored Ilya's great music collections, especially within Tibetian music. Ilya recently had a huge crash on the music performed by a couple asian (Japanese) musicians who played some ancient Tibetian (nepalian) instruments at the Kensington Market, and Tomomi turned out to be friends with them. LOL And while going thru many of Tomo's photos in her digital camera, we realized that the people whom she took a photo of were actually ilya's friends as well. So it was quite interesting evening realizing how small world we have, especially having it the first evening for Ilya and Tomomi to communicate with each other (encountering new inspiring people and learning they were friends of our friend).

But like Tomo said the other day, I believe that we have the power/magnet to attract the type of people who share the same wavelength (similar energy)...so maybe this is why friends connect good friends after another in this world :)

There is nothing absolutely wonderful than spending your Saturday at the lake under wonderful sunny weather :)

2005-07-23T01:40:00.000-04:00

Ilya and I were going to vist Toronto island like the previous weekend (ended up getting some shower and returning home earlier than planned), but thanks to Stas inviting us on his plan, we got to spend our Saturday at the Lake Simcoe with Stas, his g.f., Chinatsu, Denielle, Ilya and myself.

It was such a FUN time having fun on the air-mattress on the lake, crazy boys jumping off and on it (LOL) and enjoying our lunch by the grass under the *shade*. :)

Stas, Denielle and Ilya enjoying their butter-bread :) Was such a great eggplant spread!!
One of my favorite photos from the lake. A cool shot of Stas's one eye and Chinatsu-looking very pretty :)

I love seeing Ilya and Denielle hanging around with each other. They are like brothers with each other, and I love seeing how close they are! :)

and enjoy seeing my wrinkly face (after exposed under the sun for so long-oh, it's so hard to stay young and beautiful..lol) but such a happy face of myself.. :)

It's always SWEET sharing a meal with someone: Danielle coming over for Dinner

2005-07-21T02:34:00.000-04:00

We had Denielle over for dinner on July 21st (Thu). The list of dishes for the dinner is as follows: salmon and bak-choy stir-fry, clam stew with yukon gold potatoes and broccoli, red, yellow and green peppers, zucchini and mushroom gratin, steamed rice and miso soup. Although it was my first time trying the first two dishes, it turned out well and I was happy that I could make something tasty for my friends :)

And we had some Japanese beer for the dinner thanks to Ilya surprising us with some bottles! (see, this is what I am talking about. Ilya just does things like this always giving us surprises. What a sweet soul he is!):
and here is Denielle and Ilya going thru a mad collection of Ilya's CDs (mpeg files). We saw the first episode of CHEBURASHKA. Very cute stuff...
Thank you for coming, Denielle, and hope you will come and visit us again!

Restored Love and Passion for my Life- I have no fear any more

2005-07-20T11:22:00.000-04:00

Words can not describe how deep sense of fear and darkness haunted my internal self for the past 6 months after a life threatening experience put me off at the edge of cliff. I did not fall off the cliff completely, because look, I am still alive, but I experienced one of the most painful and struggling phase of life learning how to live my life passionately again.

Now I am returned here in the city of Toronto, uniting with my dear friends and meeting such wonderful souls, I feel very blessed to have everything in my life right now.

Last nite while working out at the gym, this thought just popped into my mind: "I have experienced and lived in the hell for the past 6 months collecting missed sense of personal identity, and now that I feel I have restored my passion and love for my life, I have no fear to stride forward to fight what I feel I deserve in my life, and I do not let anyone violate or control my life in a negative manner anymore, because I have the full ownership for my freedom and life".

:)

I feel absolutely wonderful realizing that I have finally come back to this mental stage once again in my life. Yes, I did it, and I feel as though I have the full control over my life and am able to explore my opportunities in my life here in Toronto.

One of my favorite songs that reflect much of my current self is this one: "Golden" by Jill Scott, and I would like to leave my entry with its lyric for you all to enjoy :)

-------------------------------------------------------------

Golden by Jill Scott

I'm taking my freedom,
Pulling it off the shelf,
Putting it on my chain,
Wear it around my neck,
I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my car,
Wherever I choose to go,
It will take me far,

[Chorus]
I'm livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden, X3
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,
Livin' my life like it's golden, X4
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,

[Verse 2]
I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it in my song,
Singing loud and strong,
Grooving all day long,
I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my stroll,
I'll be high-steppin' y'all,
Letting the joy unfold,

[Chorus]

I'm holding on to my freedom,
Can't take it from me,
I was born into it,
It comes naturally,
I'm strumming my own freedom,
Playing the god in me,
Representing his glory,
Hope he's proud of me,

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
I'm living my life like its golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, [X2]

[Chorus]

[Jill Scott:]
Livin' my life like it's golden,
It really matters to me, Ohhh

Exploring Cooking & Fulfilling one's soul @ Toronto

2005-07-19T10:11:00.000-04:00

Hi there! Sorry folks for not updating my entry for a while now.

I am happy to inform you all that now I have the internet connection from my home thanks to ilya and his friend's support!!! (I got a free 3 months internet connection..sweet!!!)

Here are some photos of some dishes that I have had at my new place. Some prepared/cooked by me with my soul and heart~ and some by ilya. It's been absolutely wonderful nurturing my inner self with fulfillingly satisfying meals from in the morning here. This is also to tell my parents that I am eating healthy and happy here in Toronto :) Enjoy looking at the photos and let your imagination fulfill you also.....

Simple Living. Simple Beauty and Eternal Happiness....

My First Japanese Meal @ My new place- July 2nd 2005

July 4th: Veal and Vegetable Soup, Spicy Tofu Stir-Fly and Salad
w/ Japanese Sweet Ginger and Carrot Dressing:

July 6th: Portbella Mushroom and Zuchini Omelette with Feta Cheese,Rosemary Potatoes and Cranberry over Sour/Cottage Cheeses:

July 7th: Fresh Tomatoes and Smoked Ham on Toasts:

July 8th: Famous Butter-Bread and Fresh Cherries Prepared by Ilushe:

July 10th: Power Sunday Breakfast- Vegetable and Immitation Crab
Meat Stir-Fly over Pork Ramen Noodles:

July 10th: Wonderfully Hearty Dinner Prepared by Ilushe: Chicken
Masara and Steamed Vegetable and Steamed Brown & Wild Rice..was SOULFULLY WARM AND TASTY!!! thank you very much, Ilya!

Tasty Russian Cookies: hmmmm

July 12th: Mushroom & Shrimp Gratin, Mango and Avocado Salad
(Passion Fruit Dressing) & Steamed Brown & Wild Rice:

July 13th: Sprinkle of Shredded Coconuts Over Sliced Banana and
Cottage Cheese on Toasts & Apples and Grapes:

July 15th: Chicken & Vegetable Soba (buckwheat) Noodles Before
Partying up at Roxi Blu Closing Party:

July 16 Saturday Breakfast: Zucchini & Eggplant Omelette w/Feta
Cheese, Rosemary Potatoes, Slices of Tomatoes, Cucumber and Ham over Toast

July 17 Sunday Breakfast: Fresh Banana and Walnuts Crepe!!

July 17 Sunday Lunch: Chicken & Vegetable Soba Noodles and Colorful Vege Medley Stir-fly:

July 17 Sunday Japanese Dinner Party~Having Russian Friends over :):
We also had some tempura, miso soup and edamame :) Stas kindly brought a bottle of plum sake and a platter of fresg fruits, yujin brought hakutsuru (white crane)-a bottle of sake, and Svet brought tasty chocolate covered gummies, a huge pineapple and orange juice. We enjoyed our evening eating, drinking and talking. What a beauty having friends over for good meal. We gotta do this again, next time over simple traditonal home-made Japanese meals :)

My Evening with Tomo

2005-07-06T23:40:00.000-04:00

My friend, Tomo and I went out to have a supper together at this Napalian Restaurant near my place. I did have a good idea where she lives, but I did not realize how close she lives until now. LOL Well, it is always very sweet to have good friends living near you, you know? So I am very excited to spend some quality time with this girl while I am here in the city. I intuitively feel that I may have to move somewhere again, since my life always were filled with constant
moves in the past without much of my control. This is why I shall just get most out of the present life by accepting all these changes that happened in my life since returning to Toronto. But honestly, I feel very very lucky to have such peaceful life in this city right now. Yes, this is absolutely nothing that I expected (as I was rather filled with fear and worries before leaving Japan), and often enough I feel as if I am dreaming, but my daily exercise listening to sweet deep house music reminds me that everything is real, and I can feel the restored passion for my life, and this is like a miracle to me. I had such a fabulous time sharing ideas, thoughts and perspectives with Tomo at the restaurant.

The food was great. We ordered a nan, saffron rice, chicken entry and popular napal vegetarian dish with some black beans and bamboo shoots. There was a live music performed by a musician who played this napalian instrument that brought such comfort and peace into my soul.

Tomo has been attending a massage school learning shiatsu for a while now, so she shared a lot of perspectives that she gained on spiritual energy and effects of shiatsu massage on our bodies (physically and spiritually). We also talked about how ideally we shall live our lives and we came to agree with each other that no matter how complicated situations we may have in our lives, we shall always be able to shift all the mental baggages off our mind and be able to listen to our internal message deep inside of us. By following such message, we maybe able to live purely without any attachment to materialistic thoughts and desires but to rather follow the path guided by our destiny. I really felt that Tomo and I were meant to connect again in this city exchanging positive energy and insights with each other, and I felt extremely appreciative for the time we shared with each other at the restaurant.

It is always exciting to connect with open-minded individuals who believe in the power of spiritual energy. I am a big fan of spiritual energy, and do believe that all of us are able to develop our inner spiritual energy through yoga, shakra and meditation: anything that is wonderful to our spirit and soul, and such internal energy can be seen/felt by others as aura. We can also apply our internal energy to manifest our love and appreciation for our life, and I enjoy doing this thru cooking, what I share on my website here and simply sharing positive energy with people around me (smiles are contageous!!). Although we may develop internal spiritual energy within us, I also think that we need to have a conscious mind to control it that affects our mind and body afterall, so I wish to actively engage in activities to develop and to be able to control it with my conscious mind. :) I enjoyed my time with Tomo and went to a grocery store to grab a few things and returned home. I am very thankful for having such great friends as Tomo, and I hope that I do not take all these gifts for granted....

With my deep appreciation for everything I have right now. Peace and Love, Kumi

P.S. I baked some cranberry and white chocolate mini cookies today for friends:

New Friends and New Life

2005-07-02T15:47:00.000-04:00

Now that I have my own bike, Ilya and I went to the Kensington Market to buy a bunch of condiements and a few veges needed for my cooking adventure at my new place. Since we knew we would be going to the Sandbanks (provincial park up north approx. 2.5-3 hrs away from Toronto) on the next day, we also bought some fresh sandwitch meat and buns. We came back here, chilled a little having a tasty snack (fresh sour cream that tastes just like a very creamy cream cheese) and I went to the gym near my place for a quick exercise. I did not get to work
out for an extended period of time (I am usually there at least 1.5 hrs up to 2 hrs), but it is always good to get my cardio :) Getting my cardio/day makes me feel just very wonderful. Very important for me to stay in touch with my internal self and soul :)

Anyway, later on in the evening, Ilya and I went to visit Ilya's friends (my new friends), Asia and Yu-jin (sorry if I did not spell the name correctly) at their new apartment near St. Clair and Yonge where they were having some people over. I made some fresh Thai Salad Rolls and brought it to the house party, and met some of the people that I met the previous evening. I enjoyed talking with my new friends, especially with Svet who has lived in Florida for
two years after leaving Moscow a few years ago. I also enjoyed talking to a few other girls there. It is always fun to engage in an intellectual talk with new friends. I indeed appreciate such open attitude of people, and I have been having a blast meeting great new people.

Ilya and I were going to go and check out the Osunlade party at the Drake Hotel around mid-night, but my close friend, Ange was no longer heading to the party, and also since we were having such great time at the house party, we decided to pass the Osunlade show this time, but just enjoy hanging around with cool buddies.

People enjoyed my salad rolls and emptied the plate, so it made me great to know that I made someone's tummies very happy :) hehehe

We stayed there until 2:30 am or so, and left with Stath who gave us a quick car ride to a nearest major intersection from our place. We walked the neighborhood of our place around the castle, Casa Roma, and enjoyed checking out some of the beautiful housings and gardens there. I feel great meeting cool people thanks to Ilya's great friends network here in Toronto. :) I am excited to know that this is just the beginning!

Happy Canada Day!

2005-07-01T15:40:00.000-04:00

Happy Canada Day!

Yes, Friday July 1st was the Canada Day, so we saw a lot of people out in the city when Ilya and I went out to a Japanese grocery store and other shops on Queen street, China Town and Kensington Market in the morning. We bought a lot of stuff, starting from basic Japanese cooking condiments to fresh vegetables, fruits and kitchen tools.

I also got my BIKE !! so now I can travel to places riding it! (yes, Tatsu, I am expanding my gang crew here in the North America as well). It has been super great having my bike here! Being able to ride my bike provides such freedom and is indeed a beautiful thing to ride my bike into the fresh summerly breeze, if you know what I mean :)

We had so much stuff with us, but thanks to Ilya's friends, who offered to give us a car ride, we managed to bring all the bought stuff back into our place by car. I on the other hand enjoyed my first bike ride from the bike shop to my new home. :) hehehe We chilled with friends for a bit, and then I unpacked the shopping bags to organize things a little in the kitchen. Then his other friends arrived, and later fixed my bike into such a great condition that my bike is now worth double the cost that I paid to own it. LOL

Ilya and his friends are great. They generously help others without feeling any obligation or sneaky motives, but simply based on a pure desire to help another. I guess this is something to do with the fact that they are originally from outside of Canada and living here without the families and all, but it is very comforting to have people around me who have had the simlar experience of leaving home at such younge age and finding ways to become independent and responsible for our lives. I feel they understand where I come from, and feel very comfortable sharing my perspectives that I have on cultural differences with them, because I know that they are wise, experienced and open enough to hear how I perceive things in life (I love sharing perspectives/debating on a human behavioural/cultural topic).

Anyway, later on, I prepared a Japanese dinner, and enjoyed the meal with Ilya.
He took a photo of our dinner, so here it is. Take a look at how excellently he arranges dishes and chopsticks to create a balanced composition in space. He indeed is great at arranging things to create such harmony in space so naturally, and I really enjoy the created environment in my new place here in Toronto :)

Later on, Ilya and I headed to the Jay Jay Johanson concert at the Opera House which is located east on the Queen Street. I met a LOT of Ilya's friends there, and it was cool talking to them while waiting for Jay Jay to come to the stage. What I noticed is that all of Ilya's friends give off such positive energy and they indeed are open to meeting new people (myself). I felt really comfortable talking to his friends and I can not explain how much I felt happy about this,
because I am not always good with meeting new people...

Anyhow, the concert itself was AMAZING. Jay Jay's beautiful and soothing voice travels into your body and its love just spreads out into your soul. That is the feeling I gaiend while listening to his live show. It is indeed amazing how a human being can spiritually touches others by manifesting themselves. I truly enjoyed indulging in such comfort of human voice and love.

Later on, Ilya's friends suggested that we go and check out a live Funk band at Little Italy, so we went to check the band out.

My thought? I freaking LOVE dancing to music that makes me move so naturally. It was a three piece band that reminded me of one of my favorite house band, Tortured Soul from NYC. So although it was about 1 hr or so, I really enjoyed dancing to such great music. The vocalist spared his moment showing off his house moves with me on the dance floor, and I really enjoyed dancing with him.
Let the House-Lovers Unite in the CITY :) hehe I am excited to check out some deep house music events here in the city and just indulge myself in the love and peace of deep house music and dance with my soul manifestingly.

Job Interview & Moving into my new place in Toronto

2005-06-30T15:37:00.000-04:00

I attended my job interview in the morning at Barrie, which is approximately
1.5 hrs away from Toronto.

The job interview went smoothly, and a lot of questions were asked how I function
as an interpreter/translator under stressful situations.

Because of my previous job experience with an automotive parts supplier in Guelph, I was able to reply to all answers supplying with my past experience as examples. I felt that they liked the fact that I already have a similar experience to the position that I applied for, and so I felt confident during the interview. However! shite, my legs kept shaking under this huge table in the meeting room. I tried my best to keep a positive attitude instead of letting such physical
reaction freak me out too much. LOL but afterall, the interview went well, and I received a call from my agent saying that they would like to set up a second interview in mid-July, so I think I managed with my nervousness fairly well. :) But anyway, there was this gentleman whom I could not stop feeling I have seen him before.

I asked him whether we have met before, but he responded back saying that it would be his honour if we did indeed met somewhere in the past, but he could not recall its details, esponding to me so politely.

But the past few weeks since returning to Toronto, my life is filled with countless de ja vus that it is not even funny. Sometime it freaks me out. Because I do not know what is going on!! LOL But all I know is that I am meant to go through the path of life that I am at right now, and I just need to appreciate what I have in my life and enjoy it to its fullest :)

After returning from the job interview, I went to the gym to work out really quickly, and then finished packing my stuff to move into my new place in Toronto. My friend, Ange and her friend, Chanelle helped me carry a bunch of my stuff to the main floor of the apartment, and I took a cab to my new place. Ilya, my new roommate and great friend helped me unload my luggage into the apartment. There, I met the landlord of the building, who is also from Japan, so we exchanged a few words in Japanese :) Ilya had already done some grocery shopping for us
that the friedge was full of fresh produce and products by the time I got there!
He was slicing potatoes for our supper, so I helped him cooking the potatoes, and we had already prepared cut-lets (russian style-sort of like miniture meat balls) and salad for our supper. It is really wonderful how Ilya just do things without having asked to do. Another thing that I have noticed about him is that he is very punctual and practical with his mind that whatever he says he will do, he will just do it, and will not let time slip by without completing whatever he commited himself to do. It has been a great influence on me and I know that I have been spending my day productively since I got to hang around with Ilya. :) It will be wonderful sharing my flat with such an influential friend. :)

my life here in Toronto

2005-06-29T18:33:00.000-04:00

phew, it's been super busy! very most importantly, very very productive!

well, I had an interview with a local recruitment company that deals with Japanese clients in TO and surrounding area last Thursday morning, which went really well. The staff were such positive minded professionals and they shared such useful and insightful perspectives with me on my job search, and made me feel very comfortable working with them. Isn't is always amazing whenever you encounter inviduals who are purely positive on what they do in their lives?? I have fortunately had a few positive meetings with what I call: REAL people since I arrived here in Toronto.

Not to mention my great friend, Ange here in this city, our mutual friend, Voltaire invited me over to this house party last Friday to a studio where a few of his friends reside in down town Toronto. One of the tenants, Carrie was one of the people I felt so REAL communicating with, and she is such a talented artist (painter) and had her amazing work of portraits hanged on the wall in her flat. The style of her work is definitely influenced by the Japanese cartoons and American pop culture. White thick outlines define the feature of her painting and sort of reminded me of my old drawings that I did back in 2000:

also, meeting with ilya has been such a wonderful experience to me too.
he is my new friend and is my roommate for my new place in Toronto.

i am not able to describe the way he is in a simple sentence, but I really find this boy REFRESHING!

he has such a free spirit, ability to brightens up other people's heart and mind so naturally, and smiles and laughs so soulfully as well. i also appreciate him eating healthy (people say that I eat healthy), cares about the environment and nature and spends his money wisely. It's really exciting to know that I have such cool roommate and my living situation has been taken care of so smoothly like this :) Thanks very much, ilya. You are the best!!

Speaking of taking care of things in my life...yes, JOB situation.

Well I wrote above how I had a meeting with the recruitment company last week.
They kindly sent two applications for opening positions already, one of them showed their interests after seeing my resume. They asked me to complete a translation test to see my translation skills, and I have obtained an opportunity to attend an interview with the company tomorrow late morning already.

The company is located in Barrie, so I still how to think about how to commute there, but I think it will be always a positive experience for me to go and present myself to the Japanese company seeking an international candidate for their translator's position and see what they see in me as their potential employee. :)

So yes, it seems as though everything that I worried about soooo much while living in Japan is falling into the right places so naturally.... I feel such a bright sunshine in my body and know that everything will be super positive for my life here in Toronto.

After black rain overcasting my mind and soul in my journey to re-gain the strength within me, finally everything seems to be taken care of smoothlly, and I am very appreciative for all that I have in my life right now. Thank you :)

Meeting old friends at Tequilla Bookwarm

2005-06-27T19:29:00.000-04:00

in 2003 when i returned to Toronto after working for an american university in Japan for my career experience, i worked for this lounge/cafe type of an eatery place on queen street as a food prep/chef for about a month until i got my translation job for an automotive industry outside of Toronto. anyway, all the people who worked there were super laid back and cool, and really enjoyed working there with them (although the pay could have been better..hehehe). anyway, one of the people, Randy who has been working there for quite a few years is leaving to South America tomorrow for a few month (may not return here..will see), so my friend, Tomo and I decided to meet at the cafe to see each other and also to talk to our friend, Randy.

Randy follows and practices the teachings of buddha, and it was always great sharing each other's perspectives on life with him when the business was slow at the cafe. i always admired this strong and bright energy that he emits from the opening of his soul (his eyes), was always very positive communicating with him. Seems as though a new chapter of his life is about to unfold on its own, and I am very excited for the decision that he made for himself and am very positive that he will have an exciting journey in South America reflecting on the truth within him and gain much fulfillment and love in his life :)

Randy: yes, no wonder all these hotties (metrosexual, straight, gay, you name it! LOL) keep coming to the cafe to hit on him eh? LOL

Randy and myself:

It was also wonderful finally having had an opportunity to take to Tomomi in person. We shared some updates on each other's lives, and I enjoyed our talk very much :) thanks, Tomomi! While talking to her other former co-workers, Donovan and Kevin hopped into the cafe. I could not take a photo with Donovan since he was super busy, but I snapped a shot with Kevin with Tomo:

Isn't it always so wonderful to unite with warm souls when you least expect it?
I had such a wonderful time meeting with these people in that evening. I love and enjoy my life here in Toronto already. I LOVE my FRIENDS to the bottom of my heart :) wheeee :D

TORONTO PRIDE PARADE

2005-06-26T19:21:00.000-04:00

sneaky and crazy ninja crew in business, "get the hotties walking on the street with the water-guns!!"

last sunday was the PRIDE PARADE DAY in Toronto (universal cerebration in the world), so ange took me and ilya to her friend's flat on yonge street so that we could see the parade and shoot some water to some pedestrians and loving people participating on the parade from the flat and top of the roof!!!please enjoy seeing these photos from the parade and imagine how much of fun time we had on that day.. beautiful :)

my girl, ange aiming some targets from the flat:

i am in the pink/black outfit earing my crazy penis earrings. LOL:

ilya shooting some water at people although he was feeling a little guilty about this. (you are too kind!!):

I know, ange is such a hottie...

check out some sweet bums of these hot looking gay boys :)

asia having fun with her water gun:

better watch your arse cause ange will come and get you any moment!!

oh it was such a fun day. thanks very much, ange for taking us to the roof :)

then later on, ange and I met up with our mutual friend, Will and his friends and went to check out DJ Dan at the main stage. We were also meeting up with Tom near the stage, so it was super cool that I finally got to see my great friend, Tom there. We enjoyed listening to music, seeing people enjoying themselves at the parade. it was also fun participating on the long jumping rope where we tried to jump as long as possible. We got super hungry, so we decided to grab some food at a restaurant on yonge street, chilled there until almost 10pm and then went back to ange's mom's place :) it was such a fun day here in Toronto.SUPER!!

Arriving in Toronto

2005-06-21T10:41:00.000-04:00

I arrived at Toronto last nite around 7:15pm after 12 hrs of my flight from Tokyo. The flight actually wasn't as bad as I expected. Perhaps, sleeping during flight meals helped let the time slip away. LOL

Oh, I have something that I want to make a note of. You would not believe this. Air Canada gave us Hagen Datz ice cream! I was like. for real? LOL I was happy, but being on a flight, rich icecream did not digest well in my stomach, so I did not finish, but it indeed was sweet to get such a thing in an economy class flight, you know? LOL Just thought about sharing.

My parents recently were on Canada-Japan flight with the Japan Air Line, and told me they watched 3 movies, and two of them included the most recent movies out (Shall We Dance? and Million Dollars Baby). So I was expecting to see at least a couple movies, but meah, they only gave us one (the name of the movie was like "got ball?" or something of that line, about basketball team somewhere in the states trying to get academically recognized before getting the fame thru their great basketball reputation).

Anyway, my friend, Ange's parents came to pick me up at the airport. There was a strike by the cab and limo drivers who were blocking the way towards the airport. So we united just before 9pm. The bright sky kept me thinking it was still mid-afternoon though. LOL Gotta get used to the longer day time here during the summer time, wooo yeah!

So after getting here, we chatted, looking at some photos and what not, and I went to bed around 11pm. I slept fine, but woke up around 6am feeling a little tired, so I think I will need to drink loads of water and tea to stay up all day today and go to bed at nite (instead of having a nap) to correct my body clock. :)

The weather here is quite HOT!! I hope I will adjust myself physically here okay though. Well, I am super looking forward to meeting with my friends. :) We got the pride weekend this week, so that will be a lot of fun, I am pretty sure :) Well, gotta go and make a list of things to do... Please look forward for some photos that I hope to share online in the next couple of days. Peace :)

My home will always be where I grew up my childhood in...

2005-06-21T09:34:00.000-04:00

On the day of my departure to Toronto, I woke up around 8am after 4 hrs of sleep, and tidied up my room before bringing my 2 heavy 64 kilo suitcases, "isn't it too heavy for a carry-on?" suitcase and my lap top bag to the entrance of my house.

Then I played a little with our crow pet, Ka-ko chan and Brian, the silly smiley dog for the last time before eating breakfast with my family. My parents must have read the letter from me by the time I got to the living room for breakfast, because I could tell how they were trying to hide their true emotions.

My dad was trying to minimize an amount of conversations with me. I guess he did not want to show his sad feelings when I was trying to leave the house positively with a bright outlook on my next chapter of life awaiting in Toronto.

Everyone in the house were emotional. My mom would talk to me, and all of a sudden bite her lower lip and look up so that tears would not fall. My grandma would offer me some fresh fruits pealing the skin of pink grape fruits with her tears floating in her eyes. I felt very emotional and could cry at any moment, but I tried not to do so, because it was my decision to return afterall, and I wanted it make this return a positive come-back for myself. My dad came to my room handing me some money telling me to use it for my transportation to the airport. I thanked him for his great support and cooperation during my stay in Japan, and made my commitment with him that I will do my best to fulfill my living in Canada. He told me Ganbareyo (do your best, always) as he walked away from my room. I had to let some tears fall off my cheeks.

I then drove my mom's car for the last time driving to a local drug store to buy a couple things, and came home. I wrote a letter to my grandma in my room, and then relaxed a little in the living room with my mom and my grandma. My mom made me a last cup of tea wishing me a positive journey in Toronto. I then gave my grandma a big hug and gave her the letter. As I walked out from the house, the crow pet, Ka-ko chan followed me andBrian came out from his house to watch me go. I felt so sad leaving everyone there, but I told myself that this was a beginning of my journey to fully re-gain a whole control over my life and fulfill my soul to actively cerebrate my own life that is given to me.

My mom drove me to the highway bus stop, and waited for the bus to arrive for about 20 minutes. I could tell that she was trying to hold her tears, so I kept showing my optimistic self trying to tell her that I will be okay.

The bus arrived, so we hugged for the last time, and I got on the bus thanking her and asking her to take care of my grandma and pets for me while I will be away from home.

My mom kept biting her lower lip looking a little worried about me, but we exchanged our last momet with a smile.

On the way to Tokyo, I watched the greens over the mountains, the place I grew up from the window of the bus, and could not help but to thank the land and clear air in the sky that helped me be who I am. I for the first time was able to gain such appreciation towards my home-land from the bottom of my heart, and felt strong, because I felt that my home will always be this place, where I spent my childhood watching the face of Mt. Fuji everyday, no matter how many cities I may reside before coming back to place in future.

Reflecting back all these changes that I made for my life in the past, I feel as though I was always on this search for my home, and always feeling somewhat sad like an orphant with no true home. But now that I know where my home is, I feel strong about enjoying my journey seeing different parts of the world and engaging in new activities to fullfill much of my personal interests and ultimately to manifest the person I feel most comfortable with. I hope to keep my positive attitude and brave self with me during the course of my new journey here in Canada.

Peace

Happy Father's Day

2005-06-19T13:33:00.000-04:00

Today was the father's day, so in the morning, I gave my dad this brain-stimulant toy where he will have to answer some numeric questions in a short period of time and this alum can full of games and toys to improve his memory. LOL That's right. I noticed how forgettable my dad has become recently, so I thought these were the perfect gifts for him. LOL

Then my grandma, my mom and I went to my grandma and my father's family's cemetaries for the final visit before my departure tomorrow. We stopped over at a store to buy some fresh fish for the father's day dinner, which I wanted to prepare. Then came home. I went to bed around 3am the night before packing some mails to be sent out on Monday, so I was exhausted. I took a nap and then went to the gym to say good bye to the old gentlemen who work there during the night as well as to have my last work out looking at the huge mt. fuji through open windows.

I stopped over at a grocery store to pick some stuff that I needed for the dinner, and once I came home, I started cooking right away. Unfortunately, I did not have much time to prepare for this dinner, so I could not make much creative things, but here is what we had for dinner tonight.

Avocado Mousse with Sea Trout and Cavier:

Yeah, the color of avocado mousse seems strange in this photo. :( It was my first attempt to make something like this. It tasted good though. Good appetizer to start, I think. But I want to make the mousse just before serving so that the color of avocado will be more appealing :)

Fresh Oyster: ewww NOT FOR ME!!!!!! :( but my family loves it.

Pumpkin Gnocchi with Baby Bok Choy and a Mushroom Consomme:

This was such a tasty and "the contract of green-orange colors are looking pretty sweet"-kinda meal. It was my first time making gnocchi, and I absolutely loved it!! :) This was an easy to digest meal for my grandma, who can not eat heavy-duty dishes (with loadsa cream etc), so I was happy to hear that my grandma enjoyed this one :)

Rockfish on a Bed of Green Asparagus with a Tarragon and Extra-Virgin Olive Oil Emulsion:

I was afraid that this may turn into a heavy tasting meal, but really, it tasted quite light and had a lot of flavour. I think usage of tarragon on this fish dish was the key. I think I will use it more frequently when I cook fish-dishes in future :) And I shall cut both asparagus and fish larger so that it will be more of like a mail dish.

Arch Shell Toppings over a Bed of Colorful Greens:

My mom helped making this salad for me. Was tasty :)

Well, I wished that I had more time to communicate with my dad today, but really, a lot of different kind of emotions going thru, I could not openly express or communicate my feelings with my dad, because I could have started crying at any moment, if I was to share my feelings with him, you know?

I was going to write my family a fare-well message, but I can not face my feelings towards them right now. My eyes will look like a Japanese ghost standing under the willow tree (obake) by tomorrow, if I let my thoughts get revealed and accept however I am feeling right now. But at the same time, I feel that it is important for me to always be honest and communicative with my feelings with my family, so although it is already 3am right now, I am going to write letters to them right now :)

Dear Friends:
I deeply apologize that I have not replied back to your thoughtful e-mails. I have been super busy that I could not make time to sit down and write personal mails to each one of you. All of you are in my thoughts, and I will write you back as soon as I settle down in Toronto! Until then, please do know that you are in my thoughts :)

Hugs,

Kumi

P.S.
Toronto, here I COME!!!

One of the Most Splendid Japanese Gardens I have ever seen in my life

2005-06-16T12:42:00.000-04:00

Well, like I noted in my yesterday's entry, my family had an opportunity to visit this restaurant called "Ukai Tori-yama" at the summit of Mt. Takao in Hachio-ji, Tokyo today for lunch, since this was what my grandma for so long wanted to do for us.

Apparently, my aunt who lives in Tokyo took her there not so long ago, and my grandma just fell in love with the beauty of the Japanese garden at the restaurant. Since we have our family restaurant business that has been running for over 80 years (3 generation business) with the same concept of providing peaceful restaurant experience enjoying the garden that the customers can see through this open-windows from the guest room, my grandma wanted to take my parents there to show what other people are doing in their business. It's always good to get inspiration and different ideas to improve what we do afterall, you know? So we always appreciate our opportunity to visit any eatery that can give us much inspiration and great influence/stimulation for our own creation.

So we left our house at 8am to go and see my cousin's family first, and then went to the restaurant. We got there just before 1pm. Here is the photo of the restaurant entrance. We were asked to wait inside until their staff came to lead us to our reserved guest-room.

Please prepare to see these breath-taking beauty of the Japanese garden reflecting seasonal plants and flowers beautifully.

On our way to our guest room, we saw many other guest rooms build separately to others like this. I guess this provides us a total privacy for our restaurant experience. Sweet, right?

This is where one of our dishes were prepared by a chef specialized preparing sweetfish dishes. You will see a photo of the dish later...

I liked how a bunch of trees were grown on one spot like this.

Below view sort of reminds me of the most famous temple in Japan, Kin-kaku-ji (Golden Pavilion) in Kyoto.

I filmed a video-tape of this garden, so if you were interested, please click on the photo.

And here is the guest room we stayed for our lunch.

Here is my grandma. As you can see, you can see the garden from the guest room, thanks to the clear wide windows used as wall. I also filmed what I viewed thru this smaller window from the room. Please click on the below photo to view the file.

So we were already stunned by the beauty of the Japanese garden and the guest room before we were to actually experience the meal. My parents ordered 8000 yen/person (about 70-75 US dollars) course meal and my grandma and myself ordered 5000 yen/person (about 40-45 US dollars) course meal. This is what we got first. A very silky and creamy tasting fresh tofu. Actually this was my favorite dish of all I had there. LOL

Below, here is a dish with sweet miso paste placed on a grilled eggplant. Was tasty, but not so impressive. Well, next.

I do not think I have ever made a comment on what kind of food my parent's restaurant is specialized in. Well, it is specialized in carp fish, and we have a course-menu starting from 2000 yen/person for lunch and 3000/yen for dinner. All course meals start with a little appetizer, and the first main meal is a koi-no-arai (carp fish sashimi). So my parents who noticed this entry (carp fish sashimi) in the receipt menu, we wanted to try how they serve the carp fish at this restaurant. Here is what we got, and we were SHOCKED.
Well, because there were only 6 slices of sashimi, and they were charging us 800 yen for this.
I tasted a slice of sashimi, and was certainly sure how my dad could cook much better than this.

Although this is a small image, you see the square dish on left hand side bottom?
That is how we serve our sashimi at our restaurant. Much volume, don't you think? LOL Well, my dad did a little calculation and said that he would only charge 150 yen (almost less than 1/6 of their price) for the amount of carp fish that the restaurant gave us. LOL

I guess my dad is a business-man afterall. Always quick on calculating things like this. LOL Anyway, this certainly made me realized how much of great deal that my parents offer to our customers at the restaurant. Tasty fresh food at such affordable price! Anyway, I sound like a silly daughter trying to promote her parent's business, but really, I started to realize how much energy, thoughts, creativity, great customer service spirit, and this immense desire to fulfill the customers are put by my great grand-father, my grand parents and my parents in our 3 generation-family business we have here. Well, for those who are curious, please visit my folk's restaurant website. I am very proud of where I came from. So here it is: http://www.Kougaike.com (Kougaike-it is the name of pond in our property (garden) where we keep our carp fish in spring water. Because of this gift from the nature, we were able to start this business, so this is how the restaurant was named after).

Anyway, back to what we had in our course meals at THIS restaurant. We got a bowl of soup with a few fish balls and slices of leak in it. Tasted all right.
My parents got this salmon called: "Sakura Sake" meaning cherry bloosom -salmon?! Sounds interesting right? Well, I tried a little of my mom and thought that it was my kind of salmon sashimi. Not so fattening and just right sweetness and texture to it..
My parents got this grilled steak. The sauce they gave us was not so impressive. Just soy-sauce and wasabi. I was like, comon, I can even do that for my parents! LOL But this was when I started to get a little disappointed by their lack of creativity in their meals.
However, I was impressed by this photo that I snapped! LOL you see, there is a lantern(light) reflecting on the table. Kinda cool eh? LOL

Below huge chunk of chicken and shiitake mushroom were to be grilled at front of us. We had a cheesy entertainment chambara- master (as seen at Beni-hana) coming to our guest room telling us how to grill the meat. My dad kept imitating his service smiles while this gentle-man was doing his business, and sorry, I had a trouble trying to hide my urge to giggle. LOL
Then we got the grilled sweet fish brought to us.
Typical Japanese soup-miso soup with nameko mushroom and some pickles. We also got a bowl of brown rice.

My grandma and I got no desert in our course meals, but my parents did. So kind parents gave us the sweet. :) Sticky rice desert with green-tea filling inside. I wished we got fresh green-tea to go with this though..

My mom decided to take a photo of my grandma and myself while enjoying the desert.

So we enjoyed our lunch experience until 2:30pm and then returned to the lobby to pay the bill. Here is a photo of the lobby, btw.

I like this photo personally a lot:

My dad posing for me. LOL

This is probably one of my favorite photos here:

So yes, it was absolutely wonderful having had this great opportunity to see this most splendid Japanese garden at this restaurant. I realized how much I LOVE the Japanese garden. I feel sooooo lucky that I was able to come here during my stay in Japan this time. Although the meals lacked creativity and its quality for the price we paid, we definitely enjoyed our quiet, peaceful and spiritually-healing environment at this restaurant. I want to thank my parents and my grandma who took me there today. Thank you very much!!! :)　Now, do you guys feel like coming here? hehehe I am sooo LUCKY!

Getting ready for my return to Canada

2005-06-15T11:25:00.000-04:00

The past few days, I have spent some of my time running back and forth between the living room, laundry room and my room to pack my stuff for the move.

And my thought right now: not sure if I can fit in everything that I want to bring with me.

Well, one thing I know is that I must leave my winter clothings here and have them sent to me in fall. I cannot even bring this pig skin jacket that I got on yahoo auction the other day. :( So that's too bad, but oh well. I can live without it, but the joy that I get from color-coordinating my outfit is something that I can not get rid of right now. I realized how much positive energy i get from colors these days.... anyhow,

so i have bought most of stuff that I need to bring with me.
i still need to get a cool yukata (japanese summer kimono) for my friend though.
it's been a great challenge to get a decent yukata online. I have been trying to get it on the auction (of course, new kimono), but most of them are quite expensive (over 100 dollars), so I am hoping to get a good deal for you, ange! (if you were reading this)...
i also need to find a couple umbrellas for her mom.

other than that, I got a yakisoba sauce for you, John (please let me know your address, so that I can send it to you).
I also got a little something to give you, Dawn (please wait for a mail from me until I settle down in Toronto).
and one gift has been reserved for your coming b-day, Scott.
I also got a bit of little something for my buddies in Toronto. :)

So I am feeling better--taking care of things now.

Today, I got my International Driver's LICENSE!
All I needed to do was drive for 30 minutes away from home to this driving center, show my driver's license, a photo, and inkan (family stamp) and pay the fee. It was very simple for me to get it. So this means that I will be able to drive a car in Canada if necessary. :)
Although I sure need to remind myself that it will be *keep on right* this time. LOL

Other than that, I was working on this translation trial that I was asked to do from a translation company a couple days ago. It turned out to be a quite challenging assignment to complete. For a person who has not majored in finance nor read the finance section of the japanese newspaper, it took hrs to complete it. I had my parents check my translation (it was from English to Japanese), and sent my work right away a few hrs ago, and I already got a respond saying that they could not get me the position and encouraged me to try again sometime later. :(

So I feel a bit disappointed about this.
I mean who enjoys getting rejections afterall? :(
But I need to get used to rejections now before arriving in Toronto, as I expect myself to be experience a lot of that during my full time job search....Well, gotta keep taking actions though. :)

Tomorrow, my grandma wants to take us to a really fancy Japanese restaurant for a nice meal. This was something that she kept telling us about, something that she really wanted to do while my stay. So the day has come, and I feel a little sentimental and emotional about the fact that I am really leaving here in less than a week now. To be exact, 5 days!

So we will leave the house tomorrow early so that my parents can meet with my cousin's family in the morning before heading to the restaurant. In the evening, we will return here for the restaurant business.

On Friday, I plan on trimming my hair. Do more packing and the last minute shopping.

Saturday, I hope to meet up with a friend in Tokyo. If she is not busy, that is.

Sunday is the father's day where I want to do some cooking to cerebrate my dad's fatherhood.

Monday is the day I depart for my journey.

So really, I do not have much time left with me. But I really hope to take care of everything before I leave..

Okay, someone please use a magic so that I can fall into sleep earier tonite. LOL
Good nite, and for you people, please have a wonderful day!

peace and hugs,

Kumi

My Life Update

2005-06-13T13:36:00.000-04:00

So my parents finally came back from their trip from Canada.
They first arrived in Vancouver to unite with my older and youngest sisters, then flew to Toronto to meet up with my another younger sister (that's right. I have three sisters!), who got a job as an assistant to the producer of the Red Hot Chilli Pepper. This sister, who got this cool employment opportunity was moving to Vancouver, BC for the job, so my dad took this opportunity to help her move from London, ON to Vancouver, BC by acrossing Canada in god knows how long, hmmm like a week?

But it turned out that my dad used my sister's move as an excuse, and the main purpose of the trip was to go and see the mystical lake in Alberta, Lake Louise, and the huge falls as you may have heard in Bjork's song: "You've never been to Niagara Falls? I have seen water, its water, that's all", the Niagara falls in Ontario and basically just to see absolutely nothing for hours in central Canada (oh they said, they saw a moose though), but beatiful mountains in BC.

No, the main purpose of this trip was to cerebrate my parent's 30th marriage anniversary. This is what I was told when my mom returned from the trip showing off this pair of gorgeous ammonite earrings to me. I was like: "woah, good god, dad. it's great to be an action-taker to express his feelings like this, once in a while". LOL Well, although my dad is a very unique Japanese father, who would send off all his daughters over-sea for educational and personal development purpose at such young age (we all left home when we were 15/16), he still is a shy guy who would not express his feelings verbablly. So surely, my mom was in such a great mood, when she returned.

To think of it, I do not know if I have ever seen such peaceful and happy state of my mother like this in my past. A few days ago, I spotted my parents laughing together while looking into each other's eyes. I was like: "were they like this before all of us were born??" LOL

Also, I spotted them facing the computer going through all the photos and movies from the trip, deciding which one to print out. It is usually my dad who just asks my mom to take care of everything like this, so it was very refreshing to see both of them doing something together.

So over all, things are super good here, thanks to my parents frequently communicating with each other and both of them feeling happy and at peace.

:)

I want to thank my sisters who must have made this trip successful also. So if you were reading this, THANK YOU, sister~s!

Night Views on my parent's garden here in Japan

2005-06-13T13:31:00.000-04:00

One of my Fav Summer Evening Meal: Cold Shabu Shabu

2005-06-09T10:37:00.000-04:00

Very easy to prepare Cold Shabu-Shabu for your home summer meal:

[What you need]

VERY thinly sliced pork meat (as much as you want)
Cucumber, Carrot, Tomatoes, Tofu, and Shiso (Japanese herb, if you have some)(as much as you want).
To make how to make the dipping sauce, please see below.

[Direction]

Thinly slice cucumber, carrott and shiso.
Cut the tofu and tomatoes.
On a boiling water, cook the thinly sliced porn until cooked (does not take much time. Be careful not to over-cook it!). Place the cooked meat in a cold water (in a bowel). Drain the water.
Arrange, tofu, cooked pork meat, cucumber, carrot, shiso and tomatoes. Done!

Here is how to make kick ass dipping sauces:

[White Sesame Seed Dipping Sauce-can beat the 5 star quality sauce by Nobu of NYC (hahaha)]
-Grind white sesame seeds so that you will have at least 3 TBS ground sesame seeds. (perhaps, put the sesame seeds in a very durable plastic bag like the zip-lock type, and use a bottom of (very difficult to break something like a bin) to crush the seeds).

-Add following: 1/2 TBS of Rice Vinegar, 1/2-1 TBS of Lemon Juice, 1 TBS of Soy Sauce, 1 TBS of Mirin (if you have any), 2-3 TBS of Sugar, 1 TBS of CrushedGarlic. 1 TBS of Milk and 1/4-1/2 tea spoon of Salt. Mix well-ready to be used.

[Soy & Vinegarrette Sauce-SIMPLE!]

Mix soy sauce and vinegar: 1 Soy Sauce: 3 Rice Vinegar Ratio -done to be used. LOL

With all the right ingreidents, I bet even a single bachelor can prepare this healthy and yummy meal for a hot summer evening. Enjoy!

P.S.
This was one of the meals that I prepared for my parent's return home today :0)

Last day before having my parents back,

2005-06-08T09:54:00.000-04:00

It was my turn to prepare dinner for my grandma and I.

Here are what we had:

1) We had these delicious tomatoes that were losing its freshness, so I wanted to use them up by adding in tonite's supper. I basically made a curry flavoured chicken and vegetables, adding a bit of yogurt for a mild taste. My grandma said she enjoyed it, so that made me feel relieved. :) Can't cook not pleasantmeals for my family. LOL

2) Japanese Dish called "Tsukune"-Chicken Patti

I like Japanese cooking, because we often focus on putting minimal amount of spices and condiment to be added in the main ingredients (meat/fish/vegetables).

Above dish was a typical example of it. Here is how I prepared. Very easy.

To make patti:

250 g of ground chicken (1/2 pound)
1 medium to small size egg1 TBS of Corn Starch
1 TBS of Soy Sauce
1 TBS of Mirin
Dash of Salt

[Direction]

Mix everything noted above until it becomes sticky enough to make small balls (just like how you make the hamberger patti).
On a heated flying pan, heat 1 tbs of sesame or other vegetable oil.
Place the patti on the flying pan, and cook until both sides turn into a nice golden color. Remove the patti off the flying pan.
On a separate pot, put 1 1/2 cup of boiled water, 1 TBS of Mirin (can be found at an asian section of a decent grocery store or at an asian store), Sake and Soy Sauce, about 2 TBS of Sugar, 1/2 tea spoon of Salt. If you have Japanese dashi (stock), put about 1 TBS of it. Otherwise, perhaps adding half envelop (or cube) of Chicken or Vegetable Stock will be okay. Make sure that you taste it as you add the stock to make sure that it will not be too salty, but has just enough flavour.
Put all the patti and cook at mid heat until the meat is cooked throughly.
If you have Okura, wash it with salt and put it in the pot. I put some mushroom in mine, since I did not have any okura. Cook at low heat for about 1 minute (until the vege is cooked just a little bit).
Then Dissolve 1-2 tbs of cornstach with COLD water in a cup, put it on the side. Turn the heat high and pour the corn starch to the pot to thicken the liquid. Cook at med heat for about 1 minute, turn off the heat and put the rid to steam for about 1 minute. Ready to be served.

I wanted to eat some healthy vegetable stew, so I made below dishtoo. Was very easy on my tummy :)

We also had tofu and spinach ohitashi (Japanese salad). Was very good. So who wants to come to my place for meals when I return to T-dot? I can be delivered as a special delivery to those who live FAR but are willing to pay my transportation. LOL :) hahaha

Well, I will definitely love to share my love of cooking with you people living in the west coast if I have an opportunity to visit in future! (hopefully soon).

Peace

Bathing with Brian?!

2005-06-05T23:57:00.000-04:00

Since we were blessed with this gorgeous sunny morning, I gave our pet, Brian a really nice bubble bath (wash) today. It took over 2 hrs to complete (untilI dry him with towels), but was fun washing him.

He was very excited and surely got spoiled by ME hehe. I am worried how he will be like after my leave, now that he got so attached to me after my stay here since late January. Has anyone seen such smiley dog as Brian? He loves getting much affection and attention from us, and I sure do believe that it is healthy to get such warm energy from others (like we do as humans). I guess any livingbeing with soul deserves this: affection (love) and care (attention).

I truly hope that my family members will give him much loving after my leave, but until then I will give him much love myself :) Peace

When Kumi comes in the kitchen

2005-06-03T03:40:00.000-04:00

Today, I cleaned the living room, washroom, kitchen and sorted out some garbage,
so it was nice to take care of few things in the house.

I then prepared dinner for my grandma and I before leaving to the gym, so I took a few photos of them:

I wanted to eat lots of vegetables, so here is a dish with colorful veges,
slice of ham and peanuts for crunchy asian taste. Was very tasty!!! :)

I boiled a bunch of spinach and sliced carrot and wrapped them around with a slice of beef, sprinkled salt and pepper and fly pan them until cooked. Once it was cooked, I removed them and pour 2 tbsp of sake, 2 tbsp of mirin, 1 tbsp of soy sauce and 1 tbsp of sugar to make the sauce. This dish turned out pretty good. So try it if you like:

Boiled beans with sesame dressing:

Cucumber and crab meat salad (sunomono-vinegar dressing):

All turned out pretty tasty and healthy that my grandma was happy. :)
It's always nice to have lots of different ingredients in a meal. That is my ideal meal to get all the nutrients for the day :)

Attending Taka-chan's Funeral

2005-06-02T03:28:00.000-04:00

I woke up at 5:15 am to catch the 6am train to my cousin's baby's funeral today.

Because of this, I had an opportunity to unite with a few of my cousins whom I have not met for over a decade.

Most of them now are a parent, and it was really sweet seeing their child(ren).

Below is the photo of my cousin's baby who past away.

I have mentioned how I had a surrealistic dream when he died in my blog entry dated May 30th, 2005

I decided to write the detail of the visual image and its message that I experienced in my dream for my cousin, and while I was writing it, I came to realize that the message the baby had absolutely matched with the meaning of his name. In the dream, this baby was spreading his love to everyone around him and wishing a peace of mind and happiness for those who cared and loved him from a high up in the sky. Apparently, his name (which I learned from my grandma after his death) "Takaharu" was named after his dad hoping him to become an individual who could bring cheerful and happy energy to many people's lives (flying like an eagle). So although he passed away at the age of 10 month old, him trying to spread much love and the sense of peace over people were very touching, as if his parent's wish had always been understood by this littlebaby.

At the funeral, I was able to see him for the first and last time. I touched his face before a cremation, as I learned how cold his skin was, big tears fall off from my eyes. At the same time, all the sadness that I kept inside me bursted out and I could not stop crying quite loud. But he was soon to be cremated, so I thought that I had to take care of my feelings and not to drag my sadness with me, when there are people who have gone thru such a difficult time in thepast 1 month since he lost is consciousness.

After the funeral, we returned to my uncle's place and had lunch with everyone.
There I took a few photos of my relatives, so I would like to share below:

my cousin's first son:

My different cousin's daughters. The photos do not tell how cute they are in real life. VERY LOVELY GIRLS.

After lunch and a great chat with relatives, my grandma and I bought a lunchbox for our supper at a dept store that was connected to a train station. Ilooked around some stuff there (clothing/accssories etc), but nothing I wanted to buy badly, so we decided to get on the train home. On the way home while travelling on a train, I mistook and got off at a wrong station (3 stops before the destinated exit)! LOL So my grandma and I decided to eat the lunch box since we had to wait for about 20 minutes.

It was very tasty!!!!

Anyhow, we got home just over 8:30pm. Although it was such a sad day, I am glad that I was able to see Taka-chan. May he rest in peace and harmony. Alwayswishing the best for my cousin and her family. ....

Excellent Work on the Hot Swim Wear Show by Beautiful Ladies

2005-06-01T11:19:00.000-04:00

Well, I could not sit still but to post a few photos that were shared with me from my friend, Dawn, of a recent fashion show, where she performed a remarkable work on the make up on the swim-wear models with her partner, Shannon. These swim-wears were designed by her friends, Britt and Michelle. and what do you say people? HOWT LOOKING SHIT!

It is always very very inspiring to see an image or experience a moment where people are manifesting their true passion. Say it is a fashion show, or a live house music performance. I can not get enough of witnessing these hot moments of other people's lives. I was very inspired by these photos and wanted to share what I was most positively influenced by in the past couple of days. :)

For those who are interested in purchasing their swim-wears, please visit: www.fascinodiva.com
Also, those individuals (living in west Canada) who are interested in getting a fabulous make up work, please email me so that I can forward you a contact after getting a permission of my friend :) (the name of their company is: Shadan Artists).

Thank you very much for the true inspiration and your great vibe, Dawn. You ROCK!! :)

Wanna see some Japanese hip hop dancing crew?

2005-06-01T11:11:00.000-04:00

While staying up late last nite, there was this tv show where some Japanese dancer crews come on the tv studio for their performance. It is always SWEET watching some kick ass dancers do their thing, so I video recorded one of the most better crew shown on the show. Although it is a hip hop dancer crew (and not house), I am still going to give a high five to the boys. Good stuff.

	Hip Hop Crew First Clip
	Second Clip

Quick Tour to My Parent's Restaurant & Garden

2005-06-01T10:42:00.000-04:00

As to meet this request from my friend, I am going to give you a quick tour of my parent's restaurant. On the second floor of this building that you are going to see, a sleeping beauty kumi sleeps forEVER. LOL

Enjoy!

	From outside to the entrance of the restaurant
	From the entrance->kitchen-hallway->garden
	View of the garden from inside
	Garden when the window is opened. Can you hear the splatter sound of water off the falls?

Stillness of Beauty

2005-06-01T00:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I did a bit of gardening and cleaned the parking lot, which took over 3 hrs.
So today, I took things easy in the late morning after consulting a couple customers who came by to make a reservation for their daughter's engagement party. I like chilling by the garden, hearing the water sprashing from the little falls that lead to a pond. I took a small film recording the garden today, so I plan on uploading it later on.

I took a photo of me chilling laying down on the tatami-matt. I will surely miss my Japanese home, the garden, the Japanese moss, bonsai trees, ponds, carp fish, green tea...

I wished people who have never been to Japan experience what it is like to live here.
Very comforting. soothing. chilling. I like the art that I see in the stillness of our living here.

Peace

P.S.
My way to visit the moon light temple to burn some incents for my ancestor's gravestone.

Finally... My deepest condolence for my cousin and her family

2005-05-30T09:17:00.000-04:00

I had such a surrealistic dream today. Of an angel like creature flying up to the sky with the gentle wind around him, up to wherever he now belongs to, the heaven. It felt as though he was thanking all the people who cared and loved him, and he was trying to spread the love and peace back to us. That was the sort of feelings that I gained. When I opened my eyes and woke up from the dream, I instinctly knew what had just happened. As I walked into the living room, my grandma's mobile rang, and the phone call meant the death of my cousin's baby, who struggled to live his life even for a little longer after the accident shakened his life like a sudden earth quake putting people's lives on its edge.

As I learned this news, I felt strange. I felt immense sadness for my cousin and her family. But I knew that he tried his best, and he was heading to where he belongs, on his own strongly, so I felt that we had to appreciate the life that he had, everything that he shared and taught us and cherish the memory we have of him.

Unfortunately, I have never met him, so the funeral that I will be attending (most likely after tomorrow) will be my first and last time I see him. I feel terribly sorry for my cousin, and do not know how to comfort her, but I am going to tell her the dream that I had, hoping that will make her feel better, even a little bit.

Life is so precious. But we are so lucky to have the ability to keep and cherish the memory in our life. I feel graceful that the human psychology and some memories trigger us to remember certain emotions that we experience in our life (of course, having a bad flashback is not nice, but you know what I mean here). It's kind of like having the gift of experience more than once (thanks to our memory)!!

Anyway, I hope and wish all my best for my cousin and her upcoming delivery of her baby, which she carries with her right now.